to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

Again Hex, apologies I was directing that at those who were saying that they would struggle on their £40k incomes and someone even said that she did do, I was asking why they were not happy with receiving the amounts they did.

If you don't mind answering (obviously!), if your household income is significantly lower than £40k, how much are your mortgage/rent plus travel costs? Thanks.

This thread completely illustrates why in RL we all avoid talking about money!
Such a contentious issue!

Mimishimi that is not really a fair comparison as the cost of living in Australia is much higher (i.e. doesn't translate to straight conversion)

Apologies if someone's asked this, but how old is he? Because £40k is a lot if he's 30, not so great if he's 50.

Though, yes, I know it is all relative and most people earn a lot less etc. But generally, if you're in a middle-class job, your earnings rise as you get older.

Hex, when so many have said that comments made on this thread have been insulting I get the impression that I am not the only one who feels insulted. I am not a lone voice in this. There are many other posters who have pointed out the insensitivities and yet far from apologising for any offence that posters may have caused, instead there is counter-accusation and defensive posts.

I apologise for any offence my harshly worded and angry posts may have caused. It was not my intention but I have been angered and I have been offended that my family's income is considered nothing to some people on here. However that gives me no right to make others feel bad so I apologise for my part in that.

Look OP, if you bought a brand-new Ford Blahdeblah with extra special leather gear stick and a deluxe ejector seat and you were really really pleased with it, would you not feel slightly upset if others looked and it and said' Oh god I wouldn't have got that model, it's the one with the dodgy X, and I couldn't possible live with that colour!' Worthless? No. Deflated, yes. Would it matter hugely? Probably not but you might feel hurt. I think it's similar.

And I re-iterate, Rhubarb, you and you alone are responsible for you feeling worthless. No one else

I disagree. If I worked really hard to get my wage up to a certain level, and you came along and told me "it wasn't that much really and nothing to boast about" I'd feel like you'd shat all over my achievements IYSWIM which would make me feel a bit worthless when you said it.

TheRhubarb 'Hard work alone does not get you where you want to go"

On what do you base this? Your own experience. Whereas my experience, from almost certainly a harder background than you, is that it does. You should, at the least, modify your rather blinkered standpoint to 'Hard work alone does not always....' or 'Hard work alone might not....'

Anything else is insulting.

LoveInAColdClimate - our mortgage is £450 per month, travel costs are quite high as dh drives 30 miles to work and back.
I don't use a car so I walk everywhere. It's one of our cutbacks.

Am honestly that anyone thinks 40K is not a high salary. That's about 4 times what I earn!

I know some people earn a lot lot lot more than 40K but it just amazes that so many people have no clue how lucky they are.

OK, this woman sounds annoying, but maybe she's always been skint and is now delighted by not having to scrimp and save - I know I would be.

Part of my partner's job is reviewing restaurants - so we get a lot of free meals. I don't feel like I shouldn't tell people about our free meals - if someone asks what I did yesterday, yeah, I tell them we went out to a fancy restaurant for free. Because I am so FUCKING delighted to not have to be thinking "can I afford to spend £3 on chicken for tea tonight".

She's not doing any harm by saying it, is she? Why not just be happy for her? She obviously doesn't have any money worries and that's a really great feeling.

mortgage costs me £700 p/m, car costs around £100 p/m, then there are bills and food on top. I live up north though so the context is different to those down south/elsewhere.

LoveInAColdClimate - joint, me and my partner take home about 26K. We don't have any kids.

Our travel comes to about £100 a month each, rent is £1000 and bills about £150.

It goes to show how different people measure success by. Some by money, some by status, some by job satisfaction (including sahps) And a lot of us by how happy we are!

Thanks, Rhubarb and Fig. Seem to have a fruit theme going on there!

Even on nearly double the salary as stated in the OP, life isn't a bed of roses here in London, we aren't struggling as such but I still have to plan meals, make stuff for the freezer, buy the kids second hand stuff off ebay. We dont have a car, kids dont go to private schools, last foreign holiday was subsidised by MIL, although we do own our house it's not what's considered an exclusive part of London.

I'm bemused by this indignation that those earning £40K plus cant be struggling as much as anybody else,

And thanks to yellow - x posts, sorry.

thetasigmamum that is my opinion based on my experience as a bloody hard working mother. And don't presume about my background please.

I know many people who have worked very very hard and some of them have been driven to suicide because they have been passed over for jobs and promotions and left in the gutter. There are some inspirational people who refuse to back down and they make it, not always for a high salary, just to break through into the career they want. But you don't hear about the many who don't make it do you? One friend of mine is at this very moment fighting for his political career because he is deemed to be too working class to belong. Another killed himself last year because the stress and the pressure of fighting for everything got too much for him.

You clearly have a different experience but don't deny me mine. Opinions are borne from experiences and whilst I will concede you your point, I think we might need to meet in the middle.

I think other people are very good at making others feel worthless. I don't think it just comes from within. Part of it always does, but other people could seriously do with thinking what they're saying before they speak. Because stuff does have an effect on others - we're not islands, after all.

A friend of mine said recently - "God, X only earns £17K a year - how on EARTH does he survive, it must be shit, it is pointless living in London on that".

I earn about 10K at the moment. I wouldn't say it made me feel worthless exactly, but it made me feel so removed from her, that she can think 17K is nothing.

Sorry for breaking the fruit theme, LoveInAColdClimate.

"If you don't mind answering (obviously!), if your household income is significantly lower than £40k, how much are your mortgage/rent plus travel costs? Thanks."

Mortgage - nil (because we are old and have paid off our mortgage)
Council tax - £174 per month
Travel costs - don't know (3 x 32 mile) round trips by car on the motorway per week
OH works from home and gets his travelling expenses paid for by whoever employs him at the time

What about student debt? Repaying student loans must be a huge millstone for many people. OH and I were students when grants were available so it is something we were never saddled with (because we are old )

Student loans don't set you back that much, Bunbaker. My partner pays off about £50 a month I think, I currently don't earn enough to pay it back at all.

I'm bemused by this indignation that those earning £40K plus cant be struggling as much as anybody else

What do you struggle to pay for, where are you in the country? (genuine curiosity, not bitchiness I hasten to add! I am just interested)

Depends whether said husband pays tax through PAYE or through a Ltd company.

Also, if you don't know what their mortgage or existing debts/investments are, who knows... they could be better off than you on £40k!

Often a post reveal more about the person complaining than the person being complained about.

My BIL and his wife are a couple of City DINKIES (Double Income and No Kids). If some of you are disgusted at the thought of young people earning £40k you'll be vomiting if you knew what their combined income was :)

When he talks about his skiing holiday or his winter beach holiday do I think that he is being insensitive to my foreign holiday every other year (got school fees to pay)? No. Should he be sensitive and not talk about his new car in front of me or his newly built conservatory? Of course not? Why? Coz we all have people higher up the economic food chain than us but I got better things to do than rant about it.