to love this put down.....

[boohoobabywho]

'there are sensors in my car that have more sense than you'

whats your favourite (none offensive) put down?

It's rare that the right line comes to me at the time, but many, many years ago I was at uni, first night, fresher but not as green as some. Yr 3 Rugger bugger type comes up to me at the bar and gets his knob out. "Buy us a pint will ya?" he said, waggling it about in the hope of shocking me.

Me: "I would, but that's not even worth a half."

I used the funniest put town ever. And i thought it up myself. I was so proud of it. In the middle of argument with superior tosser.

'god help me, i am in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'

MrsPotter it came as a reaction to another forum where people sign off with things like

Mother to Sky 29, Willow 19 and Fred 12 all still breastfed, new lentil weaves can be viewed at my blog.

IStartedSigningOffLikeThisAndItKindOfStuckTiggaxx

There's one I heard on Mumsnet - poster used it as her Username:

I'veGottTghtsOlderThanYouLove

I'veGotTightsOlderThanYouLove

Smarmy git sidles up to girl in bar (why do they always sidle?)

"Hello gorgeous, how d'you like your eggs in the morning then?"

"Preferably unfertilized"

<span class="italic">To charmless oik who thinks he's gods gift</span> 

 "Hope you got a refund from the charm school ?"  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love the Sherlock ones!

"It's not my fault you were born in Year of the Cunt"

In storage - Not used yet!

You've got more chance of pissing in the Queen's handbag.

Oh, I'm sorry, you've got me confused with someone who gives a damn!

When I was a teenager some twunt shouted across the bar at my local cricket club (in front of my dad BTW) "Oi HappyHippyChick wanna sit on my face?" to which I had courtesy of my friend the perfect come back "why is your nose bigger than your dick then?"

He was crushed my dad was v proud I got a round of applause!

"You light up the room. When you leave it"

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it"

LOL at worra!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pag I have a mug with 'I will not enter into a battle of wits with the unarmed' on it.

WorraLiberty

If I was your Mother I would have swallowed you instead!! Gross but said from a friend to a t**t at work lol

Years ago ex SIL once asked an annoying man in a bar "Tell me, do you have a village all your own, or do you have to share it with another idiot"?

Not in the spirit of this thread, but

oh would you just go and slap an HRT patch on.

is just awful - yet another way to dismiss a woman's views, marvellous

Interjecting a diatribe with 'Oh my god are you still talking?
(often used with DH)

moosemurphy, it's a bloody good one if used from a woman to a man though

That was a little below the belt. I'm sure today can't be the first time a woman has said that to you.

"I'm sorry - I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

"I don't date outside my species".

Have used both. The first one nearly got me punched (so I was definitely right about him!) and the moron sex pest man in the bar chatting me up didn't understand the second one! But his friends laughed...

"Are you thick as well as stupid?"

Heard on Vic and Bob.... never used, but it always makes me laugh to think of saying it!

I once saw a birthday card that said "In dog years you're dead"