to love this put down.....

[boohoobabywho]

'there are sensors in my car that have more sense than you'

whats your favourite (none offensive) put down?

You're such a cunt, even your goldfish wants you dead.

I once used a line from the West Wing in a bar. Guy was chatting me up and wouldn't leave me alone.
"Please don't talk to me"
"Just let me buy you a drink"
"Please don't talk to me"
"Jesus, what's wrong with YOU?"
"I have wit, I have charm, I have brains, I have legs that go all the way down to the floor. I have everything I need (I inserted that bit because he looked a bit lost). Don't talk to me"

I am never normally that ballsy, I don't know what came over me. But it felt SO good.

It's childish, but

"yer maw's got baws and yer da loves it"

never fails to raise a smile. The Glaswegians have all the best insults.

"I'd call you a cunt, but you lack the warmth and depth"

Read it somewhere, but (fortunately, I suppose) have never had cause to use it irl.

Worrability I burst out laughing.

I love that!

I think my goldfish has a secret Facebook account cos he's been planking for the last few weeks

Gene Police! You - out of the pool!

Only works in writing though.

Jux that's a good one (laughing)

"Anderson, don't talk out loud, you lower the IQ of the entire street."

Sherlock.

Should have credited that, Goingforgoalweight, it's Charles Stross.

I have a similar one Jux - "he should never be allowed in the gene pool, not even in the shallow end for a paddle".

Only ever used once and he totally had it coming to him, twunt. "You are the reason abortion is legal"

NoIWon'tTellYouWhatHeDidButIHopeHeRotsInPrisonForEverTiggaxx

Another Sherlock one:

"Intellegent is fine, but let's give "smart arse" a wide berthm shall we?"

"Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're a cunt."

(seen on a greetings card years ago)

Marking place for future argument inspiration!

worraliberty that is awesome and lifechanger you may just have given me the incentive I need to loose weight and smartner up my appearance, as I now really really really want to get chatted up in a bar by some sleazy git just so I can use that line

dawntigga, why do you do that at the end of every post?

ive got one, thought i saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day, i looked closer but it said thick cut.

smartner I clearly mean smarten prentends to have an ipad with an overactive autocorrect function

Actually if I were saying it to someone, I'd probably say it as "Jesus loves you. Somebody has to."

ps Leave dawntigga alone, her signatures are justly famous.

I wasn't being mean, genuinely curious

Because it's funny

LovesTiggasfunnysignoffsNinjax

i got touched up by an aquaintance.... and said..

'Oh Martin! I thought i'd got lucky, but then i looked and realised it was just you!'

I'm not clever enough to come up with a witty put-down, but love DawnTigga's amusing sign offs and am marking my place for future killer phrases

I heard this one on a train at the weekend (long ish journey, adult family having a seething argument for quite a lot of it)

oh would you just go and slap an HRT patch on.