AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

disappointed. Came back in the hopes that there would be links to papers demonstrating harm to older children being breastfed.....not entirely surprised there arent though.

Sorry I didnt mean that I hoping there is evidence, I was just hoping that people could actually back up the things they were saying because otherwise its just spite and bile.

What I find ridiculous is the constant validation through what one does in Mongolia, or a desert tribe

It is also completely wrong that a Mongolian tribeswoman would be bfeeding a 7yr old. She would have other children, the 7 yr old would be doing woman's work-they wouldn't be a baby they would be expected to do their bit for the general good and they would most likely be getting married in a few years.

There are no papers demonstrating harm because it is very unusual. Most DCs have given up by then, however needy the mother.
I agree with CoteDAzur-a parent's job is to teach the child to cope, in an age appropriate way, and just offering the breast as a comfort is lazy parenting. Of course it does make the mother feel needed if she doesn't want her baby to grow up.

the child in the video is not disabled, or doesn't appear to be.
Flame me if you like, but BFing a normally developing 7year old is quite disturbing to me. I couldn't watch all the video.

The child in the video isn't disabled and doesn't have any special needs. She is doing it because she wants to and the mother actively encourages it.

Actually bf is common amongst rural and urban Mongolians. Most are still bf at two or three and many or much longer. They don't generally marry at nine, I think your presumptions revealing. They are often poor but very literate and most certainly aware of tandem nursing as a mother often nurses older and younger ... Think cow's milk in the uk, it has no inappropriate consumer.

We are not talking about bfeeding 2 or 3 yr olds-I don't think that many people would have a problem with it-they are very much babies. You wouldn't let a 3 yr old make their own cup of hot chocolate or send them down to the shop. Their friends are not going to make fun of them. This is about a 7yr old and the mother keeping them as babies because she wants to keep the attachment.
I don't know at what age a Mongolian girl gets married, but I am perfectly sure there are rites of passage and she is doing a lot of work-she isn't a baby.

I knew there were rites of passage. Having looked it up it is the first hair cut. It is a ceremony. Each family member takes a snip and they get a present. They do it because it marks the end of babyhood and the start of childhood.

One of these days you're going to make me nod my head right off at your posts exoticfruits

It is nice to find someone who agrees.

Having researched further I find that they do bfeed up to 9yrs-apparently it makes strong wrestlers! If they are engorged they offer the breast around to anyone-child or adult. Therefore I think that even if they do breastfeed for longer it isn't necessarily something to copy.

It all comes from one woman's account-she has written a book. I couldn't really find other information.
Anyway-I think that people tend to cherry pick the parts they like. I bet the MIL is in a very strong position in Mongolia!

I have no idea who started up about Mongolia and why it is relevant. I have no wish to copy them at all. When people do bring forward tribes people they very much take only the bits they like. Even if they do breastfeed longer they don't treat them like babies and they have an amazing amount of freedom. They are fully capable of running a household or a herd at 12/13 yrs when some UK parents are still not letting them boil a kettle or stay alone in the home for an hour.

They feed until nine you say? Hmm where is the relevance?!

I have utterly no idea weevil-I can't imagine why we are even discussing Mongolia mothers and can't be bothered to trawl back to find out.

I think that a mother in UK ought to be meeting the emotional needs of a DC in an age appropriate way and comforting a 7yr old DC with breast milk is just lazy parenting and a parent who is unwilling to move on-they want a dependent DC.

But as long as the kid is happy, loved, well cared for and doing okay, then what's the issue? Does it really matter if it would suit you?

I'd shoot myself before BF a kid over 3, but that's about my own needs. And loathing of BF. If a mother is happy BF, and the kid wants her to, well, nifty for them. As long as it's only in private, so as to protect the kid from bullying, then no harm done. And this mother was indicating that that was the way, by what she said to her kid, no?

And perhaps its just me, but 7 is quite little. Cuddles aplenty at that age. Kids have a tendency to go for what they want - the mother wasn't offering, the kid was asking. Can't see the harm, myself.

"I think that a mother in UK ought to be meeting the emotional needs of a DC in an age appropriate way and comforting a 7yr old DC with breast milk is just lazy parenting and a parent who is unwilling to move on-they want a dependent DC."

Agree.

Also- this argument that it's because the child wants it- do you always let your child do what they want? If they wanted a dummy would you let them at 7? If they wanted to use a potty at 7 would you let them? If they wanted nothing but chocolate would you let them?

No because it is out job as parents to introduce them to small steps of gradual independence. Needing or wanting Mummy's breast at 7 keeps them different and needy.

Oh and don't ask me what I think the cut off age should be like I need a white paper on it all just to have a opinion! Seven is too old in my opinion. I have a five year old, I think he is too old to be BFed.

The baps are back in the bread bin but he can have a cuddle, a kiss and a kind word any time he wants.

I do let my kid have as much chocolate as he wants, actually. As a result he isn't a fan. Now and then he has a yen, but because it's never been made anything special or forbidden fruit, he is really not fussed. He'll eat a little and then abandon the rest. If you set something up as a treat food, and restrict access heavily, kids will crave it. There's really interesting research on how kids with Cystic Fibrosis, who can't eat anything but high fat, high energy food, crave lettuce and celery and so on, simply because it's a restricted treat.

If he wants a dummy behind closed doors at 7 I'd probably let him, yes. Why not? As long as he knew he'd be teased if anyone knew outside the family.

Helping your child be independent doesn't, to my mind, mean forcing them. It means strengthening them so they want it. If I think something is harmful, no, he can't do it. A potty is a pain in the backside, and I have rights too. But if a mother is happy to bf and the kid wants to, meh. I can't see it's anyone else's business, and I certainly don't think it's harmful. It's just different, that's all. Do you think it's helping independence to refuse to let them sit on your lap, and cuddle? I don't know. I just don't get the idea you need to push a small kid into independence. Give them enough security, and they'll grab independence with both hands. The balance for me is based on how much I'm prepared to tolerate, and a kid wanting my boobs once the nutritional need has passed... no way! The thought makes me shudder, tbh. But I don't think
everyone in teh world should parent just like me.

If a kid is happy, loved, socialised well and developing to their best ability, surely the methods don't matter, short of cruelty/neglect?

My 20yr old is too big to sit on my lap but I still give him cuddles! That is entirely different it is a silly comparison to suggest refusing to cuddle a 7yr old.

A 7yr old isn't a baby, despite the way some people treat them that way. Independence and responsibility is good for them and most children are quite capable-if the parent lets them.On here you get lots of examples of parents being overprotective because it is easier e.g. making 7yr old boys go into the ladies toilet, not leaving them for 5 mins while they pop next door, saying they can get changed on their own from swimming (I have taken whole classes swimming and they can), not letting them have a knife to chop carrots etc etc etc-I could go on. This is an extension-keeping the child firmly attached to mother who has to feel needed.

She also wasn't doing it in private. Over 40,000 people watched my clip!! It had already been shown on channel 4 and my clip isn't the only one on YouTube. How is that private and why would you put your 7 yr old in that position? A sheltered one at that -if she had been out in the world at school she would have known that it was something to keep quiet about because she would be teased.

If she hasn't self weaned at 7yrs-and if it is a sensitive DC she may find it difficult to be assertive enough. (I would expect a 7yr old boy to refuse point blank to go into the ladies toilet with mother-mine would have been on their dignity and marched into the gents-and yet according to this site many just keep mother happy). I am pretty sure that any 7yr would have self weaned if they got the impression from the mother that it wasn't age appropriate.

The 9yr old and the 7yr old drawing breasts and naming them also comes from the mother-if mine did that I would ignore and channel onto other drawings and interests-not get them to do it for TV!

It is not normal-a lot of people seem to say I wouldn't do it to my DCs but it is perfectly alright for other DCs . I wouldn't do it to a 7yr old full stop.
However I wouldn't dress a 7yr old, let them ride in a pushchair etc full stop (unless they had SN).
They certainly wouldn't do what they liked 'because they wanted to'.

sorry can't get changed.

Perfectstorm

To confirm what you said about kids on high fat diets craving fruit vedge your right Ds2 needs4000-5000 calories a day but would much rather eat fruit or big plate of vedge

One of the reasons I convinced my DS to wean at age 4 was because I didn't want to be feeding at school aged child. I didn't want him to be teased, or for this teachers to go /
TBH I'm annoyed that was the case, although there were other, more important reasons. If other people make other choices, good for them.
And what's with all the charming references to breasts. It's like being in a playground of 11 yos here.

Would posters be frothing about 7 year olds having a dummy or a bottle? They would think it unusual but I'm sure there wouldn't be the same venom directed at the mother

For those who are worried about the psychological 'impact' of remembering natural term bf (usually 3 ish as pointed out by many posters), I have spoken to adults who do.
They remember it as pleasant 'normal' part of that stage of their lives. Just like being bathed, dressed, kissed, cuddled or sleeping with your mum.

I don't know about the bf teen, but given that all the above would be inappropriate at that age I expect there's more going on (or perhaps it's not, gasp, true - just a publicity hungry family ).

I certainly would be frothing about a 7yr old having a dummy or a bottle!