to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

One thing this does illustrate IMO, is that the cost of childcare is prohibitive to working in London... DH's salary as a fairy NQ teacher would have left us with about £200 spare per month after childcare if he had not been a SAHD... we would gladly pay that to be at home with DD!!!!! I think you have to be earning A LOT (ie more than a teacher!) to make it worth working rather than staying at home!

legallyblond I think you might be in for a shock if you are expecting bills to be cheaper here, you know. Have you found a house yet?

OhDearNigel I live NorthWest in quite a nice area tbf, but it's my BILs property, he has very kindly allowed us to live there for a much reduced price.

£300 would not get us very far either if we were to consider moving.

Until last month household income of 77k, no mortgage - paid off, council tax about £120 per month, commuting - not sure but probably about £50 per month.

Since last month £51k household income

TheRhubarb - you are lucky to have a very low mortgage. You wonder how people manage to spend £40k and still be badly off ? Well - most of us don't have a very low mortage. Our mortgage is £1200 per month, we have a 2 bedroom terraced cottage straight onto the pavement which is 10ft wide at it's widest point and 25ft long. We have a tiny courtyard garden. We have no parking. We live in the town centre and not in a remotely fancy area. Our council tax is £1300 a year. Just owning the house and paying the council tax takes up nearly my entire salary.

I'm guessing you don't live in the South East

Because legallyblonde if you looked at my post the difference between our mortgages yours £750 - mine £1500, there's £750 for a start. I have £500pm childcare costs...you've a SAHD and therefore £0 costs.

That's £1250 extra i'm paying out than you!

We have some money left at the end of the month to take the kids on days out etc, buy treats and the occasional toy but we dont have a life of luxury

Also, off on yet another tangent, but yellowraincoat - I couldn't disagree more and it REALLY anoys me when people say that it is just down to luck!

Yes, I was very lucky to be born in the K to a well off and well educated family who were kind enough to put me througfh private school. That was luck.

However, it was not luck that meant I got all As throught school - that was hard work literally every single day since I was 16.

It was not luck that I got a first at uni - again, I promise you that was hard work.

It was not luck that meant I chose my well paid profession - it was the hard work mentioned above that made it a viable option, then a genuine choice to do that (seemingly boring, though I love it now) profession over, say, being a writer or working in film or even bveing a teacher or a nurse (which are far better things to do in my opinion) becasue I knew it paid more and I knew I wanted to send DCs, when I had them, to private school.

How is that luck? My start in life was luck, as were many opportunities presented to me. What I did with that and the choices I made were not luck.

I know baking - I posted before I saw your post - I am terribly slow at this (as I am at work...!). Sorry!

"Ephiny, our house is an ex-council house, a repo. It's not in a great area and has a lot wrong with it but it's all we could afford."

Sounds similar to ours: ex-council, rough area, needed lots of renovation to make it liveable. Amazing that there's such a cost difference (over 3x) - I guess it's a combination of us being in London near good commuter links, and having the poor judgement bad luck to buy at the 'top' of the market and get a fixed-rate mortgage...

This whole thread is just...infathomable to me. To be talking about vulgarity and "oh how she brags!" while bragging and being vulgar is mental!

TheRhubarb: Up to the age of 4 my family and I lived in a metal shack back in the 'home country'. Our first place in the UK was a large room divided by a washing line and a couple of bedsheets. I was 7 before I didn't have to share a bed with my parents. I was 11 before I didn't have to share a room with my older sister. So, we can do that Monthy Phython sketch where they try to outdo each other as to how poor they were, if you like :)

True legally, I know a girl who went to private school. She's never worked and probably never will. She sits at home, playing on the internet and generally not doing much at all, which is her choice (paid for partially by the state and lots by daddy). Point is, she was sent to private school and has done eff all with it.

bakingaddict and that of course is the difference between inheriting/getting a leg up from parents, and earning income. People who inherit money or get a bung from their parents often don't do the maths to realise just what that lump sum has bought them in purchasing power, and how much someone earning a salary, with PAYE and NI etc deducted, would have to earn to replicate the effect. It's the same principle as those who get a cheap property either through the right to buy or through family connections - the maths is a little bit complex (perhaps enough to put unlucky people off) but the actual benefit you get from something like that would need surprisingly large chunks of 'salary' to replicate. But people can't seem to grasp that. And then tell you how frugal they are!

It is pretty impolite to boast about salaries though...

I made £1k per 3 month net for a part time job, working 2 evenings per week for 3 weeks teaching (so had lesson preparation and marking to do also) when we lived in Norway. (The course was 3 weeks, or 6 sessions) My son had obviously overheard me discussing the pay with my dh, and thought it was massive. Imagine my embarassment when he exictedly told his friend that "Mum earns 1k per month!" This boys dad is a bank manager, and would obviously earn 8 times as much....

Your friend has the tact of an ignorant child, Op!

thetasingmamum - we bought a house down there two years ago... literally counting down the days till we move!!!!!! I know re the bills - but I think we are on some really bad deals where we are (phone, internet etc all separate and very expensive!). Plus we have no gas in our flat and it is all heated on VERY inefficient electric wall heaters!

[must revert back to spreadsheet.... obsessive, obsessive!]

I live in the south-west and we have a low mortgage because we compromised on the house and bought one that was far from ideal, but it provided a home. Council tax is low because it's an ex-council house.

However heating is high because all the windows need replacing. We removed all the glue bags from out of the garden and put in hard work and muscle in making it safe for the children to play in.

Yes we are lucky. On our rented house we paid £600pm. But although we are saving £150pm that goes on higher heating bills and the cost of buying the materials to do the house up.

However on £40k, that should be able to pay a mortgage at £1,200 plus the council tax and assuming heating bills are the same, anyone on that wage should still have some left over each month.

Childcare is a pita and again, we are lucky because I work from home. We'd get no help towards childcare like a lot of people. If I had to pay out for childcare my wages would simply be going to someone else.

I don't find living in the south that much more expensive than living up North (from Oldham, have also lived in Preston).

Exactly, legallyblond - you got a lucky start. That is all that most people need. It's not a coincidence that you worked hard when so many kids from rough estates don't. It's about entitlement and self-confidence and having parents who want a good future for you. Beyond that, you don't need a hell of a lot to be successful.

I don't want to do down anyone's achievements at all. But equally, I know a lot of people as smart and hard-working as anyone who can't get where they want to because, essentially, they don't feel they deserve it. It's a hard cycle to break and you're lucky not to be in it.

TheRhubarb when I was in London recently I saw a one bed flat advertised at £2k per week, I was all like this .

No offence taken legallyblond...as other people have said it's interesting to compare other people's incomings and outgoings and basically life experiences

Good luck in your career, is your mumsnet name indicative of your professsion just out of interest. Have accepted that my earnings potential will bottom out at about £50-55K if I can still be arsed to pursue it with any vigour

I moved out of London because I knew I would always struggle financially there. I now have a 4 bedroom house in the north in a nice area bought with no inheritance or helping hands.

pushydad - its not just about actual poverty, its also about aspirations. Many immigrants push their children to achieve and so the children of poor immigrants statistically tend to achieve more educationally and in later earning potential than their other class mates.

True yellowraincoat, but there are a lot of people who have a great start who either balls it up, or who, quite rightly, choose to earn less and therefore do not have a high salary. Its not just luck, its choices.

But I totally agree re the link between expectations and confidence and achievement. Its so hard to see how that cycle can be broken, isn't it?

"bakingaddict Ultilities only £250pm? Can I come and live with you????"

If you think that is cheap I only pay £158 a month for: gas, electricity, phone and broadband. And we aren't mean with the heating.

I agree, legallyblond, that a lot of people mess stuff up despite a good start in life, or on the other hand, are very successful despite a shit start.

I was really shocked by the book "Outliers" which I read recently. They did an experiment on a group of kids who all had a high IQ. They followed these kids to adulthood. Universally, the kids from rich backgrounds did well, the kids from poor backgrounds didn't.

I find that incredibly depressing.

Gah - its shit isn't it. I can't see anything at all that can change that cycle. Not really.