to think 40k isn't *that* high a salary?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

Someone I know is constantly boasting that their DH earns 40k per year. Every time I meet up with her (she is in a group of friends), she will drop it into the conversation at every available opportunity. If someone admires something she's wearing she will say something like "well it was from X shop but I can afford stuff like that as DH earns 40k a year". It's difficult to explain how she does it, but somehow she manages to mention it several times each time I've seen her, not just to me but to everyone.

Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? Certainly not a wage to boast and brag about. By the time they've paid their rent (it's 1k per month, she's told us all that several hundred times too), bills and other things I wouldn't think they're left with a huge amount.

I really couldn't give a monkeys what anyone else earns but I'm just surprised that she seems to think its so unusual and so worth bragging about.

There is another thread somewhere, where the OP is talking about losing one inheritance of £60K and hiding another inheritance of £20K from her DH. Now that's blinkered. At least higher earners earn their income. And an earned (and taxed) income of umpty thrumpty split over a year is a very different proposition than a lump sum of £20K or more tax free.

lesley33, wholeheartedly agree. My dh works full time delivering heavy plant machinery to depots and sites across 3 counties. His basic pay is £14.5k. I am struggling to maintain my self-employed status and currently earn anywhere from £50pw to £200pw.

His job is threatened as the construction industry is failing to recover and my job is very slow because internet businesses are slowing down and there is not the spare cash around to pay someone like me to write their site content for them.

So there are plenty of hard working people around who bring in what might be considered a pittance to many, but that's what our employers deem we are worth and that is what we have to pay our mortgages with, feed our kids and take a holiday every year - which is not always possible.

Erm, TheRubarb you are making assumptions about me. I am not "ungrateful" for my family's income. You have also assumed that we have an enormous income, which we most certainly do not. And I have not presumed that we have less than others, that is what the woman I referred to in my OP is doing! Not me!

And to be honest your comment about high earners not deserving their wages just sound bitter to be honest. It's not about not having the chance to earn a good income, it's about getting out there and earning it.

Oh, goodness, I am quite openly envious! Aren't most people?

Like I said, I would love to be earning 40k-plus!

That doesn't mean I begrudge it to other people or think they must all be out of touch with reality or selfish or anything - I've never found income is much to do with how nice a person someone is.

I do agree with rhubarb though that it does feel a bit like a slap in the face to have 40k called not much.

I am a sahm mum whose dh earns £45 thousand a year. We struggle on that-and we certainly dont have horses!

We live in a tiny ex council house,drive a low range car and have only ever had a weeks seaside holiday in this country which tbh we probably wont even be able to afford this year.

However I dont brag or moan about what my dh earns as I know some of my friends earn a lot less and some earn more-especially those where both parents work.

I try to be grateful for what we have-though it can be hard not to compare yourselves to others. Ho hum. such is life...

What I cannot understand it Rhubarb talking that those on a high income that are not thankful do not deserve their money and talking about people not having the chance to have that kind of income. It sounds defeatest and bitter.

It's not an awful lot no. I earn almost that and I know that once I would ave thought "Wow!" but not now I have a family. My DH earns half he salary I do and it's not a problem...I used to think that we might afford prvate education but I now know that would be impossible.

PushyDad and Zondra, I think it's the sense of entitlement that makes it offensive. That your particular lifestyles are worthy of more than £40k a year and you would look down your noses at anything less.

That is offensive because you could at least pretend to be grateful that you are working and earning a liveable amount instead of saying how terrible it would be if you earned any less.

Humility is one thing some people are sorely lacking in.

But it just depends where you live, doesn't it? We are in the home counties - dH earns 60K or so. I'm a SAHM. We do not have spare money for treats once we've paid the mortgage, bills, essentials for the DC, food, commuting costs. Granted we're not struggling to buy food or other essentials, but last year was the first time we'd been abroad in 4 years and we have zero savings. Here, 60K, never mind 40K does not go far. THat's not to say I'm unaware that others are earning less, but if you are living somewhere less expensive with low commuting costs then under 40K may seem perfectly doable.

Doesnot: I read upthread and saw your quote from another poster

"Now I know 40k is a decent wage compared to some, but its not that good really is it? "

I now understand why you consider such posts offensive :) In my defence, outside of London it is a good salary. And I certainly wouldn't measure someone by how much they make. I mean, I know people who earn more than me and I know people who earn less than me. I'm not a better person or a worse person. This is just the way the job market works.

PushyDad - it never USED to seem like a lot of money to me. Until I was diagnosed with a disability and barred from my previous profession by law. Now it is an unattainable figure. And I can see the REALITY of the fact that it IS a lot of money. And it IS insensitive to try to pretend otherwise. It may not be a large salary to you - but you should be thankful of it, because it is an unattainable salary for the majority of the British population. And you never know what is going to happen tomorrow.

Rhubarb I do the same as you and the only way to make it pay is to go at it hard. I work around 50 hours a week and never under estimate my worth.

Maybe you need to do more hours or up your rates?

£40k a year is more than 75% of the country earns.
End of.

OP
I told you how to deal with your friend without sounding as arrogant as you clearly are.
Do it.

But can you imagine trying to live IN London on a salary of just 1/3 of that, PushyDad? The majority of people do.

I am not saying that it is not a lot of money to a single mum or to the guy who empties my bins, or my son's teacher or ... or ... I'm just saying that it is not a large salary to me.

If you phrased it in more of a "in my chosen career, £40k is quite a low wage..." Or even just like you have here, fair dos, in some careers it really is. Another poster did so and it gave the post perspective - someone who said their starter wage was something like £60k.

A lot of the posts have read to the effect of £40k being really low for everybody regardless IYSWIM, that's the attitude that's hard to fathom, and the average wage is much lower, and people live in different areas and contexts.

avon - The thing is there will be lots of people in the home counties earning a lot less. It is doable. But not perhaps in the house you live in or the area or village you live in.

Apparently the average salary for males is around the £30k mark. That doesn't take high wage earners or minimum wage earners into account. I can't find the median salary by googling though.

money brings out the worst in people. IME

But some people don't have the chance to earn that income.
If you are disabled for example or have no qualifications jobs that pay 40k are not available to you.
Do you really think that all it takes is hard work? Children who are born in to families with abusive/addicted parents struggle to survive daily life, let alone find the ennergy/space to study and do well at school, gain a place at uni etc etc.... Those children become adults who would love to have access to well paid jobs. It is just incredibly incredibly hard to go back and get those qualifications whilst working/living. Some manage it, but I think you utterly underestiamte the advantage a good start in life people. Social mobility in this country has ground to a halt.....
And btw the office for national statistics gave the average income as £26,400 in 2010..... so yup £40k is a very good wage indeed....

But it's not a huge amount. Once you break down tax and expenditure. THat's not to say that we shouldn't feel bad about people strugging on a lot less, it's just that 40K to a lot of people living in certain parts of the country is not much. I feel grateful that DH has a job, but not that he earns what he earns, cos compared to many others, it's not that much!

Hex, I wasn't aiming my comments just at you but others who have contributed and yes actually, because you've just summed up the attitude when you said "It's not about not having the chance to earn a good income, it's about getting out there and earning it."

Actually it IS luck. Because there are many many people who have worked very hard and haven't stopped working since they left school. People who have paid their own way through University but still ended up with minimum wage jobs. To say that all you have to do is get out there an earn it shows a complete and utter ignorance of the state of affairs of our economy AND the job market.

As I said on a different thread, when I lost my job in a school I applied for many jobs that I was both qualified to do and had experience in. I didn't even get acknowledgement letters.

Yes you should be bloody grateful! I'm grateful that I have a home of my own, 2 beautiful children and a hard working and honest husband. I am grateful and lucky that I found the chance to work for myself. I am luckier than most and I am very grateful for our position in life.

Why are you not?

I think what's important here is not what we would be happy with ourselves, but that we don't begrudge others for being proud of themselves.

So for DH a bad year would look like ten times that. That's the industry he's in. However, he has not got so out of touch that he would belittle anyone not making that. If on eof our friends is proud to earn 40k then we're equally proud of them.

I guess it all depends on what is meant by "that good"

I'm guessing that for a couple running a house and car in London...where 40k is the sole income, 40k really isn't that much!

As one or two others have said I don't think it is the amount which is relevant here, just any attempt at boasting seems odd to me. Most people try to be a bit self-effacing if they think they are better-off than someone else.
£40k is certainly more than dh or I ever earned, but I know lots of people who must earn higher and never mention it. I work for the NHS so we all know each other's salaries here!

TheRhubarb: I wish posters would stop attributing to comments I never made. The OP said is £40k a lot? I said no, not in London and certainly not in the City. Everything else is you projecting.

As for being grateful, to whom should I be grateful? You? Not unless you was the one who paid for me to go to University.