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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge without getting snidey remarks?

172 replies

cupofteaplease · 20/01/2012 08:10

Dd3 has a blue badge because she is on continuous oxygen which is quite bulky and cumbersome to manoeuvre in and out of the caring tight parking spaces.

I have only used a disabled space on a few occasions (we have only had the badge for a week) but on a couple of occasions I've had people tutting and eye rolling at me.

One lady even called out from her car, 'You don't look very disabled to me!'

I wasn't expecting this- was I naive or AIBU to hope to use dd's blue badge in peace?

OP posts:
PastGrace · 20/01/2012 21:33

OP that sounds horrible, poor you.

I was in a wheelchair for about six months when I was 12 (didn't qualify for BB because it wasn't permanent) but I couldn't get into a normal car so we had a van thingy with a wheelchair winch. My mum used to park in a disabled bay, unload me, then drive and park somewhere else because she used to get people having a go at her for parking there without a BB, even though we couldn't have parked anywhere else and got me out. And they'd shout in front of me, too.

FabbyChic · 20/01/2012 21:35

Tell them to fuck off,

Fiendishlie · 21/01/2012 00:03

Short and sweet, Fabby, love it.

gallifrey · 21/01/2012 10:35

actually tell a lie, I had one bloke stand there and shake his head at me as I reversed out of the space I was parked in at Tesco one day. I normally take my blue badge off the dashboard when I get in the car so maybe he saw me come out of a disabled space without displaying it, not that it had anything to do with him of course!
I drove off but I wished I had driven round and shoved it in his face along with my wheelchair that was in the back of the car!

TandB · 21/01/2012 10:43

Maybe Shirley and Fabby can hire themselves out to ride around in other MNetters' cars shouting "fuck yooooooou" and "fuck off" at rude people.

In fact can I come too? We could start an agency.

Blu · 21/01/2012 10:50

In London, where sale of stolen Blue Badges is a significant problem, and you can buy a fake BB from behind a certain van at a certain major market, and parking is so scarce and expensive that many people use family BB's when the disabled person is not in the car, how far do you assume that every user is an entitled user?

Would it extend to the car-loads of 20 something men who leap out of cars in football gear and sprint over for the gruelling training session of the (non disabled / non integrated) Saturday League football team?

As someone who frequently had to abandon plans to take a then-wheelchair using DS to our local lido because of these selfish gits (or plucky souls with invisible disabilities?) because the spaces were used up, I wish I had the courage to challenge people more often!

I have done so twice - once when 2 posh men in a people carrier loaded with kids parked in a disabled space in Holt Norfolk (was it your DH, anyone? Dark blue vehicle, a man and his Dad?) and I was with my BB entitled DS AND Mum, and I v politely asked if they had a BB (not displayed) because if they didn't could I have the space. I was at first blanked and then told to mind my own business, the second time a woman with no BB parked across the entrance to a BB bay, so that the bay could not be accessed. I again politely, asked her to move as I couldn't get into the bay with DS, and she said she wasn't in the bay, so i had no right to ask her to move (she had literally parked sideways across the front of the bay, boxing it in, and Ii should shut up as I was a fat cow who had ruined her day.

Something seems to happen to people's brains where cars and parking are concerned. It's quite sinister.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/01/2012 10:52

if someone has a BB and you don't think they are disabled, you can report them, so then if its a fake they will be prosecuted.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/01/2012 10:53

i just wonder what people's criteria for challenging would be? would you challenge us because my DD got out of car and was jumping around and then running? Some people sadly would, and she is 100% entitled to her blue badge. People can't take it upon themselves to decide who is and who isn't entitled.

Blu · 21/01/2012 11:02

I know, Fanjo - it's hard. But would you really not be suspicious of all these footballers?
It's a council car park, not on the road, so the regular sweeps for BB abuse don't find them. And the council don't give a monkeys.
I haven't challenged the BB weilding footballers, by the way - and anyway DS doesn't currently have a badge. So - not my problem, eh?

Except that i am annoyed because I know how hard it can be for genjuine users to find space.

BB abuse really is a problem in S London.

Anniegetyourgun · 21/01/2012 11:11

Sorry to hark back to yesterday, but it only just occurred to me that if someone breaks into your house, which is after all private property, there is plenty the police can do. So saying they can't prosecute because it's on Sainsbury's forecourt rather than the public highway sounds a little like, shall we say, bullshit.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/01/2012 11:21

Yes I can see your point there Blu,

Sounds like there are a lot of callous selfish people out there.

Have not really seen ANY badge abuse here in Edinburgh, fortunately, I do have a look for a badge, out of interest, so i probably look like I am a glarer too!

gallifrey · 21/01/2012 18:01

I must admit I have a look to see if they have a badge too!

80sbabe · 21/01/2012 20:29

We get the same sort of remarks too from time to time, our DS is a permanent wheelchair user and has had a blue badge since he was 2.

"What's wrong with him then?" is a very common one.
We also get "You could use Parent and Child instead of taking a disabled space"

Not too long ago someone reported us for blue badge misuse. They sent a detailed description of me, the date, time, our car and the route I took from the car park. However they somehow neglected to notice the wheelchair I was pushing. DS must have been wearing his invisibility cloak at the time Wink

I wish I had some real words of wisdom for the op, but I haven't, apart from to try and feel pity for people who are so obvious far more disadvantaged in life due to their lack of brain cells Smile

mummytowillow · 21/01/2012 21:22

I feel for you, my mum is 69 and has severe arthritis, we have had people shout at us saying we shouldn't park in the disabled bay! Angry

In fact I witnessed a man taking his disabled daughter out of the car (there were plenty of spaces) and he verbally abused both of us, so I walked over to him and showed him the blue badge! He did apologise Wink

My mum was assessed as needing one, and as far as I'm concerned she is entitled to use it!

ReindeerBollocks · 21/01/2012 21:28

I have to say it massively pisses people off when we used to use a BB and a seemly healthy (no visible disabilities) family got out of their cars. Old people tend to be worse/more confrontational.

Cup I am sorry that you and Bea are experiencing this, take heart that your girl has the support of MN and next time you shop we may just flash mob the next person who questions you and then we'll all tell them to Fuck off!

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 21/01/2012 22:04

Cup - you are definitely (unfortunately) going to have to work on getting the hide of a Rhino.

Who knows if the person was just a complete arse or if they were, in their cack handed way, trying to help to keep the disabled spaces free for BB users (not seeing yours). I guess you could try to think the best of them if it helps you hang onto your sanity! If not one of the retorts about 'being observant enough to see you don't appear disabled, but not so observant they didn't see DD's tubes' might cut straight to the point. OR if you don't have DD1 & 2 with you - you might want to try something even more abrasive until Bea is old enough to understand. I find 'mind your own fucking business' fairly to the point.

Bathsheba - I do understand where you are coming from and it's a nice approach, but sometimes you just don't have the energy to be nice and educate people.

frumpet · 21/01/2012 22:18

I just dont understand why people feel the need to have a go . when i go to the supermarket , i park ,shop and go home . There is a guy who shops where i do , he is in a wheelchair , occasionally he park in p&T space because the disabled spaces are full , i only notice because i have a slight crush on himGrin

redwineformethanks · 21/01/2012 22:42

This thread has been an eye opener for me. I'd appreciate some advice.

From time to time, when I've seen someone with no blue badge using a disabled parking space, I've been concerned that they were abusing the system. I felt that in some way I had a duty to disabled people to challenge this, to make sure that people with a genuine need would have access to the parking space. I'm not a "do gooder" and I'm not elderly. I genuinely felt that I was doing the right thing and it took quite a bit of courage to do it. I've always been polite eg "Perhaps you didn't realise, but do you know that this is a disabled space?" Was that wrong? I honestly thought I was doing the right thing, but if the majority on here think that is inappropriate, I'd be really happy to ignore it with a clear conscience.

Fiendishlie · 21/01/2012 22:53

Redwine- it's tricky but a lot of it is about timing. Some of the people on this thread (me included) have had people shout at us or challenge us about our use of a disabled bay when we have displayed our badges, or before we have had chance to. Because they look at us and decide that we couldn't possibly be entitled to a badge. This is offensive and plain wrong.
But there is abuse of disabled spaces by people who do not have badges, and therefore do not display them. If you were to see people parking in a disabled bay, and leave the car without displaying a badge, then maybe it would be okay to challenge. But IMO you would have to be damn sure that there was no badge before doing so.

Sevenfold · 21/01/2012 22:53

sadly this is the norm.
my dd has a BB but as she is in a WC people don't tut,(although I used to pmsl when we had a normal car and I would jump out and run too the boot....cue scowls.....get the WC out cue "oh ok" looks)
it is something you sadly will learn to cope with, rl as on mn is full of people who hate seeing some one getting something they can't have.

kickassangel · 21/01/2012 22:57

ok - Obviously, in no way does this make the actions of people who shout out etc acceptable, BUT, having seen the hurdles some people go through to get a blue badge, then maybe some of the hecklers are bitter because they have been turned down/are too scared to apply?

I say this because my mum's local authority have such stringent rules, that it is close to impossible to get a blue badge. my mum fits the description of people who are eligible, but won't apply, as she thinks they will refuse her.

This is prompted mainly by stories in the local paper that people unable to walk more than 100 metres have been called into the county offices to be 'interviewed' to see if they really are worthy of a BB. The county offices have NO PARKING near them. Anyone who makes it to the interview is automatically excluded, because they have just proved they are mobile by getting to the office.

Perhaps with some LA making BB rarer than hen's teeth, they are embittered older people desperately jealous of those with a BB. Not nice of them, of course, they are venting their angst in the wrong direction, but it is maybe a justifiable angst.

(fwiw, my mother would NEVER tut at someone, more likely to offer them her walking stick so that she can fall over herself)

Fiendishlie · 21/01/2012 23:05

I'm not sure I get this kickass, I'd get to the interview, in my wheelchair. And (perhaps I should whisper this bit) if someone does walk there, isn't it therefore true that they can walk more than 100 metres? Obviously some people get badges who can walk further than this, (blind people for example) but it reminds me of a colleague who was furious that his wife had been declined a badge; after all, he told me, she could manage no more than a mile due to her sore hip.

crazycarol · 21/01/2012 23:23

My mum has a blue badge and I recently took her to a hospital appointment, parked in a disabled space, took my mum in (walks very slowly with a stick). Left her there as she had several tests etc and is perfectly able to speak for herself. DD and I went back to the car to go elsewhere while we were waiting, and got some really dirty looks from people nearby! What did they expect us to do? OP I feel for you and wished I was braver to say something

ValarMorghulis · 21/01/2012 23:26

just reply "you don't look like a Dr to me either. guess we are both learning today"

or better still flick her a V and tell her mind her own

Kladdkaka · 21/01/2012 23:49

Fiend I have a blue badge and I can walk more than 100 metres. I'd get to the appointment. But every step will hurt more than the previous and the further I go one day, the more I'll likely be completely bedbound the next.

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