AIBU to take the full time nursery places?

[CoffeeDog]

Just had a letter that have said the twins have been offered full time nursery placements in September (they were 3 in dec and currentley go p/t 15hr a week) The Nursery id fab and is massivley over subscribed the DT only just got in despite being december babies.

A little smug mummy-ish but they are bright little lads they know number shapes colours animals and love learning new things - they dont care if its great grandpa telling them about steam engines or their big sister teaching them the names/attacks of pokemon. They are hard work as Everything is why mummy what is /what if... I dont get any family help with childcare.

My friends little girl also goes to nursey with the DT but is a little older and started back in september - she has not been offered a full time place. My friend has said she will be 'having a word' with the office as its not fair as she works and could do with her DD being at nursery 9-2 m-f (free as gov funded) and i should think about leaving the twins pt to make room for those who have to work.

When we go there today there will be at least 30 kids that didnt get the coverted ft placements and will remain pt- Some of the parents work - I don't (DH does) there will be a big hooha about what selection process etc were used and i expect more than 1 mum/dad to suguest i dont take the 2 ft places for the twins as i am 'at home all day'

AIBU to take the places

happymummyofone this isnt childcare its nursery/preschool , and why shouldnt children have fulltime places of its offered and needed , personal circumstances always come into play when nursery places are offered , Its nothing to do if she works or not , This is about the children not the parents and if they work or not ,

Perhaps they offered the place to the op because she has twins and possibly another child as well? Perhaps the OP's friend only has one child. I'd rather see priority based on the needs of the family, e.g large families, multiples, children with special needs in the family, parents with PND or other illness or disability. I think that is better than a blanket policy which says that either working parents or families on benefits should have priority.

happymumofone do you include my circumstances in that?

Take the places and give yourself a break. It's not all day anyway. I am a working mum and don't expect funding. I get a break at work - you don't.

I actually doubt the Nursery knows whether or not the parents of the children they offer places to, work or stay at home as it's none of their business is it?

Anyway, no-one (not even the OP) can know what she'll be doing in 8 months time.

Are those suggesting the kids shouldn't have been given a place because their Mum doesn't work, also suggesting that if someone loses a job their kids get kicked out of Nursery?

Early years education is about the child, not the parents.

there is also funded places in scotland , along side the 15hrs , under3s can get these funded places too ,

I got my place through the TAC team, which in turn applied for funding from some childrens funding somewhere else in LA. I have to pay a small amount towards it but I use my small wages to pay for the shortfall.

Its not offered lightly here, and there is not many places. So all of you that have visions of evil sahm/benefit scroungers laughing in the face of tax payers whilst we sup coffee and get our nails done can chill out!

This thread is fucking fantastic. Such judginess. Such resentment, bitterness, jealousy and nastiness.

Why isn't the op working?
Why doesn't she want to spend time with her boys?
How dare she take full time places!
What will she be doing with her time? FFS, I can't believe that someone actually had the cheek and ignorance to ask that. Since when do people have to justify their existence on here?

OP if you want the places then take them. You were allocated them fairly. Other people's set up is not your problem. No way would anyone else give up their places for you.

YANBU.
And what's all the resentment?
FIY, all nursery places for children of 3 are free in many countries in continental Europe.

I would take the places.

Pre school nursry is not about providing childcare for working parents.

My eldest was offered a much coveted full time place when he went to school nursery, not because I was a working mum but because I have a chronic health condition that, at the time, put me in hospital on a regular basis.

At the same time my friend's DS was offered full time because she lived in a flat with no secure garden for her DS to play in.

When I spoke to staff about "why my child and not someone elses" I was told they offered the full time places to those "children" they thought would benefit from them the most.

As others have said, it's presumable a nursery school (as opposed to a childcare nursery) as it is grant maintained. Therefore it's primary goal will be education of children, not childcare. Whether the parents work or not is therefore completely irrelevant. You're children have as much right to that as anyone else's.

Excellent summary neolara.

Okay, for me personally, I would have benefitted from a FT nursery place much more when I was working than when I was a SAHM. That does not mean I would resent someone else who got a place ahead of me, but it's why I would feel a little guilty if I were offered a place ahead of others who needed it more.

I also think it's a little disingenuous to insist that nursery or preschool is only for the good of the DC and not the parents or the whole family. Really, every child in nursery or preschool is there purely for the educational benefits? Not because the parents need to work? Preschool is not mandatory, in many other places chlidren start school much later and turn out fine.

Anyway, this whole argument is missing the bigger point, which is that it's ridiculous in the first place that we all have to compete with one another for nursery spots. Surely there should be places for all who want them??? (I know, dream on...)

CoffeeDog - if you think the twins would benefit from it (as the nursery obviously does) then take the full time places. The nursery clearly does what it should do and offers it to the children who are ready for it/need it/will benefit from it. If they take other things into consideration as well, such as a mother with PND, other siblings with SN, being twins/triplets, whatever - that is up to the nursery and is a good thing.

Working parents choose their lifestyle as you choose yours. Financially you were better off not working, so you don't. Other families are better off with both parents working - so they do, or they both work as neither one wants to be at home - whatever they have chosen, it is their decision and you are not responsible for that, if they choose to both work then they need to choose to fund childcare - if they get some free, good luck to them, but they need to be prepared to pay for it. All this rubbish about working parents being more deserving is just that - rubbish.

sheepgomeep - honestly, pay no attention to who have absolutely no idea what they are yapping on about, don't get upset about it x

Dreaming - your name suits you :)

I think the thing is, no one will know why people have been offered the places, so you have to assume the nursery knows best who will benefit/who needs the places and that is not based purely on who does or doesn't work. Someone like sheepgomeep needs the place more than someone who chooses to work to save their sanity (no issue with that btw). Yes there are some people who work and struggle to make ends meet that would benefit too - of course there are, but working in itself does not make someone more entitled to free childcare above and beyond any other consideration. Some (and only some) working mothers seem to think they are more worthy than SAHM's and have a sense of entitlement that just makes me want to slap them...

SAHMs don't get paid for their full-time work of looking after children, whereas those with jobs do get paid so are in a better position to use paid-for childcare.

Many SAHMs would not be able to afford a paid-for nursery place. In effect that would mean the children of SAHMs would not benefit from any Early Years education.

Yes there are some people who go out to work and don't have much money left over, but financially worse off are those who can't even afford to go out to work because their income wouldn't cover the childcare costs. Should the children of these people be denied a nursery education? I think not.

Also saying "what will you do if the child is at nursery"? forgets that the SAHM might be looking after younger siblings, while the older child is at nursery.

Thanks

Oh I totally agree that not every working mum would benefit more than every SAHM. Definitely. That's why I would not resent someone else if they got a place, I have no way of knowing their circumstances.

Finally, many of those with an income will be able to afford someone to help with housework, whereas the SAHM will need to get housework/chores done while the DC is at nursery. This will then allow the SAHM to spend more quality time with the child at the end of the day, just like a working parent who had the cleaners in, instead of trying to do loads of chores every minute of the day.

But they wouldn't be denied a nursery education- all 3 year olds get 15 hours a week free.
And no I dont know what its like having twins so I apologise for underestimating how hard it is and if I seemed patronising and judgey.

Coming to this late, but Pmsl at the comment about wohp having cleaners in during the day. Reality is most wohp are still cleaning at 10pm.

Op - yanbu to take the places. However I do believe that the nursery should offer an equal number of hours for each child.

I live in Wales, where most dcs start school at 3. Rather than school being perceived as childcare, in reality it tends to be the dcs of wohp who don't benefit as the school hours are very short and very difficult for most wohps to manage.

I still don't understand why you want to send them full time when you're at home.

It's not that bizarre to send children of 3 yrs old to full time nursery school, even if you are at home.
It's the done thing here where I live (not in the UK).

Maybe OP doesn't work but wants the time to do something else?

My DTs are at nursery three mornings a week - that enables me to go to college.

If her DTs have been offered the places I don't see why she has to justify her accepting them - it's not her fault that there's such a shortage of affordable nursery places. She said there's 30 others who have missed out on places.