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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take the full time nursery places?

229 replies

CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 10:37

Just had a letter that have said the twins have been offered full time nursery placements in September (they were 3 in dec and currentley go p/t 15hr a week) The Nursery id fab and is massivley over subscribed the DT only just got in despite being december babies.

A little smug mummy-ish but they are bright little lads they know number shapes colours animals and love learning new things - they dont care if its great grandpa telling them about steam engines or their big sister teaching them the names/attacks of pokemon. They are hard work as Everything is why mummy what is /what if... I dont get any family help with childcare.

My friends little girl also goes to nursey with the DT but is a little older and started back in september - she has not been offered a full time place. My friend has said she will be 'having a word' with the office as its not fair as she works and could do with her DD being at nursery 9-2 m-f (free as gov funded) and i should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work.

When we go there today there will be at least 30 kids that didnt get the coverted ft placements and will remain pt- Some of the parents work - I don't (DH does) there will be a big hooha about what selection process etc were used and i expect more than 1 mum/dad to suguest i dont take the 2 ft places for the twins as i am 'at home all day'

AIBU to take the places

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 27/01/2012 13:18

if they have been offered the place i would take it.

perhaps the op finacees are not great and being given these nursery place may able the op to go out to work

BagofHolly · 27/01/2012 13:22

Take them. We have a similar discussion going on here - my eldest has a free place, and I'm a SAHM with baby twins. Yes I could have all three at home with me but I think we would all crack.
Your arrangements are no one else's business and you have twins so you'll need the headspace having cared for them at either end of their (short) day. Good luck!

coraltoes · 27/01/2012 13:24

My god, if I was at home all week I'd feel guilty sending my kids to full time child care....because I'd have expected that to be my job!

awomenscorned · 27/01/2012 13:27

You are very lucky OP, my DD does similar hours twice a week and that cost £39 per session. Hmm Luckily we are in the voucher tax thingy so that helps.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 13:28

I would personally love a job at the nursery (they do come up :) as the staff are very well trained and move on (TA's) the teachers have been their years - any other job would be hard as i dont have any one i could call and ask 'can you pick the kids up/have them for an hour etc..

I have been looking into courses to become a teaching assistant - but they are more than we can afford at the moment.

Me and DH have worked full time since we were 18. Were in 30's now not telling where If the DT's were only 1 DC i would have gone back to work but the childcare was too expensive for 2 the same age. So i stayed home. When they are old enough i will go back to work / or if i can get a term time job i wil go sooner but they are like hens teeth.

OP posts:
Molehillmountain · 27/01/2012 13:34

It is not up to anyone else to judge why you do or don't need the nursery place. The nursery is there for the children's benefit not the parents. They have a policy on allocating places and no doubt followed it. My cm and I parted company after she started making judgements about whose needs were greatest. She would frequently reallocate sessions that she'd committed to me after a working parent needed them. I considered it to be none of her business that the gp had suggested trying a bit of extra childcare after dc3 born to try to prevent a recurrence of my Pnd. You might have any reason or no reason for taking up the place, but the nursery has allocated it which is all that matters.

dairymoo · 27/01/2012 13:35

Why not think about taking, say, 3 days FT (one for each DT, and one together) and PT on the other two days? That way you'd free up some space for another child to go FT for a couple of days and also have some 1:1 time with your DTs. I have DTs that have just started reception and did an alternate nursery day for the summer term before they started school. They loved having some mummy time and I loved have some 1:1 time with them, it was much much easier than having two around at once. Now that they've started school I really miss our special time together. (Although now I have a 14 mo keeping me busy!!)

halcyondays · 27/01/2012 13:37

Don't give up your place, if you do there is no guarantee it would be taken by a working parent anyway. It's none of your friend's business if they have a full time place, it is supposed to be early years education, not childcare. I live in NI and all preschools are required to give toppriority to families on benefits when allocating government funded spaces which means they and the oldest children, who are the second priority tend to get all the full time places. a lot of parents aren't very happy about it, particularly as there has been a shortage of places the last few years and some children didn't get funded places at all, but that's the rules here.

Tiggles · 27/01/2012 13:38

OP as you have been offered the place I guess there is no reason not to take it, presumably the nursery have set criteria they use in determining who gets them.

But am I really reading this right that the government funds 25hrs childcare for bright children at age 3. I thought schools etc these days were meant to be non-selective Confused.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 13:40

I asked nursery if i could split them full time a couple of days each and they said no so they would BOTH have to go full time or stay part time full time is 9-2. Nursery split into 3 groups am, pm and ft.

I think i will accept the places for now. It's not until september and alot can happen in 8 months, I would hate to say no and come september be wishing i had of said yes.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 27/01/2012 13:44

That's a good point -- you could start a course in September, if you found one you liked, or maybe you will have come across a job you'd like to do.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 27/01/2012 13:46

CoffeeDog, how can there be an afternoon session when the nursery finishes at 2pm? That would mean the morning session is twice as long as the afternoon session. Is that right?

What are the part time hours that DT currently do?

IMO, it is entirely up to you whether you send DT full time. If anyone has a problem with it, direct them to the nursery and their selection criteria (as others have previously suggested). Personally, I would not want to send my DC to nursery full time if I was SAHM. What would you be doing with your time? Nosy question, sorry but just interested in your thinking as am currently considering being SAHM and keeping kids in nursery for 1-2 days, not full time as currently are.

MummytoKatie · 27/01/2012 13:47

Talk to the nursery. Do they think it would be good for your boys to go the extra hours? School nursery is about education (as is school) not about free childcare!

Also I can't see how the hours 9- 2 will be very helpful to most working parents anyway - unless they have family willing to pick up. In which case ......

ReallyTired · 27/01/2012 13:47

Maybe you can use the time to something for yourself like up dating IT skills.

altinkum · 27/01/2012 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sheepgomeep · 27/01/2012 13:55

oh god another judgy thread.

eaudelapoisson I have just received funding for an assisted place at my local nursery one day a week 8 till half five for my 20 month old. I have 4 dc and my eldest has been a total nightmare, if you care to read the SN boards you will see how close to breakdown I have been. This place is designed to help me cope and find strategies in dealing with my ds and to be able to get the house in order something that due to his behaviour and needs I can't meet at the moment. I get no family help either and when dd3 is in nursery I can get on and improve our lives.

I used to work 16 hrs + but have now had to reduce my working hours right down to be a carer as I left my abusive dp.

So please do come along accuse me of being a layabout scrounger, oh and none of my dc were born on income support before anyone starts Grin

Why the hell do I let myself get upset by theses threads i dont know

elliejjtiny · 27/01/2012 13:56

The OP has probably got the places because she has twins. Other places will have gone to children who have a sibling with SN, mum with PND, single parent or other difficult family circumstances. It's nothing to do with whether you work or not. Some childrens centres will have some free childcare for vulnerable families. My local one ran a creche so that a group of mums could do an art/craft course. I got a place as ds2 has SN but there was one lady who had triplets, a couple of young mums and a few mums who had PND.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 13:57

Am is 9-12
pm is 12 -3
full time is 9-2

DT's go PM 12-3 (actually 2:45 as i need to get back for dd)

OP posts:
altinkum · 27/01/2012 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sheepgomeep · 27/01/2012 14:08

people are so busy screaming 'scrounger' that the needs of the child or the family get lost in the row.

If I go under then so do my children. They would be in care and I'm pretty sure that the cost of that would be far greater than the one assisted nursery place a week.

Mabelface · 27/01/2012 14:12

As a mother of triplets, I say take the places as more than one three year old in the house is rather stressful.

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 14:25

Madlizzy - I somtimes struggle with 2 you are my hero - with the patience of a saint as well ;)

shudders thinking of yet another 'but why mummy' voice accompaning my two

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 27/01/2012 14:28

Totally agree sheepgomeep . Things like this are a helping hand to try and prevent struggling families going under. Then there is a thread like this or an article in the daily mail and then people start moaning that they aren't getting what vulnerable families are getting.

chunkythighs · 27/01/2012 14:35

I am absolutely stunned to see that the OP is being flamed for not dedicating every solitary moment with her children, making every fucking moment special Hmm. How dare the Op put her children into a crèche when not working!!???!!! So what if any one of you would do it differently! The situation works for the OP and her family!

What business is it of anyone? OP If it your children are happy to go and you and your husband are happy to send them- do it! I haven't worked in coming on 3 years now-I have one son (3) and he is sent to creche 2 1/2 days a week- If it came to it-I'd pay the creche before the mortgage. Happy chilled out mother means that my son is happy.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 27/01/2012 14:35

OP it's nothing to do with anybody else if you take those places or leave them for someone else to take (and there are no guarantees that your friend's child will be offered a full time place even if your children remain part-time.)

You have been offered the places, and if you think accepting them is the right thing to do for your family then you should accept them.