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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take the full time nursery places?

229 replies

CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 10:37

Just had a letter that have said the twins have been offered full time nursery placements in September (they were 3 in dec and currentley go p/t 15hr a week) The Nursery id fab and is massivley over subscribed the DT only just got in despite being december babies.

A little smug mummy-ish but they are bright little lads they know number shapes colours animals and love learning new things - they dont care if its great grandpa telling them about steam engines or their big sister teaching them the names/attacks of pokemon. They are hard work as Everything is why mummy what is /what if... I dont get any family help with childcare.

My friends little girl also goes to nursey with the DT but is a little older and started back in september - she has not been offered a full time place. My friend has said she will be 'having a word' with the office as its not fair as she works and could do with her DD being at nursery 9-2 m-f (free as gov funded) and i should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work.

When we go there today there will be at least 30 kids that didnt get the coverted ft placements and will remain pt- Some of the parents work - I don't (DH does) there will be a big hooha about what selection process etc were used and i expect more than 1 mum/dad to suguest i dont take the 2 ft places for the twins as i am 'at home all day'

AIBU to take the places

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/01/2012 11:07

I used the wrong smiley in my last post!

I should have been a 'Grin' sorry

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:08

I've never heard of government funded nursery before (or government funded full time places) is this real? And if so don't get too comfy with the idea as I doubt such things will exist when the benefit reforms commence

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:11

Your husband may work and pay tax but you do not NEED to put the twins in nursery for those hours as you don't work and others who do work DO need full time hours- is that so hard to grasp? And doing it at the expense of the government just because you CAN makes me Angry

ReallyTired · 27/01/2012 11:12

I don't see how affording childcare for working mums is the OP problem. It must be a really tough existance having twin boy toddlers. I think that full time nursery will do them the world of good. Its not as if you are being offered 50 hours of day care per child.

The childcare is provided to help families in challenging circumstances. The nursery must use some kind of criteria and have their reasons.

coccyx · 27/01/2012 11:13

Go for it. Not sure I understand what overnment funded nursery is though. I know about the free hours once they turn 3 etc.
Would be interested to know who/how places are allocated

Kayzr · 27/01/2012 11:13

Eau, DS1 went to nursery attached to the infant school which was fully funded by the government. But it was 15 hours a week same as DS2 does now at Playgroup which is also government funded.

OP I say go for it. They've been offered the places. If you don't take them the places won't be given to your friend instead.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:15

But it's no different then to saying 'I don't NEED to be sat on my ass on benefits but the government is happy to let me so why not?'

givemeaclue · 27/01/2012 11:17

well if you are struggling with them perhaps its better that they go to nursery for more hours

kitsmummy · 27/01/2012 11:19

Whilst working parents childcare may not be your problem, I would think it's a bit tight of you to take up these places whislt there are others out there that genuinely need them.

And (prepares for a flaming) I actually feel a bit judgy of someone putting both their kids into childcare 5 hours a day, 5 days a week when there is no actual need for it, surely the 3 hours every day is enough?

coccyx · 27/01/2012 11:19

why shouldn't she take the places. she and dh have paid taxes. why is it always about those 'struggling, single parents, those on benefits etc that seem to get priority.
No one would say someone on benefits , sitting on their asses all day should not use the places.
Enjoy your child free time.
Will be great for you and the twins.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:19

I find it shocking how on one thread a doctor brings home bugger all due to the cost of child care despite all the tax she will be paying yet here we have a non worker being given free full time places. Something needs to change here really

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 11:20

So i should give up the place's offered if the nursery will say they give them to parents who both work?

There are single mums who do & dont work / mums and dads ( and i think a civil partneship couple who both work and dont and even a single dad on his own who dosn't work i am not sure i would be allowed to say who would get the places?

Its called grant maintained rarther than funded - the nursery do try to raise money themselves as well to help with running costs - I helped alot with fundraising when DD was there and intend to do so again.

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:22

I don't think single parents should get priority either coccyx but people who work should not have to skint themselves out or give up work due to not getting the hours they need so those who are at home full time through choice get priority

Kayzr · 27/01/2012 11:22

I'm a non worker so should I have said no when DS1s school said they wanted him to do full time instead of part time(he's in reception)

Should I also take DS2 out of play school so his place can go to someone who works?

Original poster
CoffeeDog · 27/01/2012 11:23

I will be having a think about this over the weekend beofre i tick the boxes and return the letters.

I may be a little late today to avoid the awkward questions of did you get a letter..... (i pick them up early to get back in time for DD school)

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:24

School is compulsory- a totally different kettle of fish

gomez · 27/01/2012 11:24

What blardy good is 9 to 2 nursery care for working mums anyway? Take the places, your boys will have fun and you can use the time to work on moving back ino work when they start school.

edwardcullensotherwoman · 27/01/2012 11:24

YANBU, if you think they'll benefit from it and you've been offered the places I don't see why you shouldn't take it. I assume you're talking about a nursery school, as opposed to daycare nursery/creche? I think that's where the people on about you "taking" childcare away from those who need it are getting confused.
My DS is in a government funded nursery school - he started when he was 3 and will transfer to reception at the local school just before he turns 5. It's full time, I put him in there because i felt it would help his transition to school (which you pointed out that it did for your DD too).
If the other parents have a problem with it, they should discuss with the nursery why they didn't get a place.

tomverlaine · 27/01/2012 11:26

what are the criteria for allocating the places? I am surprised that having both/all parents working wouldn't be a criteria?

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/01/2012 11:26

If someone wants to pay for their kids to go full time when they aren't working that's their choice- I find it odd but still. If the government is funding it and those who DO work miss out on a place that enables them to work then that's very wrong IMO

Ciske · 27/01/2012 11:28

Now we're on the dodgy territory, this is paid for via fundraising. What do the donors get told? Do they know it's a FFA nursery and they are effectively funding someone else's childcare so they can take it easier at home? Do they believe it helps people stay in jobs, support children with extra needs?

I think the parents are right to ask the nursery to justify its selection criteria.

It's still not your problem, but it does seem odd that free childcare, in excess of the government's 15 hours, is handed out so freely?

WorraLiberty · 27/01/2012 11:30

But it's no different then to saying 'I don't NEED to be sat on my ass on benefits but the government is happy to let me so why not?'

It is different because the government are not happy to let you do that.

If you went to sign on and told them you've sat on your arse an not bothered looking for work, you wouldn't get paid.

Right or wrong, the government are providing these nursery places and since the criteria doesn't bar children of non working parents, the OP is perfectly within her rights to accept them.

Personally, there's no way in the world I wouldn't want them home with me considering they'll have 12 years of schooling ahead of them...but everyone's different aren't they?

Kayzr · 27/01/2012 11:30

But Eau most schools do it on age and ability of the child. My friend works full time and her DD has only just started full time despite her birthday being in September and my DS1s in march. The school and my friend both knew that she wasn't ready to be at school all day so continued to go home at lunchtime with her childminder.

If the OP refuses the places it doesn't mean that they will go to a child with working parents if they nursery doesn't think they will cope with a longer day t nursery.

dreamingbohemian · 27/01/2012 11:31

I would have a hard time deciding if this was me.

On the one hand, the nursery gave you these spaces for whatever reason (I hope not just because you help with fundraising!) and it's not really your problem if other families could really use them.

I personally would feel quite guilty though. It's not like you have no nursery hours now -- you have 15. So this is just ten more hours. That could make a huge difference to working parents in terms of money and time, more than it would make to you as a SAHM probably. (I've been both a SAHM and a working mum btw.)

I don't know that I would give up the spaces, but if you think there will be a big drama about this, you could let the nursery know that you'd be willing to give up the spaces if it will avoid a huge conflict.

sharenicely · 27/01/2012 11:36

You are avoiding answering everyone who is asking you why do you need to send 3 year olds to nursery for a full day when you are at home all day?
I don't understand you not wanting to make the most of the last little bit of time you have before they go to school?
15 hours is enough for them to 'learn' things , at that age they might just want to have a day at home with mum?