to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

Bunbaker :( And yet, on this very thread, you will find people who think the South West isn't expensive. I think they are living in a different South West to the actual South West. It's the only explanation.

We pay £200 a month for water, we don't have a meter but since we are 5 people living in a 4 bed house apparently a meter is contra-indicated (to make one pay you have to have more bedrooms than people). We pay £200 a month for leccy and gas and that is too high but last year we were paying £150 a month and by June we owed them a few hundred quid, so we put the DD up. They now owe us, but we are waiting till the end of the winter to see how much it all levels out at, before deciding where to set the DD for next year. I suspect £170 is about right. Council tax is £180 a month. We have a good deal on the phone and broadband though. I'm not complaining about that (well, I'm not complaining about any of it, but I do find the comparisons interesting).

lesley33: I don't think that the bit about how poor immigrants statistically tend to achieve more educationally that English classmates is true. One only has to travel to places like Bradford, Handsworth (Birmingham) and parts of London to know that it not true.

Often people will point to some high achieving Asian kid in the predominantly white class and conclude that these Asians are damned clever. But then he is probably living in your catchment because the parents have pulled themselves up economically and that back in the Asian neighbourhoods the kids there are probably doing less well than their white couterparts because of the language problem.

Obviously 40k is a massive salary however it is annoying if anyone mentions the same thing for months and months.

Oh FGS!

Some people are richer than me. Some people are poorer than me. Some people are ungrateful twats. Some are thankful for what they have.

I'd rather judge people on their character than the size of their bank balance.

OP- if you find your friend's boasting vulgar, stop hanging out with her. Simples!

Erm, I live in the south west.

Water is expensive I'll give you that. Phone and broadband for is is around £50per month with BT who we had to go with for a year or else pay £80 for a phone connection.

Council tax, we are in a low band so around £134 a month.
When looking at properties to buy we were comparing with those for sale in Preston in areas we knew and there wasn't that much difference. My brother recently bought a 3 bedroom house for £175 in Oldham, that price would have got us a decent house in Chippenham, within communting distance of London, near the motorway for Bristol, Swindon and Bath and very good train service.

Our house was shockingly cheap as it had been on the market for 3 years and needed a lot doing to it. We bought at just the right time too, the housing market is pretty stagnant around here.

We pay quite a lot for road tax, car insurance and petrol. Our S reg is forever coming a cropper and each time we have to buy a part to fix it. Dh uses it to drive the 30 miles to work and back every day.

Home maintenance costs at the moment are high because we are still fixing the house including loft insulation, sealing the windows, repairing inner doors, clearing out the garden, repairing the guttering etc. All stuff that we can do but it takes time and every job needs materials, like the flooring and the fireplace.

But I do feel blessed. I also feel lucky because although I worked very hard to pay my own way through University and to have held down jobs since I left school, I did have one very supportive sister who I owe my life to and I made some brilliant friends who made me believe in myself. Coming from a very restrictive, abusive and working class background was a fight and other family members unfortunately didn't have lives that turned out quite as well.

"We pay £200 a month for water,"

We are on a meter and pay about £100 a quarter. I guess there isn't a lot you can do about water as our supplier is Yorkshire Water. I forgot to factor in our water into the monthly costs, so you could add another £33 per month for utilities. As for gas and electricity, it might be worth shopping around. We use Utility Warehouse (recommended by Which for the last few years) and no-one who has tried can touch them for the gas/electricity/phone/broadband combo. And as I said we don't like being cold. I work two days a week so you could say that in winter the heating is on all day for 5 days a week.

I know the South West is expensive because of all the highly paid TV execs/London high fliers who have second homes down there and drive up house prices. I have family in Cornwall and a friend in Devon and know full well that we wouldn't have the same standard of living that we do here is South Yorkshire.

I think statistically the ethnic group including white British that does best at GCSE's is the Chinese, it's not all Asian kids per se. Some Asian kids from I think Bengali and Somalian communities when I last looked at this kind of thing statistically perform on a par with white, working class and Afro-Carribean boys i.e are more marginalised. The pursuit of educational attainment is quite a Chinese trait and not as a rule by one ethnic group being 'cleverer' than another but whether their parents and peer group put a premium on learning

I also live in the south west and we got a mortgage when both of us were working on minimum wage (him full time and me part time) We just got self cert bills are quite high I suppose compared to wages but still doable. I think in my area average house is 15 x salary but if you want something bad enough you can still stretch to it imo.

Off topic, but I read (I think in Outliers again) that some sociologists think that the Chinese (and Korean and Japanese) attitude to work comes from the fact that they traditionally grow rice. Since rice grows year round, people are culturally used to working all the time. Whereas in Europe, we traditionally grow wheat and other crops, that you plant, then leave for a bit, then harvest. So we are more used to having breaks and stuff.

Obviously there is no way of proving that theory, but I thought it was interesting.

I used to teach a group of Korean students and seriously, they work SO hard. 6 days a week, at least 10 hours a day (but probably more like 14), and, get this, 1 week's holiday a year. On top of that, most people have a long commute.

We did self cert too molly.
It helped that dh had been with the same bank since he was 16 and our joint account had been held there ever since we got together. There is something to be said for loyalty. They had full knowledge of our credit history and so they agreed to our mortgage after a little persuasion.

Everything is worth a try.

Round here you can get a very decent 3 bed for around £175k. I don't know what the average is but it never seems to reflect realistic house prices, I think the top end of the market pushes the average price up. In reality you can get a decent house for much lower than the average and now is the time when you can haggle and many sellers will accept £10k lower than the asking price.

Round where we are there just aren't 3 bed houses for £175k. I wish there were! We paid a lot more than that for a smallish 3 bed with what may be the world's tinest garden (although it does have off-street parking which is like gold-dust around here, so we're very lucky in that respect, plus it didn't need anything structural doing to it when we moved in, so we could perhaps have got a wreck for less but would then have had to have the money to sort it out). Makes a huge difference where you live. Our basic outgoings are a lot more than many on here (outside London), and we have already done all the bill-comparision stuff and switched providers etc.

Saying that, this thread has made me feel luckier (not that I felt exactly hard done by before, just a bit aggrieved at how little cash we have left over on DH's salary). So thanks for the reminder as to how fortunate we are really. I do find it really scary that if the boiler breaks, we will have to use non-finite savings to fix it, but we're very lucky to have the savings in the first place, i know.

Just let her enjoy her boast, it sounds harmless

Obviously some earn more and some earn less and she thinks it's good ergo it's good for her

LoveInAColdClimate, I find that Mumsnet often has me thanking my lucky stars

And I find that the more people you talk to, at school, in the pub, out and about, neighbours etc the more of a network you build up so that if something did go wrong that you couldn't sort out yourself, you can call on one of your network of associates who, if they couldn't help you out can usually point you in the direction of someone who can.
Then you can repay the favour - I've built up business facebook pages for people and dh has repaired cars and done minor DIY repairs.

It makes a HUGE difference and helps you to get to know people around you too!

TheRhubarb Ah. Chippenham. So, not the actual South West then. And not being in the actual South West you don't suffer from the outrageous slings and arrows of South West Water. Things in general - and water in particular - are much more expensive in Devon and Cornwall. And yet, often, not so good (eg road and rail provision, something you mentioned). It's what you pay for living in a touristical place. :(

OP Next time she makes such a boast, you could try say something like "You know, I really admire you, you are so good at making your husbands salary stretch to luxuries, I know people on higher salaries who cant afford good make up and such things."

Rhubarb - yes, the fact that we only seem to know other lawyers and accountants makes us a bit stumped when we need a hand with anything remotely practical! We don't even know anyone who does a "useful" specialism, so when we need advice on stuff like property boundaries everyone looks confused and points out that they only know about cross-boundary tax law or whatever . Perhaps maternity leave will widen my social circle a bit, although weirdly most of the people I seem to have met so far at NCT and yoga are other lawyers...

thetasigmamum I am south devon and I still manage in our own property when we are both on near the minimum wage with 1 kid 1 on way and me only doing part time. Same as my friends who have properties to down here. it is quite expensve but 40k is still a massive salary, especially down here you would be in the very very top.

Haven't read the whole thread but I'm in the south east and couldn't cover childcare and commuting costs on £40k. 'Tis madness but true.

She is probably a combination of proud/excited/ and a bit daft! But 40k is way way above the natural average wage and would be life changing to a lot of families. The posters belittling it are more cringey than the lady boasting!

molly I have never said that £40K wasn't a decent salary. I think maybe you have confused me with another poster? I know it would be considered by most to be very good in South Devon (and indeed in my bit of Devon too) when you think that the average wage here is way way less than that. However it is still the case that many parts of Devon are, despite the low average wage, very expensive to live in, hence the high levels of personal indebtedness in this part of the world.

Sorry if I got you confused. Yeah it is expensive for water here but there is nowhere nicer in the uk to live and so if they put wages up there would be too many people who wanted to live here I think. You could live like a queen on 40k down here but its very unlikely to find a job on that much

molly Hmmm. I think it depends what your definition of living like a Queen is! for some people its the outgoings which are unavoidable which determine whether or not they live like a Queen (eg having dependents - sometimes with expensive or complex needs - other than just their DCs)

Living 5 people in a 4 bed house sounds pretty queen like to me

Cringing for her - it's a decent enough salary for outside London, but bragging about it??? I'd be embarrassed on her behalf - she obviously seems to think they're practically millionaires. It's a bit like walking into a nice hotel and announcing loudly, "Wow! It's so POSH here!" Kinda crass like that type of crass. A bit "Hyacinth Bucket..."

It's a pretty decent salary for a lot of people in London as well.

I'd go "bloody hell, this is posh" in a restaurant and if that makes me crass, then boo fucking hoo. But then I'm working class and should just be hidden away from sight.