Justified anger at the posters who were rude and hurtful on a past thread

[Roseability]

I haven't posted on Mumsnet for nearly a year and I am posting in this section, well because I suspect it is one of the most popular and I am hoping certain posters will read it

Just under a year ago, I posted about my ds (link provided below). An Early Years Educator had raised a concern that he was sometimes having problems following instructions.

She insinuated he had serious developmental problems and was quite negative about him. I posted for advice, because I genuinely felt she had got it wrong.

The response I got from some posters on that thread was quite frankly disgusting and had I not been too upset, I would have reported it at the time. I was called names, told I was a bad mother and told I was in denial about my ds.

I know that learning difficulties can be a sensitive area, but I stated time and time again that I was making no judgement about children with learning difficulties. I was following my instincts as a mother. Still I was insulted.

In the end my ds did have a speech & Lang assessment and he was discharged. He has settled into school really well. I still think about that thread now and then because at the time it put me in quite a bad place. I know it is strangers on the internet, but words hurt.

I suppose my point is, that I have read many a thread on here, of mothers who instinctively know their child is having developmental difficulties and are met with resistence by various authorities. It can work the other way. A mother who really believes her child is being misunderstood.

I would never neglect to support my children in the best way. Anyway, whilst there are many lovely posters on mumsnet, some are hurtful and agressive. No doubt this will be met with the usual nasty quips from some, but I don't care. One thing I have learnt is that everyone is entitled to stick up for themselves. I am not posting just because I was right. For indeed, had my ds been diagnosed with special needs, I still would have posted. That it was no way to be towards a mum in distress.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/preschool/1140182-Anyone-had-problems-with-pre-school-I-think-they-are-trying-to-label-my-son-as-autistic

working9while5

original thread

I'm a lady panda - and I know deep down he LOVES me, despite eating all the bamboo and baby pandas and shagging the other girl panda. It's not his fault - the hotel staff where we live encourage him. One day he'll change. Oh, and he has an allotment and does good card tricks................

Are pandas even real? Or are they just people, dressed up to provide entertainment on You Tube and give us funny wee stories at the end of the news? They don't seem to display any proper animal behaviors.

A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating, the waiter comes over to bring him the check. When the waiter arrives at the table, he just starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go through the door, the manager grabs him. 'Wait a minute!' he yells, 'You just killed my best waiter! Besides that, you didn't even pay for your sandwich!'

The Panda Bear grasps the manager by the throat, jacks him up, and growls, 'Hey man! I'm a PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why don't you look it up!'

At this the Panda walks out the door and ambles down the street. The manager, shaken, returns to his office and consults a dictionary.

He reads:
'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain forests related to raccoons and true bears and characterized by bold black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.'

The pandas know what Alberto wants.

This is the thread where the OP talks about having posted a reverse AIBU for 'validation':

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1119700-So-what-if-your-father-was-a-misogynist-bully/AllOnOnePage

Kladdkaka, I was wondering if she was older. In my experience of being involved in the diagnostic process, when I did the over-8's it was far more common for people to react with relief and even, really, to come in saying "look, we know it's autism, the system has let us down, we are at our wit's end, please God don't turn us away again, we've been through this three times already". I remember one dad telling me he wasn't leaving the room until I told him ten good reasons his child wasn't on the spectrum (and crying like a baby when I said that, although I couldn't diagnose, I could see everything they were saying in how he presented).

In the under-5's, unless a child is very obviously experiencing difficulties with functioning (and sometimes, even in these cases), many many parents react with shock and with anger and outright denial. I have a friend who is an A and E doctor who says that when he tells people of a bereavement in A and E, they often try to hit him. People who have never considered or behaved violently before.

I also have a friend at the moment who is a professional who is refusing to pursue assessment and having significant mental health problems because she knows. It is hard to watch.

I don't really know what's gone on with the OP's child, or what they're really like. I do know that a lot of her reaction seems very normal to me and I can see why it was taken up as being offensive (but this is why I hate AIBU for these things). It just stirs up stuff for people, and that stirred up stuff in her. It's all very sad. I can see how if you've grown up with schizophrenia in a parent, the suggestion of autism might trigger things... I have lived with both in my life.

I don't want it for my child either.
Sadly we didn't get a choice.

We were passed around from pilar o post whe DS was younger. His first Ed psych assessment when he was a mere 23 months old. He was finally given a rubber stamped dxwhen he was 8.

6 fucking years later.

I would give anything, anything to have my son not have to face a life of such uncertainty. To know that as a single mother if anything should happen to me he there would be no one left to fight his battles. And for a child like him every single aspect of his life is a battle.
unlike the other mums at my baby group who are d=sitting around discussing what schools they would like their child to attend i was faced with the prospect of no school accepting him.

I can understand the denial. Really, i can.

But i don't think that OP was treated unfairly on that thread. I think she was given a lot of supportive advice which she chose to ignore.

And i am still at a loss as to why anyone would feel it necessary to post this thread today, a year after a thread that has clearly upset so many people. I can only conclude that it was to shit stir and cause upset.

And i don't care what your family background was, there is no need for it

Oh marfisa bring up posts about my abusive past to invalidate me

now who is being a nasty bitch

' he is doing a degree. he is working part time. and he is quite simply the person i think i admire most in the entire world.'

And gorgeous.
Rather like mine in fact. Despite the fact I've had to wrestle with him to get my laptop back. he does hugs and tea when I'm stressed too.
Maryz, I'm sorry that I wasn't clear about my post, I think it's the OP who is living in a somewhat alternate reality and failing in basic understanding of how communication in the NT world usually works. I didn't think you were rude in the slightest.

Working9while5

i once read that autism was linked to bipolar/schizophrenia and i won't deny i did worry i had passed on the gene to ds

not because i think it makes a child 'sullied' for god sake. i never thought my mother was sullied jesus. i loved her dearly. but yes it did trigger a reaction

Never look in a panda's glove box.

Aw Dust that's lovely - hugs and tea, the best pick me ups in the world. Wish my boys were so thoughtful (they're not bad really).

A panda's eyes are black so you know where to poke it during a fight.

dust....right back at'cha.

i should just steer clear of threads like this.... really time to hit the hide button i reckon.

justified anger? in the immortal words of the board.

YABU.

gnite all.

Working9while5 my husband is also autistic, although not formally diagnosed. He is the poster boy for Asperger's. Absolute stereotype aspie. All the autism professionals he's come into contact with following mine and daughters diagnosis smile and nod. He's since contacted his 'special' teacher he had at primary school, she remembers him and agrees too. Yet he still cannot even mention it in front of his mum. She's goes absolutely ballistic, won't even contemplate it.

"I think she was given a lot of supportive advice which she chose to ignore."

This is the bit I'm not seeing Valar. I'm seeing her saying "we are pursuing it, but I don't believe it I don't believe it I don't believe it why can you all believe it you don't know my son".

I think for many parents, if there were no concerns or fears around their child's academic or social functioning, they wouldn't have this reaction if someone suggested something they didn't believe. They'd shrug it off. However, when you're in a situation where you've lived with extreme and unusual behaviours in your family of origin, there is likely to be a disproportionate response to the suggestion that this might happen to you again. It's also likely you might react this way if, deep down, you were afraid of something but didn't want to face it. It is honestly really very common and actually, the pain is just the same as the pain you describe Valar, it's the fear of a life of battle and uncertainty and pain but it's a different way of dealing with it.

Perhaps that's not the case with this, who knows? It's just, well, it ends up that everyone is having a conversation with themselves on a forum, doesnt it? I see the OP's anger in the original thread as fear and fear alone, because that matches my experience of people talking in this way and there's very little in it I haven't come across before. I could be very wrong, of course. I'm not saying I'm right. Just throwing it out there.

Pandas can only conga North or South. Never East or West.

TiggyD - you're panda -ist.

Pandas have always preferred Andrew Ridgley.

Valar 'i would give anything, anything, for my son not to have to face a life of such uncertainty'

That is exactly how i felt and yet i got accused of being derogatory about asd. i thought i was being a normal and loving mother yet i got accused of all sorts

A panda walks into a bar, interrupting a heated argument between two customers. The bartender turns to the panda and says, "Hey, just the guy we needed! Tell Ollie and Neville here... are you a bear or some kind of raccoon?" The panda ponders this for a moment and replies, "Hmmn. You know, not everything is black and white like that."

There are no pandas called Lisa. It means toothpaste in their language.

What's black and white and red all over?