to love this put down.....

[boohoobabywho]

'there are sensors in my car that have more sense than you'

whats your favourite (none offensive) put down?

My mums fave--"If you had a brain you would be dangerous"

My favourite-- " You can't polish a turd"

were you born stupid or was it a gift?

What are you going to do for a face when Quasimodo wants his arse back?

You make Moby Dick look like a Tic Tac

It's not my fault you were born in the year of the cunt

Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought East Enders was starting

yer mum

There was a twat in work who was always in with his "hipster" thing. "Oooh, you won't have heard of [band], they're really trendy". Repeat ad nauseum.

Setup: I'm listening to music in the break room. I'm in a really foul mood. He comes in. Conversation is as follows.

"Jesus, what the hell is that?! That song is soooo old!"
"So's your mother, but I'm betting you still listen to her."
"[cough cough splutter irritated noises]"
"Like that vest. Did she pick it out for you? Or are you a big boy now who does your own shopping?"
"[cough cough splutter irritated noises]"
"Pity it comes in Boy's sizes only, my Nan would love it."
"[cough cough splutter irritated noises]"
[storms out]

I can be very biting and sarcastic when caught in a bad mood. DP has learnt to avoid me.

Best written down: You cannot imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Whoever who told you to just be yourself, couldn't have given you worse advice.....

Worra, the version I heard was "Whoever told you to just be yourself obviously doesnt know you very well" :o

Bogey

I also love "Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be out on its own"

How many Australians/Chinese/Americans (anywhere a looooong way away) does it take to change a light bulb?

You dont know? Why dont you fuck off there and find out?

Oh and an old favourite "Are you from Newark?"

PMSL at this thread.

Love HappyHippyChick's one. Brilliant. No wonder your dad was proud.

"oh sorry you seem to be confusing with me with someone who gives a shit..."

When a very persistent work colleague waved (plastic) mistletoe over my head at the works Xmas do, and then moved in for the lip action, "No thanks, I'd rather be shot than poisoned"

"I love what you've done with your hair. How did you manage to get it to come out of one nostril like that?"

THe bitchiest one I heard was courtesy of my sister and was so subtle that the victim didnt get it!

"That dress is very original. I cant think of anyone else who could wear it quite like you do."

"I've met your type before but I had to pay an admission fee"

boysboysboys - I'm currently going, "bom. bom. bombombombom" in my head

'You are a syphilitic lesion on the scrotum of society,' was one I saw on here once. I can't remember who said it, but I love it. I'm dying for the opportunity to use it in RL

You can't polish a shite

Your wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead....