to not want to lie about the fact that DP shagged a prostitute?

[ThisIsNotMyLife]

I've thrown him out. He still denies it though.

People are asking me why I threw him out. Obviously DP would like me to keep to stum. Should I keep it to myself for the sake of a quiet life? I haven't told anyone yet.

To clarify, What he did is disgusting. He deserves to have the world look down on him.
But you have been through enough and if you wish to have a relationship with him in the future you don't need the rest of the world knowing something that you have decided to put behind you.

Don't hold his secret, keep your own. if that makes sense

Monies,can he access joint account
If so block it
Make list and schedule of him getting all belongings out for good
Cancel joint subscriptions etc

Goodness OP - not getting many breaks are you?

Just wanted to say you don't have to say the same thing to everyone.

You can be sophisticated, wise, and flexible in what you choose to say to different people. HTH

I think I'm probably going to tell anybody who asks, but not volunteer the information. It'll get round quick enough. The crazy thing is, we have had sex exactly three times in the last six months. All at my instigation - I've been living with a man who didn't even fancy me.

Yes he deserves to be villified for what he has done, but not if it is at the expense of the OPs reputation being dragged through the mud too.

I have seen it happen first hand. My cousin in hindsight says she wishes she hadnt told people what her ex did, because she lives in a fairly small community where everyone knows everyone. As time went on, she was ready to date again. She was shunned because "you never know what she might have got.. her husband was seeing prostitutes you know"....

I am not saying this because I think the tosser should get away with it, I am saying it to try and HELP the OP here... I am thinking about what could happen to her that might make a shit situation drag on and be part of local gossip. If that makes me a stepford wife/apologist of some sort/whatever else the feminazis want to throw at me, then fine... pardon me for trying to show a bit of thought for the OP once the fury of what he has done to her has calmed a bit and she is trying to forget him and get on with her life.

Well, a sorry saga indeed.

Best never to discuss sex with people outside of the relationship, I find is best. What goes on in a marriage is the business of the two people in it.

Ach no don't beat self up about his bad behaviour
Don't dwell or ruminate. Too toxic to live the why's and what ifs

Take the day off and go to a different clinic? Ask you GP nurse to do it??

I've skipped the last 4 pages of squabbling to tell you this. After my divorce, it turned out my ex had told my male relatives he uses prostitutes. About half of them said "So I knew he was a cunt, but was persuaded it was best not to tell you." The other half seemed to think it's just one of those "things men do". This has strongly informed my view of my relatives - however much I love the second lot, I can't respect people who reckon it's okay to use other people's bodies.

If anybody's unpleasant enough to gossip adversely about you because of it, TINML, it's because they're misogynist fuckwits. Everyone worth knowing will send you flowers and congratulate your common sense!

Humiliating for the OP? Ruining her reputation?

Pardon?..... What century are we in?....... Have we returned to the middle ages?......

I don't believe, in this day and age, that women are held accountable for the misdeads of their menfolk (at least in the western world)!
Particularly in relation to the abuse they have been victim of!!!

If anybody's unpleasant enough to gossip adversely about you because of it, TINML, it's because they're misogynist fuckwits. Everyone worth knowing will send you flowers and congratulate your common sense!

There is also the flip side of "poor Jayne hush did you know? poor Jayne" ..... frankly pity is the last think anyone needs when getting their life back together.

Only read first page and have to run, sorry but wanted to post - YANBU.

I would tell anyone who asked the whole truth.

You certainly have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! I am of the opinion that you cannot possibly worry about people talking about you (and if they would judge you by his choices then they're certainly not worth being concerned about). I say this as the voice of bitter experience --- if you say nothing in a breakup, People Will Make Up Something Else anyway. Hold your head high, you've done the right thing by chucking him out. Please do get tested for STDs though.

Pardon?..... What century are we in?....... Have we returned to the middle ages?......

In reply to your post, too, troisgarcons.

Squeaky, the problem with that mentality is that it's pretty much the same as the one that has seen for hundreds of years women not speak up about rape, for fear they will be ostracised by their communities and families. Thankfully we're not living in the dark ages any more and I imagine most of the people whose opinion the OP cares about are intelligent enough to separate out the shame due to him for a shitty act from the need to tar her with the dirty brush by association.

Do I get a feminazi badge too?

Some people do actually care about their reputation, and dont wish to be humiliated as it happens YNK.

Nobody is expecting the OP to be accountable, nor is anyone blaming her. Nobody is suggesting she lie or cover up for him. All I, and a few other are suggesting, is that she may want to consider all the possible effects that telling people he was seeing a prostitute may have.

I realise we live in an era where washing dirty linen on facebook in public seems to be the first course of action for many, but personally I believe that there are times when it is better to say as little as possible and give people nothing to gossip about.

I just read Solpadeine's comment about not enough Stepford wifes. all I can say is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

Get fucking real

Perhaps Op should submit to a stoning ? Why not tar and feather her ? Let's face it, her humiliation is complete and she can never show her face again. Maybe an honour killing is required here ?

Her reputation being ruined'n'all....

If, when she starts dating again, some bloke shied away because of the behaviour of her ex, then he wouldn't be worth her time in the first place

Pity is an awful thing to be on the receiving end of.

People pity you when you lose a parent. People pity you when you get made redundnat. People pity your when you have a disabled child. I don't like "pity". I certainly wouldnt want to be pitied for being in the Ops situation.

I don't pity OP. She's great.

oh dear god almighty.... I might have known we would move onto rape... this thread is not about rape, nor is it about domestic violence...

Is it actually possible for certain posters to keep on topic within a thread rather than drag rape into it when the OP has not mentioned rape.

I am imagining the community Squeakys cousin lives in as a bit like the 'burn the witch' village in Monty Python And The Holy Grail. From what I gather the OP lives in Newcastle, which is probs quite different.

I admire OP

I don't pity her, not in the slightest

Surely if you care what fuckwits think about you it makes you a fuckwit too? I wouldn't want anyo e whose opinion I would care so little for to shape my behaviour so I end up as stupid as them. There's no dignity in accommodating those kind of views.