AIBU to take the full time nursery places?

[CoffeeDog]

Just had a letter that have said the twins have been offered full time nursery placements in September (they were 3 in dec and currentley go p/t 15hr a week) The Nursery id fab and is massivley over subscribed the DT only just got in despite being december babies.

A little smug mummy-ish but they are bright little lads they know number shapes colours animals and love learning new things - they dont care if its great grandpa telling them about steam engines or their big sister teaching them the names/attacks of pokemon. They are hard work as Everything is why mummy what is /what if... I dont get any family help with childcare.

My friends little girl also goes to nursey with the DT but is a little older and started back in september - she has not been offered a full time place. My friend has said she will be 'having a word' with the office as its not fair as she works and could do with her DD being at nursery 9-2 m-f (free as gov funded) and i should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work.

When we go there today there will be at least 30 kids that didnt get the coverted ft placements and will remain pt- Some of the parents work - I don't (DH does) there will be a big hooha about what selection process etc were used and i expect more than 1 mum/dad to suguest i dont take the 2 ft places for the twins as i am 'at home all day'

AIBU to take the places

Don't get into the habit of putting your children to the back of the queue to appease the whingers who think they're more deserving. There will always be whingers and they don't care about you or your children so why would you deprive your children for them? Your children will benefit from this, it would be wrong to deny them that just because somebody else complains about their childcare. Their children are their responsibility, you focus on providing the best to your own, that's your job. Feel no guilt about doing it properly

The places have been offered to you-you would like to accept them.Its not 8am till 6pm your dc would still have lots of time with you.My dgs will be 3 in Feb and will do 5 mornings in nursery class from September.YANBU to accept the place-you would be a little U to turn it down I think.

Don't be so ridiculous oychayaniye! What on God's earth makes you think she wouldn't have learned to read at nursery, or that is the particular reason she learned to read? Many, many children stay at home during these years and are read to, but can't read at three. Many who go to nursery access as much reading as those who have been at home with a parent.

OP STILL hasnt answered the question so many have asked!

otchayaniye

congradulation on having a bright child, as a working parent i never read or do anything with my children just dump them on my mil 3 days a week

RunningWilde - "OP STILL hasnt answered the question so many have asked!"

What question? Because if it's "why do you need to/want to send them full time when you don't work?" or worse "what will you be doing when they are there as you don't work?" then she doesn't have to answer at all. Because people have no right to ask her or to receive an answer.

The nursery has decided which children to offer the places to and OP's children have been selected.

The nursery clearly haven't based their decision on what the parents intend to do all day while their children are there. Hopefully they have based the decision on which children will be happiest and gain the most from the extra hours.

The parents of any children not invited to take up these places should take it up with the nursery if they feel this is unfair, but the OP is under no obligation to give up the place just because someone else feels they have a greater claim to it as a working parent. Because those parents are missing the point, it's not about them, it's about the children and the nursery hopefully has given thought to which children would be best suited to extra time and which might not like, enjoy or gain from it.

And she's under no obligation to explain to anyone here why she 'needs' her children in full time nursery when she doesn't work, she doesn't have to tell anyone here what she will do all day while they are out of the house or justify why she 'doesn't want' to spend every waking moment with them as a SAHM either.

Well said^^
Do you actually know how hard it can be being a sahm to multiples? If you don't have them, please don't judge those that do.

Yes Running you sound like a fricking High Court judge!

The school's decision to offer you places is not your responsibility to justify to anyone, I wouldn't give away your places for that reason, only if you prefer to keep your children at home.

However, as a parent who has worked through all 4 of our children's early years with NO FAMILY and a spouse working some of that time abroad and leaving me a de-facto single parent, I would be rather unhappy if I had found out a child of mine was not getting a place full-time, with a non working parent getting a full-time place and I would be asking for a transparent explanation as to how the school allocated the full-time places.

I don't think having twins is a justification for getting full-time places. There are many people with several children under the age of 5 and I don't see that as a justification for priority either. I don't see having lack of family support as a justification for priority. I don't see being able to recognise colours and animals at age 3 as a justification for priority either - as someone who works in a nursery, a majority of 3 year olds are at this level and higher, if anything it's the minority children who cannot recognise colours, animals, shapes who would benefit the most from fee full-time 3 year old nursery places, not the ones who are reaching the early learning goals.

I'm not in the OP's position, but if I were, I'd hope I would be going to nursery myself and questioning why my children had been offered a place above others who could be seen to have a greater need for those places.

I am a working parent. My husband is a working parent. We both work part time and look after after children between us.

We feel it's important that they be with us until 3 years (incidentally my three year old goes twice a week to morning pre-school since she turned three). We think it's better our children are at home with her Oxford-educated parents than in childcare. I know how that sounds, but I don't care.

I don't feel she is anything out of the ordinary, she reads because we taught her. Doesn't mean anything in the great scheme of things, early reading, but I still cannot fathom why parents don't bother. Nursery workers won't.

Well, if your child doesn't attend nursery, how would you know what is done or not done?
Our nursery reads to the children every day and they choose books to bring home to read with us. I know they read every day as reading time coincides with me picking them up hence I always wait for the story to finish before they leave.
We've read to them from a very young age, nursery knows this and tailors their learning around what they do at home.

As I said before, don't judge us mothers of multiples before you have them yourselves. It is NOT the same a singletons.

*as

'I don't think having twins is a justification for getting full-time places. '

Well most councils have it on their priority list for very good reasons. Having several children close together is not the same as having twins, it used to bug me when people said that to me when they had no idea. Up to 40% of twins have language or other delays (boys especially). There is research to show it is more stressful also to parent twins-massively. I have had 3 singletons (one with health issues) and twins and twin toddlers are very hard work! They wouldn't have it on the priority lists of many preschools for no reason!

I went to nursery when I turned three. I could read before I got there. My parents were not Oxford educated and they both worked.

People are different. Children are different. Parents can only do what they think is best for their own children.

Telling other parents what they should or shouldn't do, based on what you do yourself or based on their employment status, or questioning what they will be doing with themselves once they've farmed their children out is really not on.

If the OP wants her children to go to the nursery now they have been offered places and she thinks it will be the best thing for them she is not being unreasonable to send them.

It's not up to her to second guess why her sons have been offered a place when other children haven't, or to base her decision on what best suits another parents childcare arrangements.

natation - multiple births, several children under 5 and a lack of family support do give priority for funded places where I am. A parent who works or studies might get priority for a paying place.

otchayaniye teaching the average three old to read is not that difficult. It takes about 10 minutes a day with the Jolly Phonics manual.

Teaching good social skills is much harder. Hence DD goes to nursery part time.

I think the nursery is right to offer the places. Its harder to organise play dates with twins and develop their social skills as independent beings. I hope that the OP little boys continue to enjoy nursery.

Maybe I should have worded what I wrote a bit bet. The point I'm trying to make is that many many people could justify their need for nursery places because of having twins, because of having no family, because of having shit living conditions, because of having 3 under 5s, because of having a special needs child, boys before girls because they are more likely to have language delays????????????? When you have full-time places limited to a few, how on earth do you prioritise the priorities? you could end up with every single child being classed as a priority. Whose need is greatest? It just shows that universal full-time places for 3 year olds should be the priority!!!

natation - ours is done on points. You would be allocated a set number of points for each "need" and the child with the most points gets a place. Simple.

PS why would you want a child to learn to read at 3? I'm hoping you are not meaning real reading?

I have horror of horrors a 6 year old who is only now learning properly to read. However, since the age of 3, she has been practising fine motor skills needed in order to write competently and from the age of 4 she has been taught phonics. Now she is finally in 1st primary, she has advanced in reading and writing at a phenomenal speed and she is no Einstein, so has the rest of her class. She is however educated in Belgium. The UK starts reading and writing far too early, without laying enough foundations, meaning those not ready get frustrated and it's uphill for them for the rest of their school career. The Belgian system is not perfect, but having experienced both the UK and Belgium system, I can see in terms of formal education which one does a better job at the beginning.

I have decided to accept the places for the boys thankyou for all the comments my reasons really come down to the simple fact that the boys love nursery and it will be beneficial to their development. If they played well together and were happy in each others company I.might have kept them part time I don't have the option of half part half full time. They won't start full time untill september so anything could happen before then.

I am looking into becoming a homestart volunteer as I found their services very helpful when the boys were born.

I have also found out today that 3 x twins will be starting full time in September ( the other two sets are in our twin club but haven't started nursery yet as their birthdays were to oate to be accepted this year so they will start full time) so the boys will be in good company ;-)

After having read yet another debate on MN, I am glad I am now in a country where free nursery school places are offered to all children (and for a longer day than 9/2).
Priority here is given to children with both working parents, children who have siblings, and according to the family income and catchment areas. But here there is a larger number of places offered than in the Uk and most children get a place, also those who have a parent at home.
Therefore it is pretty much the norm that children at 3 go to nursery school pretty regularly. This means that no one gets on a high horse and question what a mother does in her free time

well done OP!

Some kids just learn to read on their own without much parent input.
Its not a bad thing, just kids developing different skills at different rates.
I had no desire for my ds to be reading early, he just was.

Well done OP - I think you've made the right decision. I was thinking about this earlier. My DD is about the same age as you're DTs and goes to a private nursery for 5 half days (this is the minimum she could do to qualify for the 15 funded hours as could only claim max 3 per session). Their morning sessions are 8am - 1.30pm so actually slightly longer than your full time sessions. I don't think this is an unreasonable amount of nursery to use :)

I think the unpleasant people on this thread are just jealous that you've had a stroke of luck - just ignore them. Did any of the other parents mention this to you on Friday?