AIBU to take the full time nursery places?

[CoffeeDog]

Just had a letter that have said the twins have been offered full time nursery placements in September (they were 3 in dec and currentley go p/t 15hr a week) The Nursery id fab and is massivley over subscribed the DT only just got in despite being december babies.

A little smug mummy-ish but they are bright little lads they know number shapes colours animals and love learning new things - they dont care if its great grandpa telling them about steam engines or their big sister teaching them the names/attacks of pokemon. They are hard work as Everything is why mummy what is /what if... I dont get any family help with childcare.

My friends little girl also goes to nursey with the DT but is a little older and started back in september - she has not been offered a full time place. My friend has said she will be 'having a word' with the office as its not fair as she works and could do with her DD being at nursery 9-2 m-f (free as gov funded) and i should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work.

When we go there today there will be at least 30 kids that didnt get the coverted ft placements and will remain pt- Some of the parents work - I don't (DH does) there will be a big hooha about what selection process etc were used and i expect more than 1 mum/dad to suguest i dont take the 2 ft places for the twins as i am 'at home all day'

AIBU to take the places

Reasons why you should have received those places:

1. "I dont get any family help with childcare." That's one of many reasons why nurseries are there for, to help those who don't have other family members to help out. You have 2 small children of the same age, you need help and support, and a nursery can assist you in that way.
2. "I should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work." As far as the nursery is concerned, you may be an unemployed person who is seeking a paid employment job and also needs to work. Perhaps the nursery staff are polite enough not to ask such intrusive questions.

The nursery will have their reasons. Other people's childcare problems are none of your concerns. YANBU. Take the 2 full time places.

If you gave them up there is no guarantee they would go to your friend. Imagine that scenario!

Kayzr I think you have it exactly right - the criteria is probably on ability. When I applied to my DS's school for a place it did not require me to specify whether or not DH and I work (DH does, I don't as DS has a condition that requires constant supervision so I've been caring for him, and now have to be close at hand for emergencies at school). It did however, ask about DS's abilities in the form of a workbook - basic stuff like numbers, shapes, drawing; then questions about his independence etc. His place was allocated to him (presumably) based on that.
People saying they need full time hours at the nursery for childcare is just like people saying they only send their child to school because it's cheaper than a childminder. If a child is not ready for full time hours, they're not ready. The OP giving up her sons' deserved places won't change that.

Maybe she thinks her reasons are no-one else's business?

If they just allocate the places first come first serve then who's to say the next on the list will be a working parent anyway?

OP the choice is yours, you cannot change the allocation policy by yourself, and I can see why you think the DT and you might benefit from the break.
In my opinion 3 is too young for a full time school nursery, I have worked in this type of setting and would not choose it, although there is nothing wrong with it as such.
Do you have to have full days or half days? Couldn't you do a couple of full days giving yourself a longer break but still freeing up a couple of days for someone else?

I kind of agree with Poisson. I can't understand wanting to put 3 yr olds in nursery all day when I was at home doing nowt, even if it were free. And whilst it is no-one else's business I can understand the others being .

Why not go back to work now OP? I mean, you say you will do when they start school but you are putting them into full time education now so why not start back now?

I was a bit surprised you wanted them to go full time, but it isn't really full time is it? I realise it's the full hours the nursery is open but full time nursery is more like 8-6.

If you have an older child and twins and the boys are ready for nursery then it might be a good thing. I am sure twins is harder than singletons.

I think the other parents are right to ask about the criteria but that shouldn't affect you. Dd went to a preschool which ran similar hours, there was a long waiting list, it was sort of first come first served, but then older children and people who had siblings there got priority for choosing session days and more sessions. It was to do with ratios and having enough staff for the session to run well, it is easier to have 3 four year olds than 3 two year olds.

As I was not a SAHM when ds reached the top of the waitinglist, I turned down the place at preschool and he goes to a day care nursery, which is more geared towards working parents

stay out of any conversation re the places. You;ll end up embroiled.

YABU really. Just because you are offered something that other people need more (e.g. single parents or people who are working part-time during the nursery hours, both of whom get NO time off in the week at all whereas you are even if you stay PT at the nursery), doesn't mean you should take it if you are aware that others have greater need. It's like if you are a millionnaire, you shouldn't claim benefits because other people need them more, for example. I think you should get some part time childcare because obviously twins are hard work, but you already have support from a husband and you have part time childcare, so taking more than that is grabby, even if you have been offered through no fault of your own. I don't think that morality is just 'following the rules', it is more than that and about making choices within the rules too.

It is completely up to you what you do so don't let other people put you off sending them if you want to. However, remember they will be at school next year so personally I would be making the most of my children before this happens!

But how come it is free, I thought only the first 15 hours were free after 3 years old??? Are you sure they don't charge top up fees. If it is totally free I do think this seems unfair on everyone else in the country who only get 15 hours as far as I know.

I think I would send Twin 1, Mon, Tues, Wed. Then Twin 2, Wed, Thurs, Fri.

That way you would get some one on one time with each kid and a whole day to yourself.

Sounds good. Honestly, I would take it, as someone upthread says though I wouldn't expect it to continue as I expect this sort of thing will be getting the chop soon.

I'm still failing to see how other people's lack of childcare while they're working or even their marital status should affect the OP's choice?

You can't raise your kids playing second fiddle to everyone else's private circumstances.

My child gets free violin lessons and there are limited places, but I don't remember scouring the school playground and asking single parents/parents on benefits, if their kids were more deserving before I accepted.

I don't think it's up to anyone else if you should give the places up. I have a friend who has twin 3 yo girls same age as DD and DS same age as my 5 year old and I know how much she struggles. She works 3 days a week and has them in 3 hrs each day the other two days.

I am a SAHM with no family nearby either and my DD goes a full day Monday and 3hrs the other days. I did ask for a full day Thursday but got asked by nursery if I "needed" a Thursday and swapped. Now wish I hadn't as the other Mums aren't so altruistic. Monday doesn't work out so well, but I too need a full day to try and get stuff done and I also think it's good to get her used to having lunch and a full day at school.
BUT like others have said you won't get that time back with your children. Next year they will have to go to school full time. I miss my DS so much now he's in school (I wouldn't want him at home full-time either though!). Maybe you could have the children in all day a Tuesday and a Thursday or Wed and Thurs to break up the week?

Would it work to have one full time place & one part time & have some "alone" time with each child?

Oh, sorry, already suggested!

I would do it too. I work part time nights and two mornings and if my DD2 (3) was offered those hours I would take it even though i would be at home for the majority of it.
I find her a handful at times, never time to do proper housework, sorting things and food shopping has to get done either when I have a rare day off and she is at the scheduled child minder or 10pm on a Friday night after work. And that is with one little one do I can't imagine how you do things with two! My DD1 has flourished since being in nursery in afternoons part time and can't see the harm.
If other people have a problem it is exactly that - their problem!

Your boys were offered these places, if you want them then take them up.

The way the places have been allocated is the concern of the nursery. If any parent doesn't like it, they can take it up with the nursery.

I personally would not hesitate to take the places up.

YANBU as you don't make the rules. However unless children are moved up based on some sort of testing (3+?) then why would you mention that you think they are bright?

i would be pissed off too if I worked children who have a parent at home got a place over my child. The other parent should not have asked to not send DTs full time.

OP, as a mother to twin boys, YANBU. Take the places. People who have one child at a time really do not understand how hard having twins is. And I found 3 a very hard age to deal with, physically and emotionally.

If they do turn out to be bright, watch out, as they'll be correcting your spelling and grammar before they are out of primary school.

I'm totally confused as I thought nurseries could only claim 15 hours a week funding per eligible child so how they can be offering you 25 hours a week and not asking for any additional payment is a mystery. Hopefully someone will enlighten me.

One would assume that you have applied for the increase to a "full-time" place so you originally intended to take it up, why dither now ? Perhaps you could look for a part-time job to justify the need for it. A change is a good as a rest, I find that being at work is a rest from childcare responsibilities.

Can't help feeling however that this is an attempt at a stealth boast/gloat post.

YANBU. Twins get priority in some criteria for preschool whether the parents work or not. I am not sure whether it is due to the stresses of having twins (I have twins too!) or the much higher rate of speech or delays in twin children or because twins could end up at two different places. In any case, it wasn't up to you. A simelar thing happened years ago with me and a friend's child. We didn't fall out and are still friends.

As for those saying someone who works should get the place, why? i thought 3 year olds go to preschool for education and not childcare only? I am a SAHM and all my DC went to preschool from 3 to school age.

I don't like the smugness though! It is not all down to parenting if a child has slow speech etc.!

Why should Op look for a part time job to justify the need for it? To who?

Wow where do you live?
I know of nowhere that gives free places 9-2pm
I thought government funded places were only 15 hours a week
Beware in case they are going to charge you

This is the only nursery that would take them its 4 1/2 miles from home. the 'local' nurseries there are 3 within walking distance that feed into dd school were all over subscribed when i went to register the boys at 6 mths when we moved here. I was told they accept children first who has / had a sibling there before.

We were eventually offered a pt place for the boys for 10hr hrs each a week at one of the local ones after HV said they need nursery, but they ask for a fee of 15 a week per child to cover ' extra expenses' such as fruit / art / play stuff and we couldn't afford that - neighbours child went there and said they did ask loudley in front of the other parents if this wasnt brought in on a monday...

The nursery they go to now originally said they didnt have a place and said they would start in september, but thankfully 2 children dropped out (entrance was done by birth order) and my 2 scrapped in this year. I didnt 'ask' for the full time place - which woulnd't be untill this september (when they were going to start) i recieved a letter in the boys bookbags yesterday offering them a place each.

They nursery have been grant maintained for quite a few years - they ask parents for fruit/kitchen rolls etc... and have a 'donation box' by the door but there isn't any fee's - I do reaslise how lucky and rare this is.

So the taxpaying public are enabling your kids to go to full time nursery while those who work and pay tax don't get the hours they need?

Since the op's husband works and he pays taxes and I would imagine the op worked before becoming a sahm your point is irrelevant.