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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

817 replies

Toomanycuppas · 13/01/2012 02:50

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 13/01/2012 11:00

Pictish what, in your opinion are the mother's reasons?

BertieBotts · 13/01/2012 11:01

What are you on about? How is it wrong for a seven year old to look to her mother for emotional support when she is there? It doesn't mean that she can never look anywhere else for that support, or that she is dependent on it.

Actually I think most seven year olds are still fairly dependent on their parents, aren't they? It's sort of the beginning age for encouraging real independence, not some kind of cut off point. There's no way you'd expect a 7 year old to be totally able to fend for themselves.

As some others mentioned, when children get their adult teeth through at around the age of 7 they lose the ability to latch anyway. Which says to me that it's a perfectly natural age for this kind of independence to begin, but also like most things small children learn, there is no need to push them towards each stage as they will get there in their own time.

pictish · 13/01/2012 11:02

Well I apologise for my crassness, but frankly by the time my kid hits seven, that's what it is.
Most women are turned off and even slightly revulsed at the notion of having a great walloping child at that age breastfeeding. This is a natural reaction, not one that we develop by thinking it over - it's totally instinctive. That is nature's way of ending your service as a feeding station. Your child no longer needs it, so you are freed up to look after the younger children who require the same nurturing.

tiktok · 13/01/2012 11:03

I agree, mishy. The language used here is just weird. What's with the 'hanging off tits' phrase? In my experience older children who bf do it for short bursts at a time - sort of 'checking in' with mum. They may not bf every day, even, by 5, 6 or 7. They don't 'hang' , anyway.

I have not noticed any lack of independence in these kids, either. They go to school, they have friends, they stay at other houses and with other carers, they get on with life the same as other kids who no longer bf.

I am a bit doubtful about the OP's conclusion that this kid was asking for/expecting a bf anyway, but I suppose it's possible. Like most mothers of older bf kids, she was able to quietly tell him no - I don't see the problem at all.

BeattieBow · 13/01/2012 11:04

why do you care what someone else does with their children? it isn't any of your business tbh.

just get on with your own life and leave them to theirs.

hackmum · 13/01/2012 11:04

"it's totally instinctive." Evidence? THe fact that you say something doesn't make it true.

BertieBotts · 13/01/2012 11:05

Really HowlingBitch? So say a child of 7 has a comfort blanket or a teddy bear which stays at home, in bed. If they fall over in the playground they are able to comfort themselves by running to mum, dad, teacher, or simply getting up and playing, they wouldn't get distressed that the teddy wasn't there for them at that moment. So is that "of no benefit"? Should we take it away because they can manage without it in other situations?

Or would you recognise that it's a nice thing and they will let go of it when they are ready?

I find it weird that people see an attachment to a stuffed toy as more normal, natural and understandable than one particular part of the relationship between a mother and child.

pictish · 13/01/2012 11:06

Stealth - I don't rightly know, because it's not something that ever comes up in casual conversation. If I ever came across this, I imagine I would want to leave the room.

You tell me why a mother breastfeeds a seven year old. I haven't a scooby!

tiktok · 13/01/2012 11:06

pictish, if you can't go away and read some anthropology, then try an open mind, why don't you?

"Most women are turned off and even slightly revulsed at the notion of having a great walloping child at that age breastfeeding. This is a natural reaction, not one that we develop by thinking it over - it's totally instinctive. "

Not true at all. You are describing a cultural response. It's not instinctive.

BertieBotts · 13/01/2012 11:06

What we think of as "instincts" are massively shaped by our society and culture. We wouldn't blink an eye at a baby crying but mothers in tribal communities are extremely worried and distressed by this.

BertieBotts · 13/01/2012 11:07

xposted.

pigletmania · 13/01/2012 11:07

crunchfrog 17 Shock now that is gross

pictish · 13/01/2012 11:07

Oh that's just my theory.
Evidence - it turns me and anyone else I have spoken to about it in the real world, right off. Why is that? Because we don't live in Mongolia? or because it's unneccessary.

IsItMeOr · 13/01/2012 11:08

"Her work is done" at 7? Hmm.

The problem is that, while a 6mo, for example, can only assert their needs/wishes in quite limited ways, a 2/3/4/5/6yo is very much able to assert their needs/wishes quite firmly. So, unless you drop BFing at a very early age, you automatically get to a position where both the child and the mother are capable of expressing their views quite clearly.

I'm surprised that the posters saying that this is solely about the mother's needs cannot read-across to an area in their own parenting experience where they have taken a particular approach because it was comfortable and pragmatic (and entirely consistent with establishing independence by adulthood) for them and their child.

BertieBotts · 13/01/2012 11:08

Why are we asking "why?" - why do we need a reason to do anything? Why not ask "Why not?" especially since it's not like every time you feed them you are making a conscious decision to carry on. DS is 3 and I just haven't made a conscious decision to stop (yet) - why would I need to?

tiktok · 13/01/2012 11:10

I am totally floored by your argument, pictish. You have devastated us with your incisive observation.

It turns you and one whole other person off - making, um, two people in the world, wowzer :)

I'm gonna stick that in my anthopological, historical, social and cultural pipe and smoke it, I surely will!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/01/2012 11:11

Why is this breastfeeding thread here at all? Hmm

pictish · 13/01/2012 11:14

Well look - I have stayed too long in this debate already. I need to get on, but will look in later. This thread is bound to go orbital.

Whichever way - bfing a seven year old is certainly not for me! You lot go for your life!

ArtVandelay · 13/01/2012 11:14

It is unusual so YANBU to be surprised but it would be YABU to start inferring all kinds of negative things from it.

FWIW my friend who was raised in an Asian country used to drink her aunty's excess breast milk up until she was about 6/7. Her mum 'lent her out' to her sister because Aunt had serious oversupply and friend loved breast feeding. My friend thinks this is hilarious now. Friend is very down to earth and 'normal'!

tiktok · 13/01/2012 11:14

Lying - it's best it's here, rather than in the breast and bottle feeding folder - that folder is more for people seeking support and info; in AIBU posters can be free to be a bit scathing if it's called for.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/01/2012 11:17

It's a bunfight, let's not pretend it is - or was intended - to be anything other than that.

I don't see that it belongs on AIBU either... like some kind of receptacle for trash. I'm fed up with it quite frankly.

notso · 13/01/2012 11:18

I would be surprised in the same way I'd be surprised if I saw a seven year old ask for a dummy, or a bottle in the middle of a park.

I sucked my thumb and sniffed or nuzzled a toy right up until I was pregnant with DD at 18, it's hard to give up something that is so comforting.

IsItMeOr · 13/01/2012 11:18

pictish - there's a big difference between saying something is not for you, and saying that it is instinctively wrong. A bit of tolerance and understanding helps keep the world turning, don't you think?

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 11:18

Oh no bertie, DS is 4 has a teddy named Bill since birth and used to adore, Couldn't live without but there were times when he got distressed and Bill wasn't there so I encouraged other types of comfort cuddling, Talking, singing. Bill has become less important and DS is learned how to cope in all situations without him. I encouraged this 100%.

I'm not sure why everyone gets so wound up by this TBH? People have all sorts of opinions about how I parent. I listen to what they have to say and accept that their opinions are just different but it really doesn't bother me that much. We should be able to discuss things like extended BFing without it turning into a free for all. How else will people learn what it's all about? I am completely open to what you all have to say about it.

YuleingFanjo · 13/01/2012 11:20

"Most women are turned off and even slightly revulsed at the notion of having a great walloping child at that age breastfeeding" why?