Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

All I meant by that was that at the time op posted the nursery had only seemed to suggest the possibility of it and asked about being assessed...

At the point of original thread they had not
Diagnosed anything nor attempted to it would seem, or to treat the child differently. They had just observed a couple of things and approached the op

So at that point it didn't matter if ops DS has SN or not because the nursery was only doing what it thought was rigt and bring up the possibility iyswim.

nothing like just joining a forum and diving right in making snarky comments and controversial/offensive ones Boomerwang

Most people just say hello or join in some general chit chat first

Rose, I read up to page 7 of the thread, and up till that point you we're certainly the only aggressive, rude and sweary poster on it.

IMO everyone was trying to be being very patient, empathetic and supportive of you. You did not like the genuinely given advice which was predominantly to proceed with an assessment and it seemed to send you into a rage.

I can understand it was a very frustrating thread for you as you very strongly felt that assessment was not the correct course of action, but those offering that opinion were doing so in an attempt to be helpful and there was no rudeness or unkindness (up to page 7) from anyone but you.

I presume after page 7 peoples patience with you ran out and they got arsey back.

I think your reaction that thread were seriously OOT, and I think coming back a year later to drag it up again is seriously OOT.

I think you need to reflect on your easy trigger into anger, your perceptions about being picked on when your not and your inability to let these things go. Really I do.

are you the same poster? Why have you changed your name?

Good post from RaPaPum.

Kayano, yes, sorry I didn't intend to dispute what you were saying. It was more an attempt at elaborating on it.

I agree with people who have said the OP should consider her own self esteem. I think that having young children can have an impact on our self esteem, as we often feel we can't protect them as much as we feel we should be able to.

Often when something distressing happens we have the need to talk about it in great detail, and a counsellor can give the space to do that, without it being a suggestion that you need to change in any way. It could simply be a space to talk.

I'm glad your son is doing well rose, but I don't think starting this thread on this board was a good idea. You are most likely going to get a good flaming.

I think your best off asking for this to be deleted before it turns into another bun fight.

YABU to post back. If the first thread upset you so much, why hash it all up again? Mumsnet is a good resource but AIBU is not the place to go if all you want is tea and sympathy. And coming back a year later ... for what? An 'I told you so?' An apology?

Move on....

YABU

I am not going to re-read the thread, but I remember it very well.

Your tone was rude and condescending throughout, you had overstepped all normal processes by going to some 'contacts' you had somewhere IIRC and were altogether full of your own importance.

No-one on that thread wanted to do anything other than help you, and you threw it straight back in people's faces. And now you are doing the same all over again.
I am pleased that your son is ok, but please spare a thought for those whose DCs do have SN in whatever form.

Oh lord, I started to read it but it made my brain cry.

I posted in pretty reasonable terms.

MN is seriously weird today..this thread..lots of "new posters" on several threads calling people "man-haters", stirring and making "controversial" posts about SN etc...

Really Pag?

really?!

It's Friday the 13th Fanjo

Oh link to the nutty threads? I need distracting.

i think it must be that hobnobs...

Abird, it's just posts everywhere, or maybe it's just threads I have been on today

Kayano
Well , for me, I was pretty reasonable.
Is that better?

plus I dont think you'd enjoy being distracted by some of the nasty stuff i have seen today

99% of the original thread consists of good advice and shared experiences recounted in an attempt to help the OP.

I want her to come back and tell us what she makes of this

OP, I have had a read of your previous thread - only a couple of pages in admittedly, but you did get pretty arsey very quickly when other posters were trying to give you the benefit of their experience.

For instance coldtits gave you a kind and reasoned response based on her own experience and feeling that there was nothing wrong with her child, she added the term 'love' and you jumped all over her - most uncalled for.

And many of your early posts focused on how the nursery workers were treating you and what label they might apply to your child, - not about "hey I wonder if I'm missing something that they are picking up on? " which is the response I think some of the posters were hoping to see from you, that you weren't disregarding the nursery's observations out of handing and leaving your child without the help he may need.

I'm very glad for you that your child is doing well and the nursery's concerns appear to be unfounded.

It's high time you let this go, perhaps you could look at it afresh and accept that in the main no-one meant you any harm, just trying to point you in the right direction might there be a chance that your child had indeed needed special attention. Maybe this would be a good way to move on.

i really wish that i was in your position on the other thread op.i wish that school had recognised ds1 behaviours sooner.ds1 has just been referred,hes almost 11.
i think the school were fantastic,they did their job.they had concerns and they acted on them.

Well, having read through the thread you link, what I see is people at the start of it being sympathetic, trying to offer their experiences, giving well meant advice and being nice and you responding nastily to that, being snippy and rude and them responding to your tone. You decided right away that you were being 'flamed' - even though you were not, and you became defensive and then just plain rude.

Of course that got people's backs up. They'd responded to you kindly and helpfully.

And it is a year on and you come back to say that you are still angry over a situation that was created by you?