The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

Words, just words, stupid ones at that. Why bother?

I think CW was trying to illustrate that no matter what little spats we have between ourselves it is of no real consequence when measured against hate speak like that demonstrated over on places like that

Yes. That is it exactly. The real hate is out there directed at all MNetters.

On a very sensitive board such as MN Relationships, people need to be aware of what is being directed at them.

And of often the reasons for why such great advice is seemingly undermined.

Arguments just like this one that has been going on for many hours now, just give more ammunition to the real haterzzz.

You don't have to agree with the way that everyone posts on the relationships board. Starting a thread with the sole purpose of criticising and de-valuing a worthwhile resource is the wrong thing to do, and aligns you with the wrong people, IMO

But there are no "wrong people", AnyFucker. Anyone can post on MN, everyone's opinion has equal value.

I don't agree with that, yellow

some opinions are worth shit

really, they are and should be called as such

and when MNHQ have failed to protect MN posters who have been targeted by sick individuals, that is precisely the line they trot out

I am not saying they should be censored, I am saying they should be called as such

Of course there are "wrong" people, the sad acts from other fora who come here to troll, not to mention the really vicious ones with a nasty, misogynistic agenda who come here to deliberately cause harm to vulnerable women.

Depends what you mean though. Some people are just trolling or trying to get attention or trying to wind people up. I am all for telling these people they are knobs, along with homophobes, racists and people who "hate all that PC shit".

If it's just that someone disagrees with the majority, I don't think you can just dismiss their opinion. If we all agreed with the majority all the time, or never stuck our head above the parapet, we'd be living in a pretty grim world.

I am watching the local news bulletin on telly just now as I type

there is an item about a FB site set up by friends to grieve for a young woman that has died

it has had to be taken down because of sick and vile comments posted there

I am not a fan of FB, I am simply using this as an example

do you really think that those people's comments are of value ?

As I said, I wasn't including trolls and twats in that. I don't think anyone on here thinks "oh give the trolls a voice, they're people too".

As I was saying, that's not what I meant.

I think that's quite obvious, but sorry for not being more clear.

then you agree with me, yellow

it was clear the type of people I was talking about

No, I'm afraid it wasn't clear. If it had been clear, I would have known what you meant, wouldn't I?

I disagree. People who invade a site with the sole intention of laughing at other people's misery and to further a misogynistic agenda are definitely wrong.

A new or occasional poster starting a thread has no way of telling whether they are conversing with the resident male and female misogynists whose views the rest of us can easily disregard (either by name recognition or an advanced search of their threads) - or with a site invader on a wind-up.

yellow, we had just been discussing the link that caramel posted

I said that threads like this bring out the worst in people who don't wish MN and it's users well

the various "invasions" by people like Male Rights Activists on the Feminism board and the influx of twisted fuckers to a recent (what started as a jokey, but turned sinister) anal sex thread, proves that

Well with respect, stop posting on this thread if you think it's giving 'ammunition'?

No, CaramelWaffle, people don't need to know the hate that's directed at them from an innocuous little board of nobodies... if they are having problems in RL, they get that first hand. I don't understand your point.

The relationships board is a good resource - just as the other boards are - the advice there is generally appreciated and valued from many posters. Nobody though has the right to tell others what to do, nor demand that posters take action as stipulated and sometimes there's too much of it. A woman who is being ordered about at home doesn't need to be told she's any one of a dozen negative things because she doesn't act. I've always wondered at the sense of some posters who call a person's partner names and then wonders why said poster backs away... you don't need a psychology degree to see it.

I personally think that many of the posters on that board are tremendous... the minority of ego-maniacs who think they run the boards are a bit of a 'blot' really and best posted around. Difficult to see when you're vulnerable though, I think.

Well whoever 'MNfrigidbint' is, posting "We can't wait either" on that other board is just inviting that sort of thing.

And I'd love to know who "We" are...does she think she has the right to speak on behalf of MN?

LyingWitch, I think you also posted on a thread I posted on where one poster was called weak and stupid for not leaving, she was told what a horrible disservice she was doing her children. She said she wanted to take one course of action (phoning a helpline) and was shouted down for wanting her partner there when she called. She backed away in the end, specifically because she was being shouted down.

I just don't see how that was helpful for her. She wasn't helped. She was just maligned for not saying "oh yes, I'm leaving him right now".

It takes a bloody long time to leave a shit relationship - sometimes years and years. Posters can't always see what outsiders can - why would they? They can see all the shades of grey that people on the internet just can't. While I think it's good to have the arseholeness of a partner pointed out if the partner is behaving badly, sometimes posters just go too far in doing this.

Overall I think the relationships board is great and useful and there are a lot of really wise posters.

hahaha so that's where all the quality schlong hang out

get yerself over there, mitch

your cumbucket needs filling !

I'm sorry but, enormous fan as I am of being pumped full of sperm, I have standards. I didn't know I had standards until I visited that site though!

WTF is that site????
Bejeezus!

Seriously...what??

yellowraincoat... Funnily enough it was that thread I was thinking of because it was so recent. I was really surprised at the number of posters who just seemed to follow along, re-spouting the bullish advice, to the obvious detriment of the OP.

If I think about how I would feel if the person I'd chosen to be with turned out to be not what I thought, then I posted on a well-advertised board for advice only to be ridiculed by smug, thoughtless opinions, I'd run away.

If relationships board is to be a 'safe' board for women (and the occasional man) to post their fears and worries, then people need to be more measured in their words. To call a poster's partner a fuckwit is basically telling the poster that: a) they have bad taste in partners, b) they're desperate if they stay with somebody so horrid, c) not to bother coming back in 'x' months if the advice hasn't been followed... blah, blah, blah.

If people want to vent, have a rant, whatever, there's no place for personal comments. To do that is a form of bullying and it's certainly lashing out, causing misery, heaped on somebody who's already miserable. Why?

Agree with you, yellow, the vast majority of relationship board posters really must be a comfort. I've recommended the board. The 'bash-em over the head' types serve no real purpose because NOBODY will follow that advice, however pertinent it may be.

Squeaky... agree with you. What is the agenda of the person who has made up that username? Not the least altruistic, just a hell of a shit stirrer...

Sorry, that's to Worra, not Squeaky... ... yep absolutely, the egos have certainly landed, haven't they, "We"? Speaking for MN... wow, the arrogance. Probably need a little gang of buddies around them at all times too... pathetic!