about lapdancing clubs (yes that old chestnut again)

[whomovedmyblackberry]

Dh is going out with an old friend who has a 'reputation', on Saturday night.
I said 'oh I hope you won't go to any lapdancing clubs'. Dh then got a little defensive and ended up saying that he won't be dictated to, and I cannot impose my morality on him. He did say that it wouldn't be in his plans but he wasn't morally against it and would go if someone else wanted to etc.

I said that in a marriage you have to respect the other person's moral stance and feelings to which he said if he asked me to stop eating meat would I (he's veggie).
I don't think it's really the same.

As background he doesn't show any interest sexually in me, hence me feeling especially shirty about lapdancing clubs.

PMSL I thought Shane McGowan had wondered into the forum and started slurring for a moment there

nah, it's Frank Gallagher in a frock

What the fuck are you taking about have yu actally been in a strip club

Like anything you can got to a normal strip club or a seedy one

Yonks agao went to newquay went into strip club

All were girls from London I sure their are seedy ones

But your basically implying its ok for women but not for men

SO do as I say not as I do

put

the

glass

down

< ducks >

I have no clue what your on about you keep taking about gin

So I guess your a acholcolic well your on the wrong thread their one for addictions

Its nay gin- its buckfast (or kestrel extra strong)

Not posted about this specifically no Anyfucker.

I do not see it as the same thing as eating meat when his objection to that is not truly moral but he simply doesn't like meat! Even if it were moral I dont keep it a secret and he is fine with ds eating meat.

Lap dancing clubs tread a fine line...of course going to one is not infidelity but they are a bit disrespectful to one's partner I think.

remember that pint of water before you crash out retire to bed, won't you

I would not give a shit if dh went to one...I am an adult and not controlled by insecure feelings of actually I don't know...what do you think is going to happen there? The girls aren't prostitutes so he won't sleep with them, so at the most he is going to admire a pair of tits ! have you seen the music channels these days?

so, he has made his decision, then ?

and showed you what sort of man he is

what you do with that info is entirely up to you

I wouldn't recommend the maypole school of thought, though

Even the "Classy" clubs are seedy MAypole. As I said above, we know someone who worked in a club that was part of a well known chain and yes, there were women there who didnt want to be. they had to perform extras, there was alot of illegal activity that the management knew about and ignored.

If your view is based on one visit to a Cornwall strip club and seeing the Dreamboys then I think I can safely ignore you talking bollocks

Just out of interest OP

Has he changed his opinion on Lap dancing clubs since you married?

I mean before you married, would he never enter one?

Diamond White, I reckon

or poteen

I don't have a problem with lap dancing clubs. But then I trust my husband and know that lap dancing clubs aren't his bag anyway. I have probably been in more than he has.

Have you ever actually been in one? They aren't that bad you know.

Going in one is not being unfaithful, and you shouldn't impose your views on to him by saying you think it's disrespectful. That is like emotional blackmail. He can go into a lap dancing club and it will not affect how he feels about you, he won't walk in through the door and suddenly lose respect for you. You are trying to control him, and it sounds like there are much bigger issues in this marriage than one person maybe going to a bar where there are a few women that will let you look at them naked if you pay them a few quid.

I don't want to be nosy, and I don't want you to go into any detail if you don't want to, but how are things generally between you? Because it sounds like he is being deliberately awkward and trying to be hurtful.

I simply could not share my life with a man who disrespected me, and women in general, like that

it is anathema to me

Totally agree with AF.

Apart from the diamond white comment, it'll be one of those 3 litres of cider for 10p jobs

He's technically right - you 'imposing' your views on him in this way is exactly the same as him telling you not to eat meat.

You can't force him not to go to lap dancing clubs. BUT - and it's a bloody huge 'but' with bells hanging off it - you shouldn't have to. If they're not against his principles, he's basically saying he's okay with women being expolited for men's titillation. That isn't a view you should have to respect.

I'd love to go to a lapdancing club with my boyfriend. We'd have some pretty sizzling sex after.

I'm willing to bet a lot of you are quite kinky if you wanted to admit it :P

I shall say... ex fiance... a club called 'Xtasia'.... and a slutty dress not unlike the safety pin job a la Liz Hurley....

;)

Boom, it's possible to be "quite kinky" without buying into the objectification of women and girls

Educate yourself

Boomerwang - what fucking point are you trying to make there, dear?

Or are you just showing off because you have sex?

It's not about imposing your morality though it's about being respected by your dp. I've told dh I find it disrespectful for him to have some girl in not many clothes rubbing herself all over him. I'd feel the same if he went out clubbing and some girl in the club rubbed herself all over him.
I don't agree with ld for many reasons but surely amloving partner could understand that even if he or she doesn't quite 'believe' in the sex trafficking, pimping part of it.

Funny how it's always the same eejits posters with ill-informed or unpleasant views that rock up on these threads.

Why would your dh and this lovely friend of his go to a lapdancing club anyway?

My dh and friends went to one on a stag weekend years ago. I wasn't impressed, but it's not something I've lost any sleep over. I know it would be the end of the world for some, for me it was 'You lame fucking wankers'.

However if it was some kind of semi regular jolly - NO FUCKING WAY.

I always think of those girls in The Sopranos when I think of lapdancers. Vulnerable, damaged women with little or no other options, more often than not subjected to violence and forced into doing 'extras' (yes it's a TV show, but the truth is damn close).

Could you not create a bit of lapdancing atmosphere at home for him and then you might solve the sex issue .

Lapdancing clubs are not exactly my cup of tea although i've never been in one i don't even know where one exists.

Should they be banned/outlawed? I just don't know enough to comment on that.

But telling your OH how they should behave is controlling unless of course what they are doing is illegal.

You can explain why they make you uncomfortable and why you would prefer for him not to go and take it from there.

Some women just don't like their men looking at other women I know some women who monitor what's on tv and grumble if their OH even suggests an actress is attractive.

On the other hand watching a stranger perform in a sexual manner in front of you for money is cringeworthy.

Just my opinion of course.