To be LIVID at "d" H? (long and ranty)

[Schizophonic]

I am so, so angry. When we first got together he seemed to think it was the "woman's job" to cook, clean and basically "look after" the house and everyone in it. I enlightened him pretty quickly that a) if I cooked, he would be washing up. B) if I was to wash up, he'd be cooking. C) the washing machine is not just set to accept commands from me, he can use it too and d) I work more hours than he does and bring home more money - therefore he can't even use the "but I provide" bullshit excuse - and neither would I. 50/50 housework.

So I thought we were doing really well with that, he hasn't needed reminding since really and has pitched in with 50/50 housework.

Over Christmas however we were invited to his parents for dinner. As soon as we got there he and FIL settled themselves in the living room in front of the TV and I was called into the kitchen to help MIL so "the men can relax"!!! wtaf??? I assumed after spending so long cooking, it was a given that "the men" would be washing up. Imagine my horror then when after the meal, MIL took the men's plates away for them and beckoned me back into the kitchen to help her wash up! Not wanting to cause a scene I gave DH the 'look' which he chose to ignore and went to join FIL back in front of the TV where they compared bloated stomach sizes. Half way through clearing the kitchen I said to MIL "wow, thought the blokes would have offered to wash up for you" and she screetched "HA! you must be joking!!" before saying to me "oh just pop into the living room and ask them if they want a drink or any biscuits bringing in love". Sweet Jesus. So I went in and said to them "MIL wants to let you know the biscuits are in the kitchen and the kettle is working should you need to use it". Didn't go down too well with FIL as you can imagine who went in a grump for the rest of the night.

When we got home I asked DH who the fuck he thought he was sprawled out expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Bare in mind I'd done a 13 hour shift the day before and he'd been off work for 3 days. His excuse was "I can't help it if that's how mum and dad do things"

I let it go but let him know I was really disapointed in his treatment of me and his mother.

THIS WEEKEND we had PIL around for dinner. Before they arrived I said to DH "what will you be doing then, cooking or cleaning?" and he mumbled "cleaning".

So PIL arrived. I busy myself in the kitchen, MIL comes in and asks what needs doing. I tell her to take it easy, get sat down - go and chill, go and read my new mag etc etc - alien concept to her, she wanted to help. So we cooked dinner together.

After dinner MIL starts gathering up DH's and FIL's plates. I said "oh actually, DH is washing up tonight as we cooked dinner". MIL replied "oh no that's ok, son - you've been at work all week, me and Schiz will do it". Waiting for DH to tell MIL that I'd actually done 45hours this week myself as opposed to his 36 - he said fuck all and crept off into the living room with FIL.

I could not hide my anger. MIL could tell I was angry, couldn't understand why. They left early, mil upset thinking she'd upset me.

I just cannot let it go. I am SO SO SO angry with him. I'm so angry, it's actually made me wonder if we should stay together.

I agree that there needs to be balance.

I just can´t see why you would ever leave clothes on the loo-or want to.

Must be pretty annoying to have to move clothes off the loo when you want to use it.

I´d be happy to dump them on the floor though.

My dh comes from the same kind of family as your in-laws. You have my utmost sympathy.

Yep, they'd go on the floor here!

Some of you are not believing this load of crap are you?

Hells bells, I didn't think MNer's were that naive!!

I'm with the OP also.

I'll never forget my FIL coming to stay for Christmas the first time. In the morning I asked him what he'd like for breakfast, was willing/fancied cooking a fry up for everyone.

FIL-I'll have egg on toast
Me-Ok, no problem
FIL- Oh, and my bed needs making
Me-.....................................I'm sorry?!
FIL- I said my.bed.needs.making.
Me- And?
FIL- (blank look) Well, you'll need to make it.
Me- (chuckle) Yes, well that's NOT going to happen you can make it your fucking self. Now, sunny side up?

Love it Shakey!

This is def one of the funniest posts I have read in ages.

Is he still alive? SHow him this thread let him see this thread I would love to hear his side of the story.

I am absolutely totally pissing myself laughing - squirting piss lavishly! - at all the saps here declaring their love for the OP. Seriously? You're believing this? You do know this does not show you in a good light intelligence wise right?
Please please - have a word with yourselves!

I was all believing until the teabags in the laptop lid...

oh I missed the teabag in the laptop! Where was that? Can I be arsed to reread....

At 15.21 Kew

got it - very funny though perhaps a tad inadvisable to risk frying a laptop keyboard with tea

There is a setting which highlights all the OP's posts in green, which is very useful for skim reading. Or hit CTRL+F and put in teabag

SiamoNella, is it possible that some of us showing approbation had assumed it was piss-take in the first place?

Why would you do that then? Why would you declare love and respect and bestow esteem upon someone who is quite clearly pulling your plonkers? Please explain this to me that I might better understand.

This is a long thread so I have only read OPs posts, but OP, you have some serious issues. Issues that have nothing to do with your dh and his washing up/socks habits.

Either get some therapy, or get yourself an actual problem.

Anything else is just time wasting.

It's funny, Siamo.

I am finding it amusing that many are saying the OP has mental health problems or anger management problems, yet on other threads in the past other posters whose husbands are walking all over them have been advised to do the same sorts of things that the OP is doing!

bonkers!

Unbelievable - quite literally.

You need a dishwasher, and a DH with a backbone. Send him to sea if he doens't know how to make things shipshape and Bristol fashion.

I heart you OP.

Squeakytoy I think there is more damage done to children by witnessing women pandering to the big men in their lives than someone fighting for equal rights.

My DH does all his own laundry, and hoovers, tidies and loads the dishwasher. I do most of the cleaning, and Dcs and my laundry. No-one irons!

Hex - in my many years on MN I have never seen anyone advise:

• cutting up clothes that have been left on the floor
• bleaching clothes left on the toilet seat
• falsely claiming domestic violence
• putting used teac bags on/in a laptop

... if you want to link I'd be happy to be proven otherwise!

Squeakytoy I think there is more damage done to children by witnessing women pandering to the big men in their lives than someone fighting for equal rights.

I am not sure. I grew up in an era where life was more "traditional", and I am sure for some couples it caused friction, but many found a happy medium, where both parties had "their" jobs, everyone got through the days without chopping their other halfs clothes up or washing them in bleach, and life in general was not one domestic battle after another, or a wasps nest of seething resentment.

If I wanted to turn my own home life into a feminist issue, I am sure there are areas where I could.. but to be quite honest, I see no reason to. We both have our own areas of expertise, we both put in an equal effort towards our home, and in the evening we can sit here together, and take turns to get the next drink out of the fridge..

well....

i kind of thought yanbu up until the bleach in the bath of clothes thing.
then i read on with abject horror, wondering why you would choose to live with anyone else if you like the kind of sterile, tidy environment that you clearly do.

assuming this is real of course.

you are rather scary op and i think you need help. The original incident would have made me very angry, but perhaps your DH has a side to this story....it all sounds a little, erm, extreme.

Well this thread certainly entertained me seen as I can't sleep!

OP, you'd hate to be in my relationship - I leave clothes on the bathroom floor, DH is the only one who uses the washing machine (I don't actually even know how it works), DH never cooks, and he always leaves his work tools in the hall - it's a wonder we've survived this long without squirting each other with bleach or attacking with the scissors!

You've made me laugh, but only because I'm not in that situation! I'd be seriously scared if DH bleached all my clothes in the bath; and really upset! It's just life isn't it; you muddle along and work together - I always do the cooking, DH always does the washing; he moans at my clothes, I move them and then moan at his tools when I stub my toe, till he moves them- I thought that's what normal people did in a relationship!

I dread to think if something serious happened in your relationship; how would you cope then! He's no doubtly been annoying but your reaction is really, really out of order! It's his home too, not a concentration camp! I'm sure you do stuff to annoy him; like leave your hair in the drain of the shower or something - he doesn't collect and put in under your pillow! Chill out! And not 'because he is a man, poor thing', because I think you'll give yourself an aneurism if you're not careful - and at the end of the day, it's a few dirty socks and washing up - not life and death! If there is a next time, just tell him he's cooking and cleaning for you the next night!

This message was longer than I expected!

If this is for real , then OP you are a massive bully.

I find nothing about your behaviour rational.

I'll bet he behaves like he does when his Mum is about because he feels safe.

Proud are you? proud that you have totally worn down a man you claim to love?

At first I could understand a bit why you were cross, now though you have made me sad. I'm sad that one of my sons could end up with a nutter like you!