about lapdancing clubs (yes that old chestnut again)

[whomovedmyblackberry]

Dh is going out with an old friend who has a 'reputation', on Saturday night.
I said 'oh I hope you won't go to any lapdancing clubs'. Dh then got a little defensive and ended up saying that he won't be dictated to, and I cannot impose my morality on him. He did say that it wouldn't be in his plans but he wasn't morally against it and would go if someone else wanted to etc.

I said that in a marriage you have to respect the other person's moral stance and feelings to which he said if he asked me to stop eating meat would I (he's veggie).
I don't think it's really the same.

As background he doesn't show any interest sexually in me, hence me feeling especially shirty about lapdancing clubs.

Lap dancing clubs are a place where sex-workers can ply their trade. From the moral point of view, it doesn't really matter whether the sex-workers involved have been coerced into the job or not, because the buyers are the ones feeding the money in. Which are the punters. The blokes. The bored businessmen, the frustrated family men, the lonely singletons, or whoever. Because it's just plain wrong. The issue of young women (and men) being forced into the sex trade is an associated evil.

Lap/pole dancers are NOT sex workers and that is a very ignorant comment to make ! They do not have sex for money they are not prostitutes !

Worra, the points you raised about other exploitation were explored a bit on this thread

If one accepts that there is some exploitation within lapdancing clubs, then how does one know which women are being exploited? Same goes for porn, which is why I started that other thread.

topknob, I consider lapdancers to be part of the sex industry and many people do

it is paid sexual titillation

that is the definition of the "sex industry"

Sorry maypole, no idea what you're trying to say!

it is paid sexual titillation

So is a lot of advertising and many pop videos. And tv or films with graphic sex scenes.

yes, crabby, so they are and there are issues that I have with some of that too...for a different thread

so ?

So it's a tricky line to draw AF; where the perimeter of 'the sex industry' lies. You stated that paid titillation is the definition of the sex industry, and I was making the point that sexual titillation is an intrinsic part of advertising, some genres of music, film, media and tv. Do you include all of those in the sex industry?

I think it is all part of the same continuum.

I guess people have their own "lines" of what is acceptable for a person to indulge in and what is not. Those "lines" based on personal and political ideation.

If you are clear on where your own boundaries lie, you are then free to decide whether you want someone to share your life who has very different boundaries to your own.

Which brings us back to the point of the Op

I've just watched Table dancing diaries on BBC3 (it's on iplayer) if that's what goes on in well run, strictly regulated clubs run by women , I dread to think what happens in the seedy clubs.

One of the dancers, completely naked, less than 18 inches away from a man's face with her legs wide open facing him and bum in the air, facing away, for £20 grim, just grim.
Strange how it was all young men on camera, the married older ones probably didn't want to be filmed, I wonder why?
DH watched about 10 minutes with me before declaring it horrible, he said he wouldn't go into one if they paid him let alone the other way around.
I gave a very hollow laugh when the manager said that the most important thing about a lap dancer was her ..... dress (really).

"No, don't take your dress off and jiggle your tits and arse love, your dress is too nice to get creased" Yes, that must happen regularly.

*I guess people have their own "lines" of what is acceptable for a person to indulge in and what is not. Those "lines" based on personal and political ideation.

If you are clear on where your own boundaries lie, you are then free to decide whether you want someone to share your life who has very different boundaries to your own.*

I agree with that completely.

There ya go then