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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge without getting snidey remarks?

172 replies

cupofteaplease · 20/01/2012 08:10

Dd3 has a blue badge because she is on continuous oxygen which is quite bulky and cumbersome to manoeuvre in and out of the caring tight parking spaces.

I have only used a disabled space on a few occasions (we have only had the badge for a week) but on a couple of occasions I've had people tutting and eye rolling at me.

One lady even called out from her car, 'You don't look very disabled to me!'

I wasn't expecting this- was I naive or AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge in peace?

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 20/01/2012 08:12

Did you say anything back?
'no, but my daughter is' should shame them into keeping their mouth shut next time

Elfontheedge · 20/01/2012 08:13

YANBU at all. Some people are just so bloody rude.

kitbit · 20/01/2012 08:25

yy to Shutup's advice

Don't let it get to you. People who shout out are envious because they can't park closer. They give zero thought to what that actually means for the person with the badge.

minibmw2010 · 20/01/2012 08:37

Was your daughter with you at the time this woman was rude to you? If so, shame on her. Angry If she wasn't, then should you have been using the badge?

thederkinsdame · 20/01/2012 08:38

Sadly people always think they are being clever making idiotic comments like this. Usually because they are ignorant idiots.

DS doesn't have a blue badge but we have to use disabled toilets, so get comments like this all the time. I've developed a wide range of cutting comebacks for this sort of scenario, usually along the lines of:

'Disabilities don't automatically come with a wheelchair. Go and bother someone else with your ignorance while I get on with looking after my disabled daughter' (or similar)

FlightRisk · 20/01/2012 08:41

Just say " maybe not but I can arrange for you to be" Grin

Was your daughter with you? I hope she was otherwise shame on you!!!

It is an offence to use a blue badge without the person who is the holder to be present.

sodapops · 20/01/2012 08:43

I've got a blue badge and quite often get snidey remarks, eye rolling and tutting when I park the car. Sometimes remarks are made even when they have seen me struggle to get out of the car and see me shuffling with 2 crutches! Usually the snidey people are elderly IME!

IDontDoIroning · 20/01/2012 08:46

Was dd with you? Is she was woman was bu.
If dd wasn't with you then I'm sure you aren't supposed to use badge unless it's for the person named on the badge so maybe woman was NBU.

OnlyANinja · 20/01/2012 09:02

Using the blue badge without getting snidey remarks is not something that you have control over. The snidey remarks are entirely out of your control, therefore you are not being reasonable or unreasonable because you are not doing anything.

Anyone who comments on whether someone looks disabled is of course BVU.

Original poster
cupofteaplease · 20/01/2012 09:07

Yes, obviously I had dd with me or I wouldn't be using the blue badge!

That's what makes it so hurtful, surely they can see the tubes connecting the baby in the car seat to the cylinder strapped to my back?

I guess I'll have to grow a thicker skin, or walk with a limp perhaps... Hmm

OP posts:
ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 20/01/2012 09:13

Just tell them to fuck off and stop being so fucking nosy, it's none of their business what your reason for having a blue badge is, you have it and that's that.

Dawndonna · 20/01/2012 09:16

DD2 is a wheelchair user. We've had it for years. If someone does say anything, she usually offers to swop legs with them, that shuts them up!

CMOTDibbler · 20/01/2012 09:20

People are so effing rude. You don't need the grief from strangers, but just give them the stare of doom and say 'I'm not, but my daughter is' and leave it there

LordOfTheFlies · 20/01/2012 09:21

I work with older people and alot of them have made comments about other BB holders, it is IME the older generation who comment (snideley).
In response to "You don't look diasbled" try:

"No I'm not.You're right." (Then see the outrage on their face) Then add" Just as well, otherwise I wouldn't be able to look after me DD"

Or if anyone comments on your DD directly:
"Oh and you're a doctor are you "?

LordOfTheFlies · 20/01/2012 09:21

Mis-spelt : disabled not diasbled .

Grumpla · 20/01/2012 09:22

My friend gets this a LOT. Until she emerges from behind the car door and people realise she is a multiple amputee.

Worst culprits are older people who tend to see the badge as something they are entitled to as a perk of turning 70, never mind the 50 yard rule and the fact they happily walk three miles round the shops twice a week.

People are twats. There isn't much you can do about that unfortunately.

Practice saying "oh good, would you like to help me carry my baby's oxygen cylinder so I don't have to clutter up the car park then?" or similar comebacks but don't feel you have a duty to confront or educate every twat that crosses your path. There are a lot of them and you need to focus your energy on you and your daughter.

GrownUp2012 · 20/01/2012 09:25

Go look in the mirror and practise your "fuck off face".

Have a witty repartee prepared.

Combine the two.

Walk away with the moral high ground. You are not in the wrong.

Honestly, two fingered salute to anyone who is this ignorant.
x

Peekabooooo · 20/01/2012 09:25

What a nerve of the women to say that. Are you meant to look a certain way to be classed as disabled. I'd have given her a right gob full. Silly bitch!
YANBU, it's the dickhead's that say things like that which are.
Angry

W0rmy · 20/01/2012 09:29

you don't look disabled

Well spotted, how very observant of you, I am surprised then that you missed the oxygen cylinder and tubes feeding my daughter

or FlightRisk's one is very satisfying too

" maybe not but I can arrange for you to be"

Pagwatch · 20/01/2012 09:30

If you get it a lot and it really bothers you, you could get a card/flyer printed.

Ds1 used to get really upset when people said vile things about DS2. So we got him his own cards printed which he could just hand them. He worded it himself - he was about 7 - and it was lovely. It said things like '...he is just a small boy trying his best' and at the end 'please try and remember your manners'.

It was really effective not leastt because he didn't have that agony of trying to think of what to ssy

ShirleyForAllSeasons · 20/01/2012 09:34

It's utterly mad that people act this way, seriously - what sort of knuckle dragging bastard would shout something out to someone with a blue badge? It is literally beyond my comprehension.

I think I would probably spen my life shouting "FUCK YOU!" but I recognise that this is not the best option.

I'm sorry for everyone that has run into such awful pond scum.

Tmesis · 20/01/2012 09:34

I guess part of OP's problem is that this is shouted from a car by someone who then drives off leaving her unable to disembowel them slowly with a teaspoon reply with an appropriate retort.

LordOfTheFlies · 20/01/2012 09:34

Unfortunately there are alot of people who do mis-use the BBs .So alot of people feel it's their duty to challenge. It's like if you don't challenge, you condone it.

I watched 2 young men park in Disabled Bay at our shopping centre and sprint into the Sainsbo. I thought, Oh maybe they've gone to pick up their Grandad from the shop. But no, two minutes later they sprinted back and drove off.

And the people who park on double yellow lines on corners at the school then put a BB in the window -sometimes leaving an elderly relative in the car ,probably the badge owner.Then take the DCs to school.
A woman got a ticket near us because she parked on a double yellow, leaving her disabled mum in the car.It was ruled that because the driver was able bodied she could have parked properly.I wasn't for the benefit of the older ladies walking.

EnjoyResponsibly · 20/01/2012 09:35

Cupoftea how is DD doing?

I think you're going to have to flick up your fingers to anyone that makes such a comment in future.

Quite frankly they're asking for it.

Wouldn't it be great though if we could just vaporise such people with a single glance. I often wish for that power. Sigh.

W0rmy · 20/01/2012 09:37

big lump in my throat at Pag's DS's signs '...he is just a small boy trying his best'