to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

lesley33, that's the thing. Where we live, we're in a smaller house than many of our friends - it's just a very affluent area. Not sure whether that's good for the morale or not!

I have a friend like this too OP. She's always going on about how lucky she is to be a SAHM.
It is annoying but I can also see that she is bored bring at home all day and likes to think she's bettered herself by marrying someone with a better paid job than her parents. Cringe indeed.

However, he has not got so out of touch that he would belittle anyone not making that. If on eof our friends is proud to earn 40k then we're equally proud of them.

this is lovely!

Chas, I am registered with PeoplePerHour and put on 2 bids a day until my credits run out.
Carefully worded bids but I fear because I haven't won a bid yet, I'm not trusted.

I work for one client at the moment who is a regular. I have a website which I have updated and had Mumsnet help me with. I write regular articles which link back to the site. I have now started a new site which I hope to make an income from by affiliate deals.
I get the feeling that once I have more experience under my belt then the work will come in, but its a vicious cycle of trying to get that experience without the necessary experience iyswim.

I do not ever look down my nose at anyone.

Ever.

I answered the OP's question truthfully in relation to my life. My life is my reality. Why should I lie & say 40k is a tonne of money when, TO ME, it isn't.

I am grateful for every penny that my DH earns for our family. Every penny.

I am extremely offended that you, TheRhubarb, are saying I am not.

How dare you.

Your assumptions & accusals are blatant spitefulness that comes from your begrugement & jealousy.

Jealousy is also an unattractive trait, along with lack of gratitude & snobbishness.
Thankfully, I do not suffer from any of these.

"But it's not a huge amount. Once you break down tax and expenditure. THat's not to say that we shouldn't feel bad about people strugging on a lot less, it's just that 40K to a lot of people living in certain parts of the country is not much."

Are you in London? Here in South Yorkshire £40k is a huge amount and goes a long way. OH is self employed and often earns less than that, but we have a 4 bedroom detached house in a nice area with access to the best schools, run 2 cars, holiday abroad, put the heating on when it is cold without having to think twice about it and manage to put money in ISAs every year.

Perhaps I could start a boast thread about how little we manage on.

bun I think that's what's missing from posts, and why it's getting a bit heated! A few of us have mentioned the area thing. London's different to Lancashire that's for sure!

hettie you do realise though that not all people who are high earners now had what you might call a 'good start' in life. Someone who has been diagnosed with a condition which bars them by law from their previous profession (like HuntyCat ) is in a very different position to someone who has no qualifications.

HuntyCat - that is a terrible thing to happen. It must be devastating for you on many levels - not just financially but also just in terms of no longer being able to do a job you trained for and possibly liked (not making any assumptions - I know plenty of people who trained long and hard for their careers but don't like what they are doing at all, any more). :(

PushyDad, I hope your line of work doesn't expect good grammar

Perhaps I should say "thankful" instead of grateful. Thankful because there is no difference between you and say someone born at the same time, on the same day in a council house estate on Manchester. But because of your background and experiences, because of the chances that were afforded to you, you have done well in life and the man in Manchester may not have done so well purely based on his background, his lack of opportunities, lack of encouragement and lack of a good education.

We are lucky because we were born in the Western world were we won't starve or die of malaria. Some of us do much better than others, but we are all equal and in some cases we owe our successes to our parenting, our background, our education, our opportunites and this is why we should be thankful and not look down on or dismiss those below you.

£40k is a lot of money to them and all you need to do is show a little sensitivity in that respect. It's not too much to ask and doesn't mean we are jealous or bitter.

At work there are several of us who live in a specific area. Lets call it Monkfoot. No one has heard of Monkfoot. It is located between Severton (a vibrant urban area with a large black African population, interesting African and Middle Eastern food and fabric shops, a slightly run down feel, a reputation for poor housing, high crime and gang culture) and Tangleham (a enclave of the white British middle class, rich in delis, cafes, trinket shops, bugaboo buggies, expensive houses with doors painted in that particular shade of Farrow and Ball green-grey, a reputation for slightly snootiness). When people ask where Monkfoot is all my white middle class British friends say "Near Severton" and all my black middle class African friends say ""Near Tangleham". It's cultural (and funny!) .

Could your friend be trying to get the ettiquette rules right and failing?

OP - its never good to talk money in public, but tbh, I would just ignore it rather than make her feel bad by being sarcastic or saying "is that all?!" etc etc. I guess she's just insecure. If you're not, and I assume you are not, it will be easy for you to let it wash over you.

I am though at some people implying that they [would] struggle on £40K or more. I have seen two sides to this: in London, this was my starting salary - I was, frankly, perfectly wealthy and able to afford LOTS of luxuries (holidays, bought a lovely flat - admittedly with DH earning too, never thought about meals out or shopping etc). So much so that now, albeit earning more than that, but not much more, I can support DH as a SAHD. We are now moving out of London and 40K will be my new salary (many years later - deja vu!! great ). We have very carefully planned our budget (I am anal about my spreadsheets!) - we will still be able to afford our mortgage, a skiing holiday and to send DD to private school (and DH will still be a SAHD). Not sure how and in what world £40K is not manageable...........

(I know lots of good friends who earn eyewatering amounts that faaar exceed £40K........they all consider themselves wealthy and are very thankful!)

the OP's friend needs to show that sensitivity surely as well?

40K is defiantely a nice salary to be earning for sure. Like Chaz says in London what would leave you okish, in other areas you'd be loaded!! It's definately not appropriate to talk about money like that. Unless it's a heart to heart with a girlfirend where you're trying to gauge whether you should be asking for a payrise/valued in your company. Very crass to just throw it around, especially if other's in her company are less well off....or indeed more well off and just think, god shut up!!

fuck me, I earn more that her DH and we are SKINT!!!!!! brassic

she is a fucking BELL END!!!!

Zondra, I didn't say that you did not deserve your high income. I have asked that you all show a little respect for those who are not as lucky, those who work just as hard and have to lower their standards of living because of earnings which, quite simply, are not liveable wages.

To say that £40k is not a high amount for you or your standards of living, is insensitive. How do you think it makes people who earn less than half that amount feel? That they should put up with a crappy standard of living because that's all that they deserve? That their wages are so low that other people can't even imagine living on such a pitiable amount?

If you cannot see how your own posts are offensive then I despair. You are so quick to point out the offence in other posts but yet you are oblivious to it in your own.

Genuine question to those earning £40k and it not being enough

Do you have an awfully high amount of debt?

To say that £40k is not a high amount for you or your standards of living, is insensitive.

Not at all....if £40k is the sole income for a household (this is what we are talking right?)

legallyblond are you saying that £40k is your joint income? If so, I don't see how you can afford that lifestyle..in London.

"Hex, I wasn't aiming my comments just at you but others who have contributed and yes actually, because you've just summed up the attitude when you said "It's not about not having the chance to earn a good income, it's about getting out there and earning it."

Actually it IS luck. Because there are many many people who have worked very hard and haven't stopped working since they left school. People who have paid their own way through University but still ended up with minimum wage jobs. To say that all you have to do is get out there an earn it shows a complete and utter ignorance of the state of affairs of our economy AND the job market.

As I said on a different thread, when I lost my job in a school I applied for many jobs that I was both qualified to do and had experience in. I didn't even get acknowledgement letters.

Yes you should be bloody grateful! I'm grateful that I have a home of my own, 2 beautiful children and a hard working and honest husband. I am grateful and lucky that I found the chance to work for myself. I am luckier than most and I am very grateful for our position in life.

Why are you not?"

Where have I said on here that I'm not grateful or happy with my position in life or with my family's income? Please do enlighten me as you seem to know all these things about me that I don't even know about myself!

Oh and whilst I agree that luck does play a part in getting a high income, it is not the only factor. If you think luck is the only factor then it shows a bitter, jealous and naive attitude from you.

Surely it depends on your outgoings - if you're in London with a large (or even average) mortgage, an expensive commute and need full-time childcare for perhaps more than one child...40k is really not going to go very far at all. It shouldn't be offensive to people with lower outgoings to say that you personaly would struggle to manage on that salary.

It's nothing at all to do with what people 'deserve', or about looking down on anyone, no one has suggested that. I can't understand why some are so quick to take offence here.

TheRhubarb Actually you have posted a few questionable things too, you know. Especially the comment about the man born in a Manchester council Estate. I happen to know a man who grew up on a Manchester Council Estate. Well - Salford. He earns 6 figures. He went to Oxford. I think he'd be a bit surprised at you assuming his life was one of despair and low earnings based purely on where his parents lived when he was born and growing up. I grew up in a council flat in London. Obviously London isn't Manchester, and I'm not a man, but apart from that.......I too am a high earner.

You really shouldn't generalise, you know. It's silly. And it can annoy people.

rhubarb people are describing their own circumstances....and what is real to them. You don't know what people spend their money on or what obligations and commitments they have...

You are no more virtuous for struggling.

DoesNot: I'm on a smartphone AND at work. I don't have the time to qualify everything I say just in case someone chooses to read in something
that wasn't intended :)

I think whether you view £40K as a huge amount or as a reasonable wage is entirely dependent on your part of the country. In some parts of the UK you can get a 3 bed semi for around the £100K mark but in London and the Home counties your looking at at least £300K, so if your're on £16-18K in the North, you'd have to be earning £40K down South to achieve comparable lifestyles

Exactly Epiphany!