AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

I bfed my two DCs to toddlers and am a very big supporter of bf and it's promotion. BUT - I think bfing a NT 6/7 year old child infantilizes them in the same way that having dummy or a bottle of milk would. I think parents should encourage their children developing independence and I think this holds it back so I would be v. surprised at the situation described in the OP and would judge the parent. Not because an older child having a boob in their mouth is perverted (as some seem to think) but because it's makes an infant of them when they are not. I would also judge a NT 7 year old out with a dummy or drinking milk from a bottle.

Ghoul - my limited understanding of child develoment is that it's best to support a child to independence but not force them to drop something which comforts them, but rather let them decide for themselves when they no longer need it. Obviously, that's not always possible, but I thought that was the ideal.

I bf DD1 until she was 5, when she self weaned. As she got older she fed less frequently, from 4 she only bf every other day or so. I was happy to let her self wean because it was no inconvenience to me and she enjoyed it.

I originally decided to let my DC self wean because of the strong family history of colitis, IBS and colon cancer. With DD1 it was also because when people started asking me when I was weaning her at around 6mths it had only just got easy to do (she didn't latch until she was 3mths old), it seemed at the time bonkers not to carry on for at least a year so I could skip formula and go to cow's milk.

Isitmeor - I get that we need mostly to be child led. BUT I do think there comes a point (if the child is well above average age for doing something) when you say to a child OK you're a big boy / girl now you need to start drinking from a cup / not sucking your thumb (DD I mean you) or whatever. I think the same applies to bf. Sometimes children need a little encouragement to move onto the next stage.

9 year oldsbreastfeeding? So it could happen then, that 9 year old could technically be having a period at the same time!

Ironic if her mums periods haven't returned yet!

can someone please tell me when is this mythical perfect age to wean a child off the breast, because it seems that women always get criticised that they weaned too early or carried on for too long.

And another thing: we have to understand that it's NOT a mothers responsibility to wean the child off the breast, unless she doesn't want to breastfeed any longer. If she isn't bothered or incovinienced, then children don't need any help at all, they will happily wean themselves off at some time, usually between the ages of 5 and 7 as nature intended.

I don't understand why it's weird. The only reason we don't see cuddling or kissing as weird is because we are culturally and socially conditioned to accept it, there's no universal law that says it's how we show affection in public -and in some cultures it's not allowed in public. On the contrary, nature has decided that human children are supposed to bf for the first 5 to 7 years of their lives.

I doubt I would choose to carry on bf for so long, but I would never ever think that it's for the benefit of the mother and not the child, or that the child is being harmed in any way. It's actually allowed to follow a path towards weaning that will not cause any trauma and will help them become secure and independant.

You see I think the perfect age is probably somewhere between 1 and 4 (so a wide range) but if my DCs had got to 4 and were still bfing I would be encouraging them to stop. It's similar to other things such as potty training. The age range for PT is probably between 18 months and 3.5. If DC has show no interest by 3.5 then they need some encouragement to do so.

I believe the world wide average age for weaning is something like 4-5yrs.

I look forward to reading the posts from those who are "going to feed until "bubba" is 2" on that magical day when the child is 2yrs and 1 day and is suddenly, overnight, told he is too old and mummy wants her "tits" back.

How I shall laugh.

(FWIW, I don't believe the OP either,but can see Lrraine and that vile doctor sitting on the sofa next week discussing it as if it were fact) (are they still on,peddling their garbage? Or have both of them moved lock stock to x-list reality tv now?)

I do think quoting a world wide average is a bit misleading though. Children in poorer countries do lots of things that wouldn't happen here. Here children start school at 4 and a bit - I think at that point they need to be treated like young children but not infants.

But that's exactly what breastfeeding mothers do as well, Howling - I'm just saying I don't see what's different about it that it becomes something which must be stopped. I'm sure most parents would be horrified at the thought of taking a child's teddy away from them because they were too old for it, even if they no longer relied on it at all and were perfectly able to comfort themselves in other ways.

Breastfeeding wouldn't prevent you from having a period 9 years in. Top age seems to be 18 months - 2 years.

I also think the OP is rubbish and made up.

But personal opinion? Same as Goulwithadragontatoo - I would stop somewhere between 18 months - 4 years.

Two things though:

1. Why is an emotional need for comfort any less of a genuine need than a physiolocical need for milk as a result of hunger?

1. Compared to the rest of the world, I would guess that our attitudes to bf generally in this country are "abnormal".... the "urgh" that some people reportedly feel at a toddler bf is not instinctive, it is shaped by society (which in my opinion has got it a bit wrong...).

I wasn't saying that the child can't get support elsewhere, I was just responding to the claim that she wouldn't need it for nutrition, fluid etc. Maybe she wanted it for other reasons and why not?

It doesn't seem that strange if you think that its quite normal for children that age to still suck their thumbs occasionally.

There are about 3 girls in my DS class (age 6/7) who still do so, he comments on it & calls them babies & I challenge him on that (he's a stuffed toy fan so has his own 'comforter' himself).

Would assume the child wanted to 'suckle' like as on dummy/thumb.

I would be very surprised to see but not horrified/repulsed or anything like that.

I think one of the problems is that the people who don'tex-BF don't understand how it works. I've had people asking me whether DD (nearly 3) eats solids for eg.
DS2 nursed til just after his 4th birthday. I don't know when because he was down to asking ever 2 weeks or so and I wasn't taking notes. Many people assume that they still nurse all the time, daily even. IME this often isn't the case.
What I find offensive about these sorts of threads is being told that what I am doing is wrong, sick or disgusting or that I'm not allowing them to be independent and that I should be doing it another way. I'm not trying to force all women to BF their DC til they self-wean so why should someone tell me I should force my DC to stop at an arbitrary age.
Do what works for you and you children and don't judge what works for me and mine.

I think there is a big difference in taking something away and encouraging a child to be independent from something. Don't be too horrified! :o

I'm certainly not horrified by EBF I just have a different opinion about it. No malice or judgment.

Are we basically saying the same thing, then?

More than likely!

TBH using cows milk is pretty weird anyway

Remember on a quiz/comedy show watching them discuss breastmilk ice cream & think one of them (female, I think) commented how was it more yucky/strange than using milk from cows udders?

Its just the cultural norm.

MrsHankey - think I saw that same show, and Jamie Oliver refused to even try it. To be fair to him, it's presumably much easier for us to catch something from human-to-human transmission than cow-to-human.

considering BF babies don't 'catch' anything from BM its unlikely an adult would. As I understand it the reason cow's milk is pastuerised is down to the bacteria you can get from it otherwise.

I might be way off the mark here but isn't there dental advice about not breast feeing past a certain age because it's sugary and bad for the teeth after too long?

And a seven year old will be getting adult teeth in.

On that basis, if I am correct about the tooth thing, I think it is not a good idea.

If I am wrong, I apologise.

What would have shocked me in this situation was not the breastfeeding itself (I would be very surprised though) but the fact that the child just ran to the mother and lifted up her top to feed. Surely at that age you don't 'demand' a feed? I remember feeling the same when I saw a program on television about it, older children just drinking when they felt like it. To me it felt it bit as treating your mum like a tap.

OK the mum in this situation stopped the child, but still I am a bit about that.

Haven't read the whole thread but think it's entirely wrong, wrong wrong
At 7 and before, they have some sense of independence and operating independently at school. They have enough to deal with socially, without having an extra stick for the kids to beat them with. And if the other kids don't know or he/she doesn't tell them, what kind of message is that sending?