Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

Glad things are ok with your son now, but oh my goodness, if comments on an internet forum bother you AT ALL it's probably time to get a different hobby. If they bother you after a year...I don't know. Do you have problems with your self esteem or something? Because I genuinely find that quite worrying.

I remember that thread, though I didn't post on it. It turned into a bit of a mess but I thought it started off with some people coming on and giving some excellent insights into what had happened to them regarding their own children. I think to be honest that you were hoping for different responses from the ones you got.

Then you thought you were being flamed when you really weren't, but you and everyone else got more and more angry and frustrated with the whole affair and then it got quite sweary and then it finally turned into a proper bunfight.

I don't think that you can say that the way that thread turned out was solely down to what other posters wrote. I think some people posted in anger which is wrong, but also I think your responses from quite early on were argumentative.

I have been in your situation with my own son. His teacher was absolutely adamant that he had autism and would never manage in school without either one to one support or being moved to a special autism unit. I can entirely understand how distressed you must have felt at the time, and how people on a forum trying to convince you that you were in denial must have added to your distress.

But I will say, in MN's defence, that I posted about my son's situation on here in the special needs section. It wasn't at the time, as I didn't know of MN then, but a while later after I had moved him to another school. They were extremely supportive, despite many of them having children with autism themselves and having to battle for help that seemed to be being thrown at my son when I didn't want it. I am very grateful for how understanding posters were. And DS is fine now - in secondary school, predicted A* in many subjects at GCSE, but still a little bit shy, a little bit anxious and a little bit different but happy. And the school just accommodates that wonderfully, without ever claiming it is a bigger deal than it is.

I think the reason you got the response you did was because the situation of having a child treated as if they have SN when they don't is far rarer than the number of people fighting for support for their kids which they don't get.

i didn't post on the original thread.

But seriously, stirring the shit much?

Yeah, see, this is weird. Why bring it up a year later? Why are you still bothered by a thread on the internet? I only read the opening page, and tbh the only person I saw getting wound up was you OP. Everyone else seemed to be trying to help.

Glad things turned out the way you wanted

regarding that thread, looking at it for the first time, you seemed to be spoiling for a fight somewhat and very agrieved that people didn;t respond with a resounding 'no YANBU' - if you don't want opinions don't ask

and waht Vallium said about bridges x

I've just read the first three pages of your previous thread - IMO all the posters (up to that point) we're offering you genuine advice based on their experience. Several times you comment that they are upsetting you, but tbh I can't see why.....If you were really insulted further down the post then I'm sorry, that's horrible, but sadly from time to time is part and parcel of posting on a public forum.

Time to let it go OP. I've been using MN (under a different name) for several years and have often found it a source of help and good humour.

I wasn't around a year ago, but a year is a long time to nurse a grudge about this.

What resolution to the situation would you like to achieve through this thread?

I too have had a look at the old thread - I don't really get why you started this one!

I think you have over reacted and should let it go.

I'm a newbie and I've already upset a good few people ^^ I can see that people are very protective of their views and quite outspoken about those of others which makes a forum great to read but not the place to go if you only want to hear one thing.

I agree that you have to grow a pretty thick skin to filter out some of the hurtful stuff you come across on forums. Face to face(s) you don't often have the same conversations with so many people at once - ponder on what they would think but not say out loud to you and decide which method of information gathering you would prefer.

Rose Your responses so far on this thread are very similar to on the original thread. If someone disagrees with you, you use quite confrontational, curt replies. This frustrates people and means you then get angry/frustrated responses back. Its a vicious circle and it means that with your posting style you have a much greater chance of a thread turning aggressive and unfriendly.

oh dear, I have a sense of de ja vous, and I wasn't on the original thread, and I still have de ja vous

Just had look at first page and to be fair
You were Hella upset before the first page was over! Most posters were offering their experiences and trying to offer help and support and you took offence where non was intended!

I think this thread is quite ill thought out

Glad is all ok with your DS.

However, just quickly looked at the original thread....you were very angry and defensive from the start and totally unprepared to take any advice given and I would say that your posts were far more negative than anyone elses.

Let it go, alls well that ends well and all that!

pah why don't they let you edit?

I wanted to add that if people actually make abusive comments towards you as a person then you know it's not worth replying to them.

Boomerwang, people weren't just being touchy to be offended by your horrible views, you are acting all innocent as if you had just said you didn't like sugar in your coffee and people got upset.

See the thing is with mumsnetters (myself included, i'm a cunt ) is that as soon as OP takes offense at something and gets all snarky (in your case you didnt take to kindly to being called 'love') they will tell you that you are being unreasonable and they wont sugar coat it.

Try Netmums next time.

OP, in original thread you seemed to come on here asking questions but didn't really want any feedback, then get all high and mighty if someone suggests anything different to what you want to hear.

Now, you're doing it again!

Wouldn't like to be a patient on your ward

I'm glad about DS is doing well too.

And I think it is brave to come back and admit that the nursery worker was right all along. She wasn't an expert, and didn't use the right terms, but she was spot on that there was something wrong beyond the normal settling in problems. And that they were issues that had not been picked up in the home and other environments. To admit that takes guts.

Did you also find resolution with the nursery about the manner and circumstances in which she raised the concerns.

Ooh, I'm on that thread. But I am a cow it's true.

You were clearly and understandably feeling very sensitive.

But you did react really badly to people who were trying to help you and share their experience.

And this thread is not a good idea.

You are overthinking this. This is an internet form full of (mostly) strangers, they don't really have your child's vested interests at heart in the same way that you do.

If you ask for advice, that's what you'll get, in all shapes and sizes.

Keep away from forums if they upset you, I would. I would hate it if people really took my words to heart (mainly because I spout shite 9/10).

You following me around, fanjo? :P I didn't say 'touchy' either.

OP, you got tons of replies, but did you get what you wanted?

If you talk to people like shit then it's likely that people will respond in kind.

Sorry, I think from the first 20 posts (I didn't read any further) you are being oversensitive and you wantedpeople to say, "Hideous, how dare they suggest that about your DS!"