about lapdancing clubs (yes that old chestnut again)

[whomovedmyblackberry]

Dh is going out with an old friend who has a 'reputation', on Saturday night.
I said 'oh I hope you won't go to any lapdancing clubs'. Dh then got a little defensive and ended up saying that he won't be dictated to, and I cannot impose my morality on him. He did say that it wouldn't be in his plans but he wasn't morally against it and would go if someone else wanted to etc.

I said that in a marriage you have to respect the other person's moral stance and feelings to which he said if he asked me to stop eating meat would I (he's veggie).
I don't think it's really the same.

As background he doesn't show any interest sexually in me, hence me feeling especially shirty about lapdancing clubs.

Ignoring your sarcastic reply to what (I believe) was a fair point I made Artex

You can't fix every single problem in the world right here right now. But taking a stand on not being party to the buying and selling of women's bodies and the mcdonaldsisation of sex is a really good (and easy!) starting point.

No-one is suggesting anyone can fix every single problem in the world right here and now (quite obviously of course) but taking a stand on not buying cheap clothes, shoes, handbags etc is also taking an easy stand on not being party to the exploitation of women and children...no?

So why do some people become so moralistic about lap dancing clubs, but not about cheap clothing etc?

I agree artex

the bloke here sounds like a weak man who is easily-led by his dubious mates

it's best if you grow out of that by the age of 14yo

if you want mutually respectful relationships with the opposite sex, that is

Worra why don't you start a thread about your moral stance against labour that produces cheap handbags and clothes ?

I am sure you will get plenty of agreement and acknowledgement of your point where it is actually relevant

Thanks for the suggestion AnyFucker but I would rather to continue my participation in this thread.

It makes more sense to stay here, given the fact I'm asking why some people are more worried/only worried about human exploitation when it comes to the sex industry and lap dancing clubs etc.

Artex that's a fair point that 'no-one needs to go to a lap dancing club but they do need clothes'

However, if someone is so concerned about human exploitation to the extent where they are willing to 'ban' their spouse from going to a lap dancing club...should they not then 'ban' them from buying certain items of clothing they don't need. Like unethically sourced handbags/wallets/a pair of shoes just because they like them/a pair of trainers because they're fashionable?

I care about cheap clothing to the extent where I wouldn't buy it if I knew there was definite exploitation.

I care about trafficked/exploted women and wouldn't go near a club if I knew it was going on.

But what I would not do, is assume it was going on (when I had no real idea) 'ban' another adult from going to that club and hide behind the guise of 'concern for human exploitation'....whilst checking out Ebay for cheap Radley handbags.

That would make me a hypocrite.

I'd have far more respect for myself if I were to admit that lap dancing clubs make me jealous and insecure (if indeed they did) instead of claiming a moral high ground that I only applied to something in order to control my DH.

artex beat me to it, worra

I know quite a lot of rather poor people

they have no choice whether to shop at Primark (or the equivalent) or not

they can't afford your kind of principles, like they could never afford to use the dubious services of lap dancing clubs

so your point is moot, really

and I have never "banned" my husband from doing anything, as the more sensible posters on here have said time and time again

My point is only moot if the same people claiming they don't want their DH's in these clubs due to exploitation, don't buy cheap items they and their children don't need

People don't need more than 2 pairs of shoes, they don't need handbags and they don't need a lot of the cheap ornaments adoring their homes.

The trouble is, a lot of people will only look for possible exploitation...or assume it's going on without even checking, because it suits their agenda.

worra, if you partner uses lapdancing clubs, why don't you just say?

you are spouting the same kind of ridiculous arguments as the OP's partner to justify the unjustifiable

you want the naysayers to come clean about their alleged "jealousy" ?

why don't you come clean about your partner's (or your own) use of sex industry establishments ?

I'm quite happy to talk about mine and my DH's use of porn AF

We use it both together and separately...I've made no secret of that on MN

If either I or my DH used Lap dancing clubs either together or separately, I would be quite happy to discuss that too.

I don't want the 'naysayers' as you put it to 'come clean' about anything as what they choose to divulge on this forum is up to them.

But as I say, I do wonder if those who are actually jealous/insecure would rather hide behind a stance of 'human exploitation' because it suits their agendas.

That's about as clear as I can put my point of view across really.

I would not be married to a man who thought going to a LD club was a good night out.

The reason? If he thought it was ok to be in the same building as exploited, half naked women, I would think he was a complete, entitled knobber and would lose all respect for him as a husband and father.

There is nothing "controlling" about telling your husband this is unacceptable. Honestly would posters also think it was too controlling to disapprove of their husbands using prostitues?

Yes of course it's fair play Artex if that's how you feel.

No-one on MN or any other discussion forum should feel unable to put their POV across no matter how popular/unpopular they feel it is.

We know where are now, don't we worra ?

Every woman on here who is struggling with their partners porn use/visits to sex establishments can see that your posts come from a place of justifying the sex industry, because you and your partner are a user of it

and they can judge the relevance and usefulness of your comments appropriately

of course we know not every woman struggles with it...some embrace it, like yourself

but those that don't, can swerve you and others like you

all helpful information to have

Of course AF (although I don't understand the first line of your post)

It's every poster's right to swerve anyone whose opinions/points of view they disagree with.

Equally, it's every poster's right to judge the relevance and usefulness of anyone's comments.

Surely that goes without saying?

where we are

Massive apologies for missing that most crucial word out, it must have been so hard to understand my whole point without it

You should change your name to SarcasticFucker....you're making this conversation quite hard work

I of course noticed (and ignored) the typo, but I don't understand what you mean by "We know where we are now Worra"?

Who is the 'we' you are referring to? You and I?

If you mean we know where we are because you have one point of view and I have another, then yes I suppose we know where we are.

If that's not what you mean then I haven't a clue?

Unless you're insinuating that your opinion is somehow more valid than mine on this thread?

where we all are

the collective we

when people seek advice on here, particularly about sensitive subjects, it helps if it is clear why someone's agenda is to tell you that what your partner is proposing is absolutely fine, and that your objections are invalid

it's not a dfficult concept

oops

difficult

and let's not forget, the OP's partner shows no interest in her sexually, preferring in fact to become a consumer of the sex industry

or have we lost sight of that ?

I see, but that goes without saying surely?

I mean I could say to you 'we know where we all are' because you don't like the industry?

It just seems a bit like pointing blindly to the obvious I suppose?

Anyway, as interesting as our chat has been. I feel a bit bad that we seem to have taken over the OP's thread with it, so rather than go round in circles I think we've probably come as far as we can in swapping our POV with one another.

If that sounds passive agressive (and it does a bit) it's not meant to.

I do honestly enjoy reading how other people see things.

why do you keep writing "that goes without saying" ?

you have enough to say on the matter, as do I

except your use of "that goes without saying" looks more like an attempt to shut others down

It's not an attempt at all to shut anyone down...on the contrary that's not my style.

I enjoy reading other people's POV whether I agree with them or not.

If I were the hissy type that tried to shut people down, I wouldn't be on a discussion forum.

There are many people here who will use blatant sarcasm, tell people to 'fuck off' rather than hold a discussion, take it as a personal slight when others don't agree with them.

But you'll find on the whole, I'm not one of them.

Right! No more taking over the OP's thread. It's about her and her OH not you and I

I apologise for returning to this thread so long after my initial post but in response to those who addressed my comments I wasn't trying to show off about how much sex I was having or how kinky I am, I was basically showing my position on the subject, just in a crap way I suppose.

I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend went to a lapdancing club whether or not he told me about it. I have no experience of nor any knowledge of what happens in such clubs and I haven't ever looked into the sex trade in detail, but at the time I posted, the thread was not that far along and the issue of women being seen as objects hadn't come up in force by that point.

I guess the issue was about the OP's partner wanting to go despite the OP's disapproval and subsequently the OP felt disrespected as a woman and as a partner (please correct me if I'm wrong). Something about the response from OP's OH made me wonder if he'd had his argument ready and therefore was directly challenging the OP.

If that was the case indeed, then it's either because he knew the OP was against lapdancing clubs in particular and had decided he didn't care what his OH thought or because the OP has had form for being jealous of other women in the past.