Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

My favourite colour is purple

Rose I don't know if it's true about the link between autism and bipolar/schizophrenia or not, but I was certainly tested for both as part of the diagnosis process for autism.

Toothpaste ain't so bad surely? Some of the others leave a bad taste in my mouth.

A newspaper. You'll have to excuse the spelling of the word 'red' in the question. It's not really a joke that's good written down.

TiggyD my father was a panda dentist. Maybe....

This is the best book ever about pandas and unravels so many conundrums and mysteries about them that are unknown even to the likes of David Attenborough.
A friend quoted from it so often, I had to buy it.
www.amazon.co.uk/Facts-about-Pandas-David-ODoherty/dp/0224086324/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326500722&sr=1-1

to be honest i think that the discussion around whether your reaction to what the nursery nurse told you is now by the by.
It is over and done with and you are now happy that your son is doing well.

I think the important thing here is that over a year on you still feel so desperately aggreived by the comments of anonymous women on a foru.

you can see why that isn't healthy? can't you?

Oh - not a sunburnt panda then?

They experimented with purple pandas during the 60s, but they didn't really work out. You'll find modern pandas are actually scientifically know as "Panda Classic".

Working9while5

You have actually articulated many of the feelings i had at the time. if maybe i could have put it into those words?

i lived through hell with severe mental illness in my family. was fostered and adopted because of it. how could i bear to see my ds go through something which may cause the same uncertainty and social exclusion issues?

i really didn't mean to hurt anyone

Kladdkaka, we have similar in our family. My cousin, who I grew up in the same house with and is like a brother to me, has AS and has had several breakdowns, his mental health is very poor. His mother is scathing of his inability to cope "he's 27 for God's sake". However, I think this reflects her mental health history (she has had several breakdowns and didn't really bond with him after birth, and of course back in the day, if he had an early diagnosis they would have blamed her for that unfortunately ). I think she just can't accept it and that guilt plays a part in that. It drives us all nuts of course (I can think this at home, not at work ).

I work with some amazing kids. I often think to myself that I would be so proud to have any of them as my child. Yet, when ds decided he was going to call all colours by the names of Thomas the Tank Engine instead of their colours, I had a total freak out. It's not because I disrespect AS or ASD, I don't.. but I wouldn't want it and have tremendous anxiety about it, because of how absolutely awful our society is in its failure to accept and enable these kids to flourish for who they are (and actually give them skills to deal with things when they can't instead of just ignoring it or writing them off).

I still twitch when I hear a drill, but we all have beautiful teeth.

Sunburnt panda? They're furry. How would you tell?

When do pandas go to the dentist?

Half past 2.

The sharp intakes of breath when they lean back against the sunlounger.

Bloody hell, Tiggy February of course - are you so stupid? When else would it be?

so then why start this thread now?

Whether it was your intention to cause offence and upset, you clearly did.

that thread was gone and forgotten by now, so why drag it up into the foreground?

You wated those who you had perhaps inadvertently upset, to apologise for being so?

Im sorry, i just don't get it

2.30, snirkle.

Noooo. two thirty (tooth hurty)

I'm pretty sure it was something to do with half past 2.

Oh! I get me now!

think we're all agreed - nothing is ever black and white apart from this thread and pandas.

Can I ask, Rose, do you feel happy now that he is developing well? Or do you continue to have worries?

Tbh reading the original thread, I think the nursery nurse was out of line on the basis of what she told you and I can see that might have triggered terrible fears in you about what might happen next which you would have wanted to just quash. Which explains the powder-keg reaction.

However, do you feel it is over now? Are you happy there are no concerns about your son? And have you had any support in dealing with your fears about mental illness/developmental difference? I think these are things worth pursuing with a counsellor. It is only this year, in my 30's, despite many years of therapy to deal with my father's alcoholism that I realised - totally accidentally - that I had been carrying other anxiety and worry unbeknownst to myself. It sounds like there is other stuff going on with you that has caused this thread issue to be so huge. Use this as a springboard to take action on that. As you probably know from the stately homes thread, overcoming your family of origin is a bit of a lifelong project..

Not Red Pandas though.