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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

868 replies

aaaaaaaaargh · 30/01/2012 19:42

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

OP posts:
Whatmeworry · 31/01/2012 10:51

I think anyone who can't see what the OP here is satirising is being deliberately obtuse (or the shoe fits...), and IMO often on the relationships board the "advisors" are sadder cases than the posters.

That being said, I think there are sane people there, it takes a bit of time to work out who they are, but then just tune the LTB! frothers out.

bejeezus · 31/01/2012 10:58

I do find it odd that OP was accused of being a man

There are plenty of female misogynists

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 31/01/2012 11:01

I'm interested in what you think constitutes serious abuse? At what level of abuse do you deem it acceptable to 'leave the bastard'?

I'm not getting into this. We all have our own individual thoughts on what is acceptable within a relationship and what isn't. There seems to be the assumption that I have no empathy. That's bullshit. When I was younger I was in a truly abusive realtionship, incl violence. I would not take my experience and say to someone that their relationship must be or is going to be, the same.

bejeezus · 31/01/2012 11:02

Do you want an outcome to your discussion OP?

Do you want to highlight that posters on relationships over react and people should take it with a pinch of salt?

Do you want those posters to tone it down a bit? Try and see the other perspective before posting?

Genuine question- not understanding why your reaction to relationship board warrants a discussion

ShirleyO · 31/01/2012 11:04

Why are some of the OP's posts highlighted for me and some of them not? It's annoying. Grr.

bejeezus · 31/01/2012 11:04

whatmeworry it appears you might be the saddest case

porcamiseria · 31/01/2012 11:05

I agree OP

I would NEVER EVER EVER dare post there

its a scary place

bejeezus · 31/01/2012 11:07

You haven't really got into anything have you OP?

Lots of people have made lots of points. You, not so much

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 31/01/2012 11:08

#Do you want those posters to tone it down a bit? Try and see the other perspective before posting?

Yes. And to not be so sexist. Because I genuinely feel that it tarnishes MN, it certainly has for me, and I think in the main MN is a valuable rescource.

BIWI · 31/01/2012 11:11

Well counter it where and when you see it.

Complaining about the way people post or the views they hold is silly. MN is a huge site and there are posters with all manner of views and styles of posting.

Nobody will agree with them all.

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 31/01/2012 11:11

#Lots of people have made lots of points. You, not so much

I can't reply to every post and every question, even if I wanted to...I can't sit here all day. I posted to voice my views. I have posted a fair few times, I have said why I feel the way I do.

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 31/01/2012 11:12

#Well counter it where and when you see it.

I have tried and have been shot down, many times. Hence this thread.

Whatmeworry · 31/01/2012 11:15

whatmeworry it appears you might be the saddest case

Why thanks - except I never post there.

(What brought that on?)

ShirleyO · 31/01/2012 11:15

I hope OP goes to all the myriad of websites where men are Kings and talk away quite happily about what dreadful cunts women are and berates them in the same fashion.

I'm sure she does!

I don't like anti-male sentiment - but when I'm on a thread where a man is beating or abusing his partner in some way I would say "He is being a shit". I also don't like it when I read "Oh! Men! They don't see dirt do they? Silly buggers! What can you do eh?" or just "MEN!!!lol" and I will call posters out on that as well. Do you OP?

Who knows because a) You've NC and b) You appear to have effed up the NC.

MitchieInge · 31/01/2012 11:16

use of the word misandry in that context (women encouraging other women not to put up with poor behaviour from men) is a good example of sexism

if the imbalance you perceive, which is across the site as a whole, really troubles you because you want to make other women's lives easier then instead of foaming at your gusset on here just keep making the difference by offering your own reasoned and genuine support to those in need

bejeezus · 31/01/2012 11:27

There IS NO anti-male sentiment in the relationship section!!

Quite the opposite-as has been explained by many posters on this ere thread

You have a massive misunderstanding

MitchieInge · 31/01/2012 11:32

I have seen anti-male sentiment, like when someone said 'but men need porn'. Thought that was very insulting. Analagous to saying 'I NEED cocaine, don't care who gets hurt in its production/distribution'.

GooseyLoosey · 31/01/2012 11:32

I was going to post but find Blu has said everything I wanted to say already. I completely agree that sometimes the tone of the relationships threads can put off those seeking advice. I realise that there are very difficult issues being discussed and people are very emotionally involved, but often the ops would benefit from more detached and calmer advice as after a while I think they stop listening in the face of being shouted at.

MitchieInge · 31/01/2012 11:33

(never seen it go unchallenged though)

ifeelloved · 31/01/2012 11:36

(preparing to be shot down in flames!)

I actually see where the op is coming from.

I can't give any specific examples as if I see something like that I either respond at the time or ignore.

There is a lot of man bashing on mn, he same way there is also a lot of mil bashing on here.

For the most part though Ido find mn very supportive for posters who need it and usually those that are bleating on about rubbish are called on it.

FrothyDragon · 31/01/2012 11:38

If this "anti male sentiment" you claim exists is making your blood boil, then challenge it.

I've yet to see it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/01/2012 11:43

Manatee's post was great; insightful.

I think that some of the posters on the relationships board - as with other boards - have agendas that aren't all they're painted. Everybody brings their experience and viewpoints to a thread, it doesn't make them 'right' even if they're fervent.

I think that some of the threads on the relationships board have suffered from the loss of a few really experienced posters who gave it some gravitas almost, and as a result, some other posters seem to be jockeying for position as new 'queen of the board with an entourage'. It's those posters who I think take it too far, harranguing and calling the OP out if she doesn't do what she's 'told'. I'm sure those posters don't know who they are but others will.

There are other posters who I'd turn to in a heartbeat for advice because they're smashing; low profile maybe, but genuinely wanting to help. These are for them. Thanks

aaaaaaaaaaargh · 31/01/2012 11:43

#There IS NO anti-male sentiment in the relationship section!!

This really has to be the point at which I leave this thread and MN, it really does. If you can't see that there is no anti-male sentiment then I have no words.

I wish you and all the other MNetters well. Thanks to anyone who has seen my point or supported my view, you've been brave.

FrothyDragon · 31/01/2012 11:44

Don't let the door hit you on the way out...

Thanks
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/01/2012 11:45

Don't 'bow out', OP. There's room for everyone here.