Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

oooo I remember that thread!

I remember thinking you were behaving like a monumental twat & my opinion hasn't changed.

I wonder if anyone reading this is getting a buzz off of riling up the SN posters today (I agree with you Fanjo).

Just a thought.

yes Pinot, I will join you in a

erm... is this the same poster only i notice one is called

roseability and the other Roseability?

OP I wouldn't post on many of the forums here, or anywhere on the net if I was feeling vulnerable, for the very reasons you describe. The internet is the perfect breeding ground for people who feel impotent in RL but vent like crazy online because they can hide. Though I find most people on MN are extremely helpful and have good intentions, it only takes one comment to wound if you are already down.

But honestly, the important thing here is your real life, your family and your child. It's not a thread on MN.

oh that's good to know about the capitals thing - thanks MaryZ.

As you were, OP.

I have only had time to read a bit of the thread at the beginning. It looks like you had good reason to think that your DS was wrongly being flagged up as having possibly ASD. You then came on here to voice your - understandable - frustrations, and implored to listen to the professionals rather than your own instincts.

I can see why you got pissed off but this is the way of MN.

My advice is to post your darkest fears/anxieties/worries on AIBU - each time in a newbie name - and sit back and wait for the attack. It toughens one up very quickly

Yeah Fanjo, we are wise innit

wise and battle hardened maybe

OP, I've got say that you got VERY snippy and rude very quickly on your original thread - of course, you were upset and stressed, but you took it out on the MN jury, and I'm afraid that once you rub certain posters up the wrong way, then you're in for it.

In future, try to be more measured in your own approach and then you won't have so many people being reactionary.

Glad your DS is fine.

hmm I sense a bit more of SN poster winding up, Pinot

yes MN jury etc are things used to put MN SN posters down.

Often me, as it happens.

I didnt even post on the thread in question either

true about the capitals thing, I namechanged the other day for a laugh and when I changed back I looked like this :-

offdownthegardentoeatworms

had to fix it quick before Chaos saw me

I think you may be right Fanjo, wish I hadn't bothered with my kind and sensible post if that's the case.

Sorry maryz I must have missed that episode with chaos what exactly have I "escaped" ?

NoCaptialsInYourNameHobNobs GetsChaosTetchy

OP i think you need to take a deep breath and look inside yourself - whatever anyone else has/is/will do wrong - you:

were angry with the school
angry with you old posters
now a year later you are still angry with them
angry with posters again

you are only hurting yourself here.

OP Welcome back :)

Ignore comments, have your say, leave it there. The internet is sometimes used by people 'to vent' their anger anon. In reality they might be unhappy and trodden on. Bear that in mind.

Blimey I only got throught the first page and the OP was already really annoyed at everyone.

The OP had barely any info in it and people just seemed to be saying it was worth getting things checked out.

This was met with a lot of hostility and i had to check that I hadnt skipped a page.

Sorry if you got really trashed later on but you seem to be quite erm 'sparky' OP.

Glad your son is ok though. Must be a huge relief that you were right all along.

Good to hear you dont care so much about the original thread as well. Phew.

Blimey OP, I'm afraid I think you're being unreasonable. I've read the first 5 pages of your original thread, and you seemed incredibly emotional and upset (understandable), and exceptionally defensive. Lots of posters gave you well thought out and personal advice, which you threw back in their faces with prickly hostility. All people were suggesting, in fairly gentle terms, was that if the nursery had raised concerns then it would be a good idea to take that on board. You reacted to that suggestion with increasingly irate denial.

I don't know how much it kicked off after page 5 (I might read the rest when I can bear it), but I'd have to have some sympathy with people getting impatient and a bit brutal with you - you were utterly refusing to take on board the good advice given to you (which you'd asked for!), and accusing people of all sorts of nastiness that just wasn't intended.

The fact that you are still of the same opinion a year later, rather than having the self awareness to read the thread through and think 'hmm, I can see how that all went pear-shaped - my extreme distress was making me rather unreasonable and people reacted to my tone and content', has me thinking that there's more going on with you, tbh.

I'll read the later pages and see if people really were genuinely horrible, but certainly the points at which you complained of being flamed were completely unwarranted; and I am frequently appalled and really annoyed at how fucking rude and mean people sometimes are on here.