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Original poster

to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

530 replies

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 11:01

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:15

hex I would certainly want to celebrate all my friends' good fortunes, whatever they may be.
If their children come top in an exam, if they get a tax rebate, if they just ran their first half marathon. Whatever they are proud of, then so am I.

CardyMow · 30/01/2012 12:15

Hear, here, TalkinPeace2.

PushyDad - read TalkinPeace's post. Then tell me again that £40K isn't a high wage in comparison. I can tell you that I would feel pretty darn happy if I could ever earn £40k+ again. Christ - I'd be happy if I ever had the opportunity to earn £18k again. And I probably WOULD shout from the rooftops about it. When I was earning £50k+ pa, I didn't think it was an astronomical amountbearing in mind my future earning potential at the time. I had my head up my own arse back then, mind you. It has been FIRMLY removed since. I had NO IDEA about RL for the majority of people. I live it day in, day out now, though.

Anything above £35kpa IS a high wage, It may not seem it at the time, when you are paying for travel, and childcare, and a mortgage etc - but try getting to work, housing your family and paying childcare costs on 1/3 of that. And see how well you do.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 12:16

I remember listening to a co worker bitching about how much her mate earned compared to her. How much more I asked. Dunno but I can guess was the reply. They are close enough to discuss oral sex and pro and con of letting the partner 'finish' but not to discuss money :) :)

The subjects that people consider taboo never ceases to amaze me.

LAlady · 30/01/2012 12:17

It's a decent salary but it's certainly not a big salary. It wouldn't be something to boast about but any sort of boasting about salaries is very crass.

I work in recruitment and that would be the lower end of the scale for the companies we recruit for.

Ephiny · 30/01/2012 12:18

Surely it's possible to say it's not a large salary, without looking down on the people who earn that amount or less. Some people earn very little (including me at the moment, as it happens!) or nothing at all, but I don't 'look down' on them because of it.

But neither do I pretend I think they're earning a fortune, to make other people feel better.

wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:20

I also find it very odd that you wouldn't be magnanimous to let a friend crow about somehting that you've got more of already achieved.
A mate of mine has just sold his first novel to a small indie publisher for about £2K.

Should I a. throw a party for him and let him mention it every two minutes. Or b. should I point out that I have had six books published and have sold the film rights for three?

Original poster
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 12:20

"hex I would certainly want to celebrate all my friends' good fortunes, whatever they may be.
If their children come top in an exam, if they get a tax rebate, if they just ran their first half marathon. Whatever they are proud of, then so am I."

So would you want to talk about it every time you meet up with them, for months and months then? Would you like to talk about a tax rebate in every conversation you have with that person, whatever topic the conversation starts up on, Word? I genuinely am curious. you seem to have missed the point of this thread, it's not about not being happy for people, it's about people obsessively talking about something all the time.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/01/2012 12:23

It's not just the actual salary figure, it's the constant wangling into every conversation whether relevant or not that got the OP's back up. And that would be crass and vulgar if the salary was £20k or £200k.

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 12:23

What do you reckon you'll do though? Would it be possible to take her to one side and let her know she's mentioned it an awful lot?

LoveInAColdClimate · 30/01/2012 12:23
wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:24

Well hex there were very much two parts to your post.
The first was the repetition of the boast. Which admittedly can get boring but is undertstandable when people are really really chuffed about somehting.

The second was your view that it really wasn't worthy of a boast anyway...which seems very sniffy tbh.

Original poster
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 12:24

I don't think I'll do anything jericho. She's pleasant enough in other ways and I don't see her often enough for it to really grate on me, plus there are always plenty of others in the group that I can escape to chat to about other things if it gets too much. I guess I could say "Really, is that all? how do you manage?" so maybe will do something like that some time but at the moment I'll leave it

OP posts:
wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:25

lovein I'm not world famous Grin

Original poster
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 12:26

It's not worthy of a boast though, wordfactory, he's hardly earning megabucks. If you think it's sniffy of me then so be it.

Anyway, good luck listening to your friends droning on and on for months about tax rebates and their childrens' exam results. Rather you than me! Wink

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 30/01/2012 12:27

wordfactory - UK famous? Grin

wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:27

hex what is worthy of a boast is subjective.

To be honest, you don't sound like a very good friend.

bishboschone · 30/01/2012 12:29

No I'm not sad she is better off , I'm sad that she had a shit childhood and was very poor .

JerichoStarQuilt · 30/01/2012 12:29

See, I wonder if she actually suspects you don't think it is much and that is why she mentions it so often?

You see the reason your post really struck a nerve with me is I know lately I have made a bit of a thing to my mum about DH getting a promotion, and it is boasting (and I wouldn't boast to a mate), but I do it because to be honest, I know she looks down on how much we have and I would rather have it out. I expect I'm projecting onto your mate's situation though!

I can see how it would get tedious because there's not an easy response uness you tackle it head on.

PushyDad · 30/01/2012 12:29

Huntycat

I said £40k is nothing to boast about as opposed to making negative remarks about people who don't earn that much. Jeeze! No wonder people don't discuss how much they earn.

And don't group everyone in the City with those fat cats that walk away with millions despite bringing down banks and countries. SIL walked into a £60K grad job coz of years studying. Now that she is in, 12 hour days are not uncommon. Is it fair that a married bus driver with a family gets paid one third? No its not but unless you want to live in a communist country, welcome to the capitalist world.

Original poster
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 12:30

Ah well, wordfactory I'm sure my friends would beg to differ about your opinion. There is no need to get personal now and make judgements about me.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 30/01/2012 12:30

Where I live £40k is almost twice the average salary. I thought I was doing well when I was on £20k and a fully expensed company car 12 years ago.

I agree that talking about one's earnings is a bit crass and very irritating.

wordfactory · 30/01/2012 12:31

lovein not famous but a name you may have heard if you read my genre.
That said, I am much more well known in some other countries. Which always feels very odd. I mean they're reading my books in translation so I don't have any idea of how they see my work if that makes sense.
Does humour come through I always wonder. Or slang?

Laquitar · 30/01/2012 12:32

By PushyDad: 'The subjects that people consider taboo never ceases to amaze me'.

I couldn't agree more. I had a thread about it. Many people thought that security electric gates are 'vulgar', 'you shouldn't show your money'. Ditto clothes, cars, anything that others can see. I don't get it, it doesn't offend me.

And -like word- i too celebrate my friends success.

Original poster
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/01/2012 12:33

As I said, jericho, she doesn't just mention it to me, but to our group of friends too.

Contrary to what you think, I am not a sneering person looking down my nose at her husband earning "only" 40k. I do not bring up the subject of money, it is her who mentions it. I go along to meet ups to have a chat with everyone (about everyday things, not finances) and to have a coffee.

OP posts:
foglike · 30/01/2012 12:33

Puts posh voice on when typing to wordfactory.

:)