Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

Sorry Fanjo, are you still following me? You must be, since you haven't addressed the topic. Very cliquey here isn't it?

OP, I didn't read your thread, which is why I haven't mentioned anything you've said or not said which warranted responses you didn't like, but I do agree that some posters can be pretty vociferous and get downright abusive when they read something they don't like. It's upsetting when you want real advice, but it is a risk you take, especially if you open up your heart to anyone.

Gosh OP you are a right pain in that thread!

I can't believe you dragged the old thread up again and humiliated yourself in front of a new audience.
The only aggressive person is you. Everyone else was empathetic, helpful and determined to help.

I can't really see anything wrong with the thread. You were defensive, other posters got defensive and that's all i can see

It's an upsetting time if your child has problems and developmental delays but I think parents who have been through that KNOW it is better to accept it sooner rather than later and I think that's all that was being said. Also though, I think it is hurtful to parents of those with SN when someone is vehemently aghast that their child might be like yours, because you love your child despite their problems.

Maryz - i don't dislike you. i actually find a lot of your posts helpful and insightful. however on that thread, your assertion that 'you felt sorry for my ds' really hurt

but there was worse and emotions maybe got a bit high

as for calling me a monumental twat, it just about sums up the nasty pieces of work there are on here

Oh and i don't need help thank you. i have often challenged some of the bullying attitudes on here

i was a distressed mum. not because i think asd is a terrible affliction, but because i always worry about ds.

and in no shape or form do i ever expect people to agree. i actually learnt some very insightgul things on that thread. i was wrong about some things for sure

as for needing help. i would suggest those that come on here to goad and name call need help

yes some posted very helpfully and my posts came across as defensive. i am so very sorry if i hurt anyone. that would never be my intention

MaryZ..hear hear

Op , get over it ,it makes you look a bit deranged dragging it back up

HTH

Look, you need to all be careful because in 12 months time there will be another thread linking to this one.

I can barely remember what I posted last week ,let alone last year

I've read bits of the other thread and tbf you started it people were offering supportive guidance and help.

This thread is pretty much just you coming back to say 'hah I was right you were wrong'

Hope you feel better

Lol at Boomerwanger or whatever having not read the other thread and still talking and advising and accusing people of being cliquey

it's such a shame troll hunting isn't allowed on MN

Its alright op you were obviously very upset by that thread.

Thing is, it was silly to post it.

I believe it was one of those situations where you actually have to know your son to understand.

That is not (in any way the fault of the posters) who tried to help and got it wrong

With the info they had, they tried to offer help.

obviously as Mum you knew more/better.

Sometimes the internet is not the place to go.

BTW... I can also understand why you decided to come back and say you were right... I wouldn't post it, but I'd be thinking about it for ages too

Last time you asked for advice/help but 'knew better' and displayed this in a very rude way IMO. You didn't seem to have a grip of the fact that it was a suggestion by the nursery worker, and seemed to take it personally. Then you took it personally on the thread after being rude, abrupt and dismissive. Now you're back, STILL taking it personally. A YEAR later. Either grow up or seek help for whatever issues you have, whichever the problem is.

:(

I have read the whole of the previous thread and think you were terribly ungrateful for the huge amount of sympathy/empathy and practical advice you got on the original thread; and you really ought to re-evaluate the way you reacted then and are still reacting now! Yabu, I'm afraid, there is no other way to dress it up, very unreasonable indeed.

mmm hmm :)

I can give my point of view on the things I do know about or have experience with so I addressed the part of the OP's post that I could respond to. What's wrong with that?

As for troll hunting, that's a laugh because I'm responding to the actual subject matter and not bouncing around threads ignoring the issues raised and just going for the jugular of one or two posters.

"As for troll hunting, that's a laugh because I'm responding to the actual subject matter and not bouncing around threads ignoring the issues raised and just going for the jugular of one or two posters."

But that is EXACTLY what you are doing..

Just read the first few pages of your link. I think that several posters with personal experience of having children diagnosed as being on the spectrum responded to your thread by saying keep an open mind - just because the woman dealt with it in an unprofessional way doesn't mean that it's not worth checking out her concerns.

You responded by suggesting that he coundn't be on the spectrum because he didn't meet one or two very narrow criteria and were angry with anyone for even suggesting that he might be, taking it as some kind of insult to your judgement or parenting - even though posters said they themselves had dismissed the concerns of others regarding their children and been shocked when people suggested it to them. People calmly tried to give you the benefit of their experiences whilst you got more and more defensive.

I didn't read the rest, and I'm sure you did get some abuse, but you started that thread wanting one response and got arsey with anyone who didn't agree with you.

Is that better ?