to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

well you need to lay off the mars bars

Hexagonal and Quantro It doesn't matter what amount you are proud for. Every step fowrward is worth celebrating. If you earn 15K and last year you earnt 6K and you are planning to earn 20k next year then that is success. You are going forward. Or if you managed to give up drugs and get a job earning 3k a year. Or battled depression and now manage to have a shower and go to the shop. People are entitled to feel proud if they better themselves.

Hexagonal i feel like going vulgar and ask you how much you earn

How very crass

We're only going off what you say hex.

You know that he clearly doesn't earn £40k don't you? IME experience people always add a bit on when bragging, so somewhere between £30 - £35K would be my guess.

Not that it makes a scrap of difference, she is a knob, but I thought I would mention it.

Doesnot: The OP was asking for an opinion - yes or no. U seem to having an issue with everyone who says no.

If I were to say that I wouldnt get out if bed for £40k then I can understand the accusation of snobbery but the reality is that in the City we got guys who earn 6 fig salaries. If you know enough about interest rate swaps to earn the bank several million pounds profit then u2 can earn a 6 fig salary.

I don't mean to be insensitive to those who earn less than me but at the same time it narks me when those who earn less, resent me for earning more.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about.

Just nasty. It certainly would be something for me to brag about.

I think replying 'is that all' would make her think she's the poor one whether she is or not, though - that's surely the intention?

I think laquitar's attitude is good.

I don't work, Laquitar. DH works. I don't go round bragging about it at every opportunity though.

No one,myself included, has said that people shouldn't be proud of achievements. There is however no need to repeatedly brag, week after week, month after month, dropping that boast into every conversation.

quat I think you'r ebeing quite ridiculous.

There is not an objective list of what's worth bragging about and what isn't. It's completely subjective as to whether you feel proud or not.

I don't feel particularly proud of having written yet another book. But does that mean someone else should not feel proud of having written their first?

Yet, I feel spectacularly proud of some of my DC's achievemnets.

Do you guys tell your DC that they have nothing to be proud of if they only achieve somehting fairly average then?

I don't think people are resenting you for earning more. But some posters are talking on here as if everyone or nearly everyone earns very high salaries. That is not true. The vast majority of people earn less than 40k. So yes statistically it is a large salary.

are you sure it's not a mis-expressed gratitude/appreciation of being supported by her DH is a comfortable lifestyle?

I don't say it out loud, but when I hear DD tinkling on the piano or DS tugging my sleeve about Karate lessons, I do think 'isn't it lucky DH has a good salary to pay the subs on all these hobbies, and to pay for me to spend a lot of time at home to take them these places'.

"We're only going off what you say hex."

Well no you're not. I didn't state that she was the poor one of the group. Thelightpassenger certainly made that bit up. Or do you mean you're using what I say to read between the lines and form an opinion of what I think? bizarre.

Some of you have totally, totally missed the point I was trying to make. It's like hitting my head on a brick wall. Glad some of you got the point and have understood what I was saying.

I do not resent you for earning more, I don't think the OPs friend should be boring everyone with her DH acheivements re:wage, I just think those of you earning a large salary need to remember that not everyone does, and so £40k is a lot to some of us.

Your lack of perspective is my problem not how much you earn!

You can earn as much as you like, but remember for some of us £40k is a good wage. I appreciate for a much higher earner it isn't - but surely you can see we aren't all city workers and what have you so £40k is a lot to us?

I wondered that footprints.

hex the comment "is that all?" implies you have more cash than she does. It's nasty.

Is it not nasty of her to insinuate that she can afford more things/better things than the rest of us in the group as her DH earns 40k though? Or is it ok for her to say what she likes as her family income is less than mine? If we're bringing nastiness into this.

hex if you don't want people to form an opinion, based on what you say, why have you posted at all on this forum?

hex try reading my posts! I don't agree with your friends behaviour! Jeez.

And we haven't missed the point you were trying to make, you just made a few extra that have annoyed and offended some folk.

quattro
Bragging about earning £40k which is not such a big sum of money in the UK, certainly not in terms of family income.
You are spectacularly ill informed.
A £40k salary puts that household, even if the wife earns nothing, significantly above average.

OP
I think the best thing to do would be to ask her not to discuss it now that so many peoples' jobs are at risk.
An inverse way of dealing with the issue which leaves everybody's self esteem intact.

No, it's not ok for her to insinuate she can afford more. But IMO your reaction is a bit 'two wrongs don't make a right'.

It wouldn't be ok for her to insinuate she could afford more even if it were true, would it? Wouldn't you feel worse if she actually did earn loads more than all of you? I think that is where people are confused, that it comes across as if you think it's not ok because she earns less than you, whereas if she earned a lot you'd think it was ok to boast.

Oh here we go. I am interested in opinions, but I think it's ridiculously small minded for people like you to make a judgement and assume I've said things I haven't,based on a small number of posts made on a public forum.

I suggest you try reading my posts too!

hex "people like me?" What do you mean like that?

Get a job, then maybe you'd understand how offensive you are.