AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge without getting snidey remarks?

[cupofteaplease]

Dd3 has a blue badge because she is on continuous oxygen which is quite bulky and cumbersome to manoeuvre in and out of the caring tight parking spaces.

I have only used a disabled space on a few occasions (we have only had the badge for a week) but on a couple of occasions I've had people tutting and eye rolling at me.

One lady even called out from her car, 'You don't look very disabled to me!'

I wasn't expecting this- was I naive or AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge in peace?

I was the poster who said about abuse of BB and what I actually said was:

"I find the argument that "a lot of BB abuse goes on" to be a load of BS TBH"

The point I was making was that the argument that a lot of BB abuse does on does not make it OK to shout stuff or give nasty looks or mutter at people who have parked in those spaces.

Sorry, should have been clearer.

Neither is it OK to expect BB place parkers to prove themselves to a random stranger. My use of the space and badge is between me, my medical professionals and the relevant parking authorities. It has bugger all to do with some bitter git in a supermarket carpark.

Sorry I had to pop out (don't worry, I didn't use the BB )

It seems that it is a bit of a minefield then, if others have experienced this. I think I need to toughen up. As with every other aspect of having a disabled child, I hadn't quite realised how many hurdles there are to face in the smallest things. To everyone who has dealt with this for a hell of a lot longer than I, have a

EnjoyResponsibly She is super, thanks for asking.
Sidge I loved everything about your post, must print it out and keep it with the BB!
Pag Your son sounds delightful. Dd1 was upset about people staring at dd3, so dh taught her to say loudly and proudly, 'Yes, she's beautiful, isn't she?!' Dh is a lot more assertive than I am though!

"You don't look like a twat. Just goes to show - you never can tell"

We get the stares, occasional comments but only one nasty encounter years ago. It is annoying and awful but so many more positive things to expend your thoughts and energies on.

I have to say, if this is happening 15 times a day then being snippy about it is one thing, but I really don't understand why you don't just reply nicely...you know something along the lines of "The badge is actually for my daughter - I'm just getting her out of the car. it is awful though when people do abuse these spaces isn't it..."

People DO abuse the spaces, and it upsets a large amount of people..so to some extent good on them for challenging people....however you tend to find these are simply "normal" people railing against a perceived injustice and actually will be quite nice and supportive if they know you aren't actually part of that injustice.....after all, these are people who really dislike people abusing disabled spaces....

But it doesn't have anything to do with them

It doesn;'t have anything to do with them on a lot of levels but its actually a good thing for the whole community surely that people are in general copncerned about these spaces being abused...

Maybe I just really over-worry about what people think of me, but I'd far rather reply that I had a disabled child that I was just getting and have them think something about me based on that, rather than shout "I can make sure you are disabled" or "why are you such a jerk" and have them think something very negative about me.

I'm a very smily person and I'm pretty happy to engage in conversation with most people - my automatic response would be to explain in a calm voice rather than a shouted back retort...

I think anyone would find it hard to see it just as a "good thing for the community" if they were getting hassled by strangers often.

Bathsheba I don't understand getting snippy about it at all. All parking spaces are a reasonable distance from the shop, even the one in the furthest most corner of the carpark. It's not like they've said "if you don't have a blue badge, you have to walk here and carry your shopping home."

And no one should have to justify using someone who isn't an authority. If it is being abused, it's not for some random person walking into a shop to speculate. If I were to get that 15 times a day, I'd be snippy about it to and couldn't guarantee I'd be gracious to the rude cow who thought it appropriate to publicly humiliate me.

You need to be willing to look at people's motivation for challenging you....

They are challenging people parking in disabled spaces because they are so often abused....its a heavy handed and pretty insulting way to do it, yes, but their motivation is to make sure the spaces are used correctly..

And no one should have to justify using one someone who isn't an authority.

And no one should have to justify using one to someone who isn't an authority. FAFS!

yes their motivation does matter..but it is a royal pain in the arse being misunderstood and challenged all the time

I really don't think self-appointed policing of BB's is about people being Good Concerned Citizens re possible parking violations.

After all, you don't hear snide yells of "Oooh, you overstayed for 20 mins - I checked the timestamp on the ticket in your window."

It's about envy: "You're getting something I want, viz parking privileges."

Of course you should be able to use your DD's badge to park where she is entitled wihout being hassled. No call for people to be so rude or presumptious.

But the opinions of the ignorant can be shrugged off. I am afraid you will find that sometimes you won't be able to park because some one has decided to 'just hovver for a few moments in the on-street disabled bay waiting for their companion to 'pop' into a shop' - while you drive round desparately looking for a space and assume it to be free, that members of the Saturdat morning 5 a side team have ued all the spaces at the park because they are closest to the changing room / and or they are too lazy to walk from the free on-street parking, the space is occupied by a perfectly fit person using his / her gran's badge...

The more scarce or expensive parking is in your area, the more you will find it hard actually getting to use it. London is a nightmare for badge abuse.

They are challenging people parking in disabled spaces because they are so often abused....its a heavy handed and pretty insulting way to do it, yes, but their motivation is to make sure the spaces are used correctly..

I don't know. I think there is a flaw with this argument. How do you know they are so often abused? Are the abused more than they are used correctly?

I have never had anyone comment or ask me about my parking in a polite, but concerned for those in genuine need, manner. It is always aggressive, accusitory and very intimidating. I ignore them. When people scare me, my brain cuts them out. They don't exist. This seems to make people worse and they get more angry and sometimes physical. Why on earth would I want to engage with people who think pushing and intimidating vulnerable people is acceptable?

Bathsheba, you could just as well say that asking every black person you meet on the street for their immigration status was doing a service to the community. After all, illegal immigrants do exist.

That wouldn't make anyone snippy at all.

You might need to develop a rhino hide.
Despite both DS2 and DD needing a wheelchair and buggy respectively as they cannot walk long distances (both in receipt of HRM DLA) DS2's motability car was criminally damaged by an elderly gentleman whilst parked in a disabled bay at Sainsburys back in September because he didn't think we deserved to park there.

The police couldn't act as it was private property.

I've had the tuts and stares, but now 6 years into being a parent of kids with additional needs I'm getting a thicker hide and it no longer upsets me.

I must admit the best 'toughening up' has come from being on here having posters telling me my children should be euthanised, that I'm an entitled bitch etc. Which really helped with the comments at the bottom of the guardian article about my family

I know you shouldn't need to toughen up this way but unfortunately it's very necessary. Please try not to let these idiots get you down.

I've heard of someone with motor neurone's disease being challenged-just because at the time it hadn't reached the stage where they couldn't walk. Sad for you OP-some people are just plain nasty.

What I don't understand is why you get the looks before you even get out of the car. No, I don't look disabled when I'm driving. I do once I've tottered to the boot and manhandled the wheelchair out.

I've been reading this thread with interest as I have recently had a BB for my son who is 4 and has ASD and learning difficulties. DS doesn't look disabled but has huge issues. I've only needed to use the badge twice and it has been a godsend, so far so good - no nasty comments but I expect my time will come..............

Just wanted to ask, if people who make comments are doing it for altruistic reasons, why does it only ever happen when I am alone?

Oh cup - can't believe you have had to start a thread like this after everything you have been through.

You definitely need to develop a stern face, and perhaps say something about having the might of Mumsnet behind you.