The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

And, two plus two is five, NOT four.

I didn't say that by the way. At least I didn't mean it to look like I meant two and two is five, maybe you just interpreted that way, because you don't have my special powers of SEEING things DIFFEREntly, ie THE TRUTH.

It's probably both I think, sunshine.

a x 7 or a x 9:
hen you started you had nine aaaaas in your name. Later you have 7.

So where else are you posting and under what name?

I hate secrets.

OP de-regged and re-regged during the course of her thread

and both of them are name change

she's deffo flounced this time though

deffo

I disagree. Most posters saying "leave him" do so because they believe men can behave better than being 'naturally' untidy/unfaithful/controlling/abusive/lazy, etc. In other words they don't believe that all men behave like that, so they don''t have preconceptions about gender traits. They hold men to a higher standard of behaviour because they have a spectrum of decency that applies to all people regardless of gender.

and look fetching in a flouncy pinny ?

booiiinnnggg

I don't wear pinnys. Although I do own one.

Yes, it is wonderful that women don't need to put up with abusive men, isn't it?

#Off you fuck.

Nice.

I've been here years actually.

But she did. And I wouldn't usually be so crass.

no,not in my opinion she didnt/doesnt

And you have been crass from the beginning of this thread and all the way through

According to you.

But being "considered" to be untidy and henceforth lazy can be a MEGA issue in a relationship depending on the parties take on it. My dh is a Virgo perfectionist sort. He could NOT live in squalor - it would make him deeply unhappy. I am a bit more relaxed about it all. In a normal relationship you compromise on what is/isn't important, make allowances and make a plan around it.

In my particular case, a dishwasher and a cleaner once a week completely remove any issues. That isn't possible for everyone. A good relationship would work out what needs doing and do it as time allows. A bad one would just blame the other party for the shit, get stressed, argue and be miserable.

You all actually quite like me usually.

Oh really?

So, what name do you usually post under then?

Perhaps we would have taken more notice of your opinion then

I must hasten to add, that in the pre-cleaner/DW days, DH did MUCH more housework!

That's another thing that happens quite a lot on relationship threads. You get accused of being a fucking man/troll/sister hater.

I fully agree with the OP and I'm not even name changing.

Gaslighting... That's another favourite. Reading between the lines, no evidence to back it up but you just know.... No you fucking don't. Lots and lots and lots of projecting.

I read one last week where the first reply was LEAVE HIM! No attempt to eke out more information or get the other side of the story, just LEAVE HIM!

Yea, I'm never going back there either. Crazy shit over there.

You know, when more and more discussions around feminism, misogyny and misandry began to occur on Mumsnet we got a few men ricocheting in through the saloon doors, spurs whirring and pistols firing at random, having a right old go, along the 'how dare you discuss women's issues on a women's forum, you rabid man-haterz??' line...

They were given very short shrift.

After a while these frothy men disappeared, and in their place were an increasing number of women in a mad rush to denounce feminism and the need for a place to discuss women's issues from a woman's perspective.

So either all those men gave up really, really easily... or....

I know this is a bit off-topic, but I keep coming back to the core of the OP's argument - the accusation of institutionalised misandry on MN.