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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

817 replies

Toomanycuppas · 13/01/2012 02:50

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

OP posts:
IsItMeOr · 13/01/2012 10:17

YANBU to be surprised, but yes, again, YABU to judge.

And of course the mother in question does not do this in public because she is well aware that other people find it challenging/upsetting/distressing/whatever. But that alone does not mean that something is "wrong". I generally go to the toilet in private - and assume everybody else does to - that doesn't mean going to the toilet is wrong...

I'm surprised to find myself BFing 2.10yo DS still, but it works for him and me. I have few sources of information and advice on how to handle the future with him, as this is pretty much a taboo topic. So I will continue to respond to his expressed needs, and support him in gradually building his independent life, which I gather from observing other parents and children close to me will continue until beyond 20. But no, of course I don't expect to be BFing a teenager.

I am sad to see some of the attitudes on this thread which seem to show a woeful lack of understanding about healthy ways to meet a young person's emotional needs. I'm stunned that some people seem to think that a 6-year old will never need reassurance and connection with their mother. [shaking head sadly emoticon].

pictish · 13/01/2012 10:18

Breastmilk is for feeding babies?

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 10:20

I love how these threads always end up implying the the children who are not BFing at 7 are obviously drinking coke. DP is 24 and enjoys milk, Should his mum still be BFing him?

Where does it stop?

IsItMeOr · 13/01/2012 10:22

Startail - I believe you. Thanks for sharing Smile.

Howling - "Where does it stop?", my assumption is that it stops when it makes sense to the individual child and mother combo.

startail · 13/01/2012 10:24

Lots of what DD2 did at 9 wasn't "age appropriate"! Watching 12 DVDs, playing sims, wearing make-up occasionally probably isn't.
Much of the music she liked or what's in books aimed at 9-12 year olds isn't age appropriate IMO either.

hackmum · 13/01/2012 10:24

"Breastmilk is for feeding babies?"

Or is it? A lot of people on here are saying that it's obviously wrong to breastfeed a six-year old but without being able to articulate why. It's really just a set of learned cultural attitudes about what is appropriate and what isn't. I've posted this link before about attitudes to breastfeeding in Mongolia (www.drmomma.org/2009/07/breastfeeding-in-land-of-genghis-khan.html)

To quote:

"But if weaning means never drinking breastmilk again, then Mongolians are never truly weaned - and here's what surprised me most about breastfeeding in Mongolia. If a woman's breasts are engorged and her baby is not at hand, she will simply go around and ask a family member, of any age or sex, if they'd like a drink. Often a woman will express a bowlful for her husband as a treat, or leave some in the fridge for anyone to help themselves."

IsItMeOr · 13/01/2012 10:26

And equally, I love the assumption that because a child sometimes has breastmilk, the assumption is that they don't also drink water, juice and maybe lemonade occasionally Shock.

Whoever said about expressing into a glass is really missing the point. It's not especially about the milk so far as I can tell, it's about the closeness and comfort for my DS. So, for example, it's never a surprise that he asks for a feed when we get back from nursery, because that's still a very new thing and big deal to him, to be apart from me/DH for that long. I'm confident that he'll stop asking at that point in a bit.

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 10:27

Would you do that hackmum?

pictish · 13/01/2012 10:30

Yay the Mongolians! Hmm

My boobs are mine. I think it's questionable for a mother to still encourage such an intimate manifestation of a bond at seven.

startail · 13/01/2012 10:34

Oh and I'm afraid DD is very fond of Coke, has been since she was a toddler.
(Stupid DHAngry)
Literally the only downside of her BF for so long is she thinks all drinks must be sweet. She will not touch plain cows milk or water.
As far as I can make out breast milk is. I can't express so have never tasted more than a drop. I asked DH, but he loathes milk and refused to have a sip.
(how he managed to kiss me there and not get some I don't know, but he was just as expert at avoiding milk as DD was at getting it, sorry TMI)

pictish · 13/01/2012 10:36

It really was. Thanks though. Heh!

hardboiledpossum · 13/01/2012 10:38

I would be shocked as it isn't that common but I wouldn't judge. For me breast feeding is about a lot more than milk. I'm still breast feeding my 11 month old, originally I planned to stop at 6 months and then changed my mind to a year. Now a year is coming up and I'm not sure if I want to stop. I've had lots of comments about breast feeding for this long already though.

CinnamonStar · 13/01/2012 10:39

How do you know that the 7 year old wanted to breastfeed? Maybe he was pulling at her top for another reason (some sort of game they play - tickling? putting his cold hands on her etc?) and she was telling him that was inappropriate. Seems odd to jump straight to the conclusion he was still BF. Or did either of them say something?

WoTmania · 13/01/2012 10:40

YANBU to be surprised, however YABU to judge.
Also - the 'meeting the mother's needs not child's' thing: The child came over and asked the mother said 'not now'. How that is meeting mother's needs not child's I fail to see.

I want to move to Mongolia Just becuase it's not a cultural norm over here doesn't mean it's worng or that it will lead to dependent children.

YuleingFanjo · 13/01/2012 10:40

" I think it's questionable for a mother to still encourage such an intimate manifestation of a bond at seven"

why?

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 10:42

Because at 7 we should be encouraging independence.

hackmum · 13/01/2012 10:42

@Howlingbitch: Well, I probably would if I lived in Mongolia. That's my point really - most of what we regard as "natural" is really learned, as argued by Mary Douglas in Purity and Danger. I have a friend whose parents come from India, for example, and they think that having a bath is pretty disgusting - just lying around in your own dirty bathwater. They always take a shower.

WoTmania · 13/01/2012 10:49

'Because at 7 we should be encouraging independence.' - you're assuming that children who are still BF aren't independent in any way. Most children I know who are BF at 4/5/6 are stil independent, they go to school or playgroups and mother's even go away for a bit but they pick up where they left off because at this point they haven't outgrown the need.
They lost the ability to suckle when certain adult teeth start to come through in any case
www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html

Floggingmolly · 13/01/2012 10:51

Comfort and emotional reassurance? Don't be ridiculous, Ninkynonker , all children need emotional reassurance but not very many are still using breast feeding as the source at almost 7 Hmm. The mother should be at least attempting to make sure her emotional needs are met elsewhere. Sounds like there are extreme attachment issues there.

pictish · 13/01/2012 10:52

At seven they are fully weaned and can feed themselves. They should be concentrating on learning to be independent.
They shouldn't need to suck on mummy's tits for comfort. Mum will be either tending to younger siblings who need her in the same way, or claiming her body back because her work is done.

pictish · 13/01/2012 10:54

It's about the mother and not the child.
The child has no need for it. Cuddles and loving words provide the comfort that they seek, while they can get sustenance independently. That is what is appropriate at seven.

The mother wishes to have a seven year old hanging off her tits for her own reasons.

Mishy1234 · 13/01/2012 10:56

YANBU to be surprised OP, as it's pretty unusual for a 7 yo to still be bf in this country.

I do find some of the language on this thread pretty offensive though. References to 'sucking on tits' when referring to something which is the biological norm is distasteful imo.

I bf DS1 until he was just over 3. I was ready for him to stop and he did gradually and without fuss. For me bf until at least 2 is preferable and extending that to 3/4 is about right. That's my PERSONAL feeling relating to my children. I have friends who have stopped later than that and I don't find it odd. I don't know anyone who is still feeding a 7 yo though.

YuleingFanjo · 13/01/2012 10:58

"They shouldn't need to suck on mummy's tits for comfort" Why?

. "Mum will be claiming her body back because her work is done"

why?

YuleingFanjo · 13/01/2012 10:59

"That is what is appropriate at seven"

why?

HowlingBitch · 13/01/2012 10:59

Well if the child in that kind of situation is able to comfort themselves without BFing and not get distressed over the fact that it isn't and option then I really don't see how it benefits the child in any way given the fact that BM hold no nutritional value at that age. Teeth or not it's a fact that human children socialize differently that chimpanzees or gorillas.

I think this is why people believe that extended BFing is more to benefit the mother.

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