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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge without getting snidey remarks?

172 replies

cupofteaplease · 20/01/2012 08:10

Dd3 has a blue badge because she is on continuous oxygen which is quite bulky and cumbersome to manoeuvre in and out of the caring tight parking spaces.

I have only used a disabled space on a few occasions (we have only had the badge for a week) but on a couple of occasions I've had people tutting and eye rolling at me.

One lady even called out from her car, 'You don't look very disabled to me!'

I wasn't expecting this- was I naive or AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge in peace?

OP posts:
Fiendishlie · 21/01/2012 23:57

Yes, Kladdkaka, there is more too it of course. Such as walking causing severe pain, and repeating the distance within a certain time, or walking very slowly. I was querying the suggestion that anyone who made it to the appointment was automatically refused a badge as they had 'proved they are mobile' by getting there. Which is ridiculous and probably a local myth. The poster didn't tell us which county it was.
Here's another thought for all to ponder. I have an acquaintance who has a blue badge for his bad back. He thinks it is proper hilarious that he has his GP convinced he is barely mobile so she signs his forms for him. Should there be more checks by Local Authorities with regard to eligibility?

redwineformethanks · 22/01/2012 00:30

Fiendishlie - good advice thanks, if I've ever felt I should challenge someone, I've always been 100% sure they are not displaying a disabled badge

crazycarol - that's very difficult isn't it? Absolutely you were entitled to use the space. If you were still displaying the badge, people shouldn't challenge you. If the badge wasn't on display, then I guess they had no means of knowing if you were genuine or not

I've always been a bit concerned that there might be an issue with some people using their relative's badge for convenience even if the disabled relative isn't there. Perhaps that's not an issue. Not suggesting that any of the posters here have ever given out their badges, but are you all totally convinced that the vast majority of people in disabled spaces are genuine? If so, I'll be reassured by that and won't ever again feel that I should fight your corner by challenging someone

girlsyearapart · 22/01/2012 00:48

How awful op you have enough to contend with
I have had similar experience using disabled toilets when there's been a queue for the regular ones.
I have M.S. & it does affect my bladder so I can't hold on for as long as others.
So dull to have to explain to others about your bladder problems tho..

LordOfTheFlies · 22/01/2012 01:00

I was asked/demanded to go round the whole building (work) to find the driver of a car parked in the BB spaces without a badge.

There are over 40 rooms on 2 floors.

That'll be a No.

Bakelitebelle · 22/01/2012 01:09

Blue badge fraud is on a massive scale and I think people get really wound up at the injustice of fraudsters getting away with it. It makes people feel very powerless that so little is done about it and they are left to 'police' disabled parking.

For this reason Cup, I would ignore the advice on here to swear at or say something really cutting to the tutters and even the shouters. I would just calmly point out the facts: That as your DD is on continuous oxygen, she qualifies for a blue badge. In their fury, they probably just see a baby, not an ill baby with tubes and medical paraphernalia.

They will feel shit and ashamed as it is, once they realise what they have done, without the awful situation of getting in a slanging match with them.

There are so many battles to fight if you have an SN child, it's probably just not worth getting into conflict with disabled people. Most are probably endlessly frustrated, not horrible.

Abirdinthehand · 22/01/2012 01:21

This is not really a bb story, but similar principle. When our 13 month old was being rushed to hospital in an ambulance with burns, dh was not able to come in the ambulance with us - one passenger only. So he followed in the car. He pulled in front of someone at traffic lights, and they guy started gesturing, wound his window down, and tried to cut dh up. Dh wound his window down and yelled 'MY BABY'S IN THAT AMBULANCE GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!'. The guy flushed bright red, and was so shocked he stalled his car. Thing is, people go on what they see - an aggressive driver. If they know the facts, most people are decent human beings.

They saw able bodied op getting out of the car, and jumped to conclusions. Abuse probably won't help - they just need the facts. Difficult, I know, if they drive off - but if the nasty person had known the real facts, she would not have shouted.

NoMoreMarbles · 22/01/2012 02:26

My mum has recently qualified for a BB and gets the tutting and head shaking regularly. She is not obviously disabled but has crippling pain and struggles to walk for any distance.
I told a middle-aged man to piss off last week outside Asda as he stood in the parking space as my mum was reverse parking and refused to moveHmm She hadn't even parked yet and he was already shouting "you have to have a DISABILITY to park here love"Angry She got her blue badge out and put it on the dashboard, I got out and told the idiot to piss off so my disabled mother could park up, he stepped back but muttered to himself all the whileHmm He didnt even give her a chance to park in the space FGS before being all disabled-bay crusader-yHmm

It makes me so Angry

I suppose i can kind of see where this could come from but to completely obstruct a bay with your own self-righteous idiocy...without even allowing a person to park their car in said bay whilst abusing them verbally...beyond my comprehension TBH

OP you are 100% clearly NBU...life with disability-whether your own or someone close- is hard enough without the ignorance of others marring your day.

iscream · 22/01/2012 05:15

YANBU. I am sad reading of all the ignorant remarks people have thrown their way.
My ds has had a handicap parking card for a few months, I am thankful nobody has ever said anything to him. I guess because he uses a cane it "protects" him from the jerks big mouths.

I think if I were in your sit OP, I would have gone over to her with baby, and showed her. To make her feel guilty. I know that is not nice, wanting her to feel badly, but she wasn't nice to you.

AThingInYourLife · 22/01/2012 05:39

bawling at pagwatch's boy's card to defend his little brother.

So, so sweet. And so awful that he felt it necessary.

I just do not get blue badge envy.

I'm glad to live in a world where people who need to park closer to buildings can have that arranged for them.

I'm thankful both that I don't need such an arrangement, and that if I ever do it can be done.

What is wrong with people?

"he's just a little boy doing his best" :) :(

TheHumancatapult · 22/01/2012 05:59

We had this to when been out and our van has big writing on back about leaving room for the lift . I do tend to find while they are saying something that lowering the lift down and wheeling round asking can I help you soOn shuts them up

Ds3 has one to and people do look oddly at why has that toddler got a blue badge , as he does not use a wheelchair all the time . I have said well that toddler walking slow and odd is infact almost 7 that soon shuts them up too

mathanxiety · 22/01/2012 06:06

Flip them the bird. You don't owe anyone an explanation of where you are parking.

I have a friend with MS and she has good days and bad days. Some of the bad days are not entirely due to MS, sadly.

Pagwatch -- amazing and so moving.

kickassangel · 22/01/2012 07:39

Re my earlier point. Wheelchair users prob wouldn't be called for interview. If you can walked more than 100 meters easily and unaided you shouldn't need a bb. BUT if you can only walk it with a stick or in pain/difficulty, you should get the badge. Of course, if you turn up for the interview te council are apparently going to say otherwise

MissTapestry · 22/01/2012 08:05

It would never occur to me to challenge someone with a BB, however, I have and do challenge anyone in a disabled space with no BB. I usually say 'excuse me, do you need to use this space as a disabled parking space?'
They either go bright red and move, or get aggressive and go, 'why, do you need to park here?!'
And I'll turn around and point at the MASSIVE van that I've pulled up in, covered in signs and with a wheelchair user in the back waiting for space to let the ramp down and go, 'um, yeah, obviously' Grin

It really pisses me off when people use BB spaces to wait for their precious dc to come out of the sports club or wherever, because you can't see what they're doing, so the only way to find out is to challenge. Smile

StealthPolarBear · 22/01/2012 08:53

Why should the blue badge holders be polite and educative in their response to abuse? I agree if they were politely asked whether they realised it was a bb space then they should respond politely. If they're abused then a calm fuck off is all that's needed

accidentprawn · 22/01/2012 08:57

if DD is there she is bu
if not she is nbu
how is DD op?

BoffinMum · 22/01/2012 09:09

Nobody has ever challenged me even though I sometimes look pretty able bodied at the beginning of an expedition.

I was recently reassessed and they were great, letting me park right by the building, putting the assessment really near the reception area, carrying my bag to the car for me afterwards, being really sympathetic about chronic pain, and in fact even advising me to talk to my consultant about painkilling patches, which I hadn't heard of. I had been dreading the assessment in case I had to trek miles and miles to get to the appointment and be crippled the next day, but actually it was a really positive experience.

sashh · 22/01/2012 09:31

Sorry to say this but you will have to get used to it.

If you have the audacity to have a disability before you are 65 then you (and later your daughter) well get it all the time.

The best response I've come from was from a coworker - he was accused of misusing a blue badge, so he took his artificial leg off and threw it at the accuser.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 22/01/2012 09:40

NoMoreMarbles I am Shock at that man's attitude, I'm afraid to say if I had been driving that car I would have kept going and let him take his chances, what an utter prick.

Rollersara · 22/01/2012 09:47

Regarding challenging people, someone suggested to me that if I saw someone get out of a car in a BB space without a badge to amble over and say politely, "If I were you I'd get my BB out, the traffic wardens here are very strict and will fine you if you don't display it..."

Actually the traffic wardens here are very nice. When my motability car had it's last service I left my blue badge in the courtesy car by mistake. I had to park in a BB space to get a prescription and a traffic warden stopped me as I was getting wheelie out. He asked about my badge, I explained and he wrote me a note to put in the window with his badge number to say that if another warden saw the car I was ok to park there and call him if there was a problem.

eaglewings · 22/01/2012 09:51

Years ago a car was in a sports center BB space with no badge. I was taking dd to her swimming lesson and needed that space so I could walk to the pool to watch her.
Put my BB on display and parked the car in
Told reception staff. No apology form the man when I had to move my car to let him out. He just told me it was the last space. He could have parked on the road and walked in, not an option for me sadly.

Rollersara · 22/01/2012 10:05

Our sports centre car park had some renovation work done recently so the only free spaces were blue badge. Staff at the centre then parked in those spaces so they didn't have to pay. I squeezed into the last space and then asked the receptionist about all the non BB cars in BB spaces because it was very difficult to park to be told, "Well, it's just the same problem for staff!" Err, no it isn't. You have to park in the other car park you have to pay. I have to park in the other car park, I have to pay, and also can't walk to the sports centre.... Hmm

PattiMayor · 22/01/2012 10:10

kickarseangel - did you read my post? Having a bb is not solely be dependent on your ability to be able to walk 100m unaided and without pain Hmm

There are also lots of people who have them for children with ASD who cannot be safely taken across a car park.

Glitterknickaz · 22/01/2012 10:19

All those saying it should have been prosecutable then yes it should I agree with you.

However, Sussex Police declined to prosecute this criminal damage on the grounds that it occurred on private property.

If anyone wants to know why they did that I suggest you enquire with them. They weren't exactly forthcoming with me.

PocPoc · 22/01/2012 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordOfTheFlies · 22/01/2012 10:33

ON the flip-side, jusy to be Devil's Advocate...

Where my dentist is in town centre, there are yellow lines/double yellow lines, so a nightmare to park. (I usually would get the bus, but on occasion I've gome straight from work)

There are 3 Parking Meter spaces round the corner.
2 of which were occupied by BB cars.
The meter was at zero, so I don't know if they'd parked there with no money put in or it had elapsed. 2 hours time which is the same as a badge.
Which is the time they could have had if they'd parked on the single yellow line either side of the bays.Long straight road, no obstacles

They would not have got a ticket on the yellow lines. I would have.

I'm Confused at why though. Revenge?

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