to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

I think there are three things that are pitiable here

1. The bragging - it's not good, is it
2. Bragging about earning £40k which is not such a big sum of money in the UK, certainly not in terms of family income. Kind of like bragging about a 3 year old Ford Fiesta. Slightly ridiculous.
3. Bragging about not her own achievements, but her DH's. Double ludicrous.

A friend of mine recently sold one of his companies for £10m. He told me in a very matter of fact way. He wasn't bragging, he was just telling me because that was the first business that he'd built up and he felt vaguely nostalgic about letting it go. But then again, it was his business IYSWIM.

Yay for word factory!

Pushydad £40K is nothing to boast about to you! For others it's different! Jeez can you not see that you are looking down on it when you declare it "nothing to boast about anyway!" It's nothing to you but would be something to me.

Laquitar celebrating friends' success is one thing though. A friend constantly mentioning something, that really isn't that fantastic, and marvellous, and brilliant, every single time you meet up, several times, is very boring indeed.

fog no need. I am as common as muck.

No, I do see that now, as I say, I just reacted strongly to your OP because I would think of saying a salary isn't much is belittling, whereas you just mean it'd all get spent quite easily.

I think it's a 'tone on the internet' thing.

Quattrocento you have summed up my thoughts perfectly, thank you!

Now the 10 million thing is definitely something worth bragging about, I wouldn't blame your friend if he mentioned that several times every time you met up with him, as that's something well worthy of bragging about. He sounds a very decent, modest chap!

The thing is the amount is irrelevant, because its the outgoings of peoples pay that really matter.

If you are paying £1500 mortgage, £800 childcare, £250 commuting costs etc, well you are over your take home pay already.

I would personally find her comments awkward, bring up salaries in relation to how much you spend in Boots would make me very embarrassed.

Ah, ok.

Now I am lost... it's ok to boast about 10 million?!

Why? Isn't it worse to boast if you're really rich than not?

Anyone else think that "is that all?" is a cruel put down? Surely "yes, I think we have all gathered that by now" type response would make the point.

jericho my point is, if someone is going to boast then they should at least boast about something worth boasting about, which IMO 40k is not. It's not unusual to earn 40k. It is unusual to sell a company for 10 million!

I think vulgar to mention whatever the salary is.

And I agree with the OP its not really so good deserves to be bragging anyway.

I agree I would ask why she feels it necessary to mention.

the light no, they won't know just how poor they are if you are as nice as that!

My DP earns roughly that, I'm a SAHM and I feel like we struggle to get by and our rent is only 525pm.

How is it cruel, Thelightpassenger? Why not say to me directly you think it is cruel as it was me that said I had thought about saying it, rather than trying to rally a group of others thinking it is cruel?

I'm aghast at people saying it's not that much - really? You really think that's not much?

What on earth do you do with £40k a year? I cannot imagine earning that much and if I did, I'd feel like the richest person on earth. I have no idea what it must be like not having to worry about booking a cheap holiday out of term or being able to eat out at the drop of a hat instead of treating ourselves to a cheap meal at Wetherspoons. Or worrying about having to buy dd a second hand uniform and whether the school shoes ordered off ebay for ds will be ok for him.

I do think that some people have incredibly good fortune in their lives and perhaps take that for granted? Not having to scrimp for every penny is incredibly fortune and a very lucky position to be in. Yet people still say that £40k pa is not that much?

I must be dreaming.

Yes of course "is that all" is a very cruel put down.

And given the majority of people don't earn £40k plus then it is not that common.

I agree with Jericho - either it is wrong to boast about any amount of money, or frankly you are being snobbish and out of touch.

I think completely the opposite. Boasting is not very nice in general, but it is disgusting to boast when you are very rich. It is more excusable if you are not doing as well as the people you're talking to, and by the sound of things that is how it is with this woman.

Oops that was in reply to hex not lesely.

Yes I realised Jericho thanks

Oh well if you think I'm snobbish and out of touch then so be it, lesley33. I can live with that.

Quattro - RE point 2. I know a LOT of people that would be excited, and dare I say it, a little bit 'braggy' if they got a 3 year old Ford Fiesta. Because to a lot of people, a car that NEW would be something they could only dream about. What's wrong with being excited about being able to buy a 3yo fiesta?

OP - £40K is a high income compared to what a very large percentage of the british population earn. Your friend isn't irritating because she is bragging about it - she's irritating because she's a self-centred bore! Doesn't mean that it's not insulting to be trying to devalue a salary of £40k by bemoaning that it's 'nothing to write home about' when lots of people earn only 1/3 of that.

The reason I didn't raise the point directly was because several posters had agreed it was a good putdown, not just you. And the reason it's cruel is as Don'tGiveaFig said - it's like saying "Ha - actually you are the poor one of the group".

Hex - I didn't think for a minute you couldn't.

Those who don't think £40k is that much, I personally extend an invite to them to spend a week with me. Go through our accounts and see how, even after doing all the cut backs that moneysavingexpert recommends, we are still left short almost every month.

Seriously, come and stay with us for a week, we'll make room for you and you can find out what it's like for a family of 4 to survive on less than half that amount - and yes, we do both work.

Did I say she was the poor one of the group though thelightpassenger? I find it amusing that several of you on here are trying to make out that I've said things or think things that I have not/do not.