AIBU to be surpised at an almost 7 year old still being breastfed?

[Toomanycuppas]

Met up for lunch with friends we rarely see last week and was not aware she was still b/f. Almost 7 year old came running back from the park, went to the mum and lifted her top up and she said "no, it's not an appropriate time for that".

I can understand that it's normal for the child but wouldn't they be teased by school friends if it's asked for/done in public?

Wether? Whether? Gah!

I still disagree, Birds. Mainly because it's not all about food at that age, but also because that argument doesn't stand up either - if you only ever feed them things which are beneficial, then that cuts out all sweets, treats, convenience foods, junk food, all of which are fine as long as they don't form the bulk of the diet. Plus, breastmilk is actually a very nutritious food source, if you wish to look at it this way.

In the second year (12-23 months), 448 mL (around 16 fl. oz) of breastmilk provides:
29% of energy requirements
43% of protein requirements
36% of calcium requirements
75% of vitamin A requirements
76% of folate requirements
94% of vitamin B12 requirements
60% of vitamin C requirements
-- Dewey 2001
www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

It's extremely useful to have on hand if they are ill as well, as it's very hydrating and easily digested, and the nutrients are easily absorbed. Medically it is classed as a "clear fluid" and the calming effect is hormonal too, which means in stressful situations it's often more effective than a cuddle or reassuring words. Chocolate has a similar (hormonal) effect, which you may have experienced yourself. How many parents use chocolate buttons for a combined distraction/calm down effect after jabs or minor bumps?

"because the child wants to"

Not a good enough reason. You don't let your 7 yr old eat sweets and biscuits all day "because she wants to" and you don't let her bite, hit, or otherwise terrorize other kids "because she wants to".

"because it brings comfort and reassurance"

A 7 year old should be able to get comfort and reassurance from hugs, kisses, and conversation. If your 7 year old cannot be comforted in any other way but by sucking on your breast, this is a worrying delay in her development.

"because it's a nice thing to do"

Meaning, mummy likes it? Mummy should find herself other hobbies.

"because it gives them antibodies"

A 7 year old has her own immune system and should be building up her own permanent antibodies, not relying on her parent's temporary ones.

"calming effect is hormonal too"

What is the name of this calming hormone that passes to the child in BM?

Even if true and meaningfully effective on the brain of a 7 year old, would you not rather be teaching her skills to cope with anger and frustration than hope to drug her with your BM?

1. There are also good reasons NOT to let children eat sweets all day or terrorize others. If there are no compelling reasons for or against something then surely it's just whatever suits each individual family.

1. Nobody said it was the only way they could get comfort, so that's a straw man argument.

1. Meaning, mother and/or child like it. Other hobbies? WTF are you implying?

1. The antibodies in breastmilk support a developing immune system, they don't hinder it.

I agree with cote and the other posters who said it infantalises a child who should be developing independence.

I think a few people missed the teenager who was under Physciatric care for dyfunctional family issues one of which was being breast fed? At what age would you stop, if there is no reason to as long as child Wants it and physically can?

There are compelling reasons why a 7 year old should not be breastfed. I have mentioned this in my post that replied to, so I can only assume you choose to ignore them.

Comfort through suckling is what an infant does, because she has no other means to cope. A 7 year old should be well on her way to learning other coping skills that she is more than capable of using. As a parent, it is your responsibility to help your child grow and learn the appropriate skills of her age, and not enable her to get stuck in the stage of oral gratification.

"Nobody said it's the only way they could get comfort"

If she can be comforted by a hug and a kiss after a fall, for example, why should "comfort by breast" be used at all?

If your daughter is distressed because she didn't do well at school that day, you should be talking to her about it, helping her cope with a bad day and giving her courage for the next one. NOT giving her a breast to suck on.

We can do this all day, but the fact is that a 7 year old does not NEED to breastfeed. Not for nutrition, not for comfort, and not for immunity. At this age, she is physically and mentally able to move on to other, age-appropriate means of emotional and physical sustenance.

What remains for "justification" is "because she wants to" and that is never a good enough reason to stay stuck in infancy. We don't let our children go on drinking water from a bottle, go to sleep sucking on a dummy, eat through the night, and poo in a nappy, or breastfeed at the age of 7 even though that would probably be what they want to do if we let them. This is because They Are No Longer Babies.

There is a natural progression of nutrition, emotional sustenance, thinking and acting as a baby grows and becomes a pre-pubescent girl. It is your responsibility as a parent to help this process and guide your child along it, not hinder it by letting your child get stuck in ways of an infant.

No wonder you think people shouldn't be breastfeeding a child - any child! I can't believe someone who describes breastfeeding in this way feels fine about people letting BABIES "suck on tits" any more than you do older children being fed - can you not just admit you are basically prejudiced against breastfeeding per se, because of your own warped view about sexuality / infant feediing / the female body?

It was me who said 'sucking on tits'.
I ebf two of mine. When they were babies.

I don't have a warped view of sexuality/feeding/the female body.
Breastfeeding a seven year old is warped.
NOT wanting to have a seven year old sucking on my tits isn't.

What a fucking stupid thing to say.

I didn't think they were compelling reasons. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

The justification isn't reduced to ' because the child wants it'. There isn't any need to justify normal term feeding if you are comfortable with it. The arguments against only have meaning if bf is seen as inherently wrong. That many posters see it this way is clear in their language choice.

A common description of bf from older children with memories of being bf is that it is like a great cuddle. I can't see the problem. I know well someone who does live in Mongolia, no one would be bothered there and whilst I appreciate the cultural dislocation if it caused psychiatric problems then that would be a society with dysfunctional people. My friend there has stayed because she loves the place and the people. She did find their approach to bf startling for many reasons but would insist that their families and society is much more functional than ours in many ways.

I feed a 3 yr old it doesn't even feel extended at all.normal, natural or ordinary . I don't think most can get it at all not unless they feed beyond 2 ish, well unless they are suddenly immersed in a society where it is unusually prominent -convinced my friend anyway.

It's amusing to read all these compacted theories on extended BF from people who've never done it. However, they are a load of rubbish.

Breast milk isn't magic and continuing to feed doesn't prevent the child growing up or learning other coping strategies.

Yes DD2 would feed for comfort if she was ill and having a cuddle on the sofa. Otherwise it was a very quick feed in an evening or if she woke early in the morning, very little different to her big sister grabbing a cup of squash or a cup of tea. Or the way you might enjoy a glass of wine.

The posters who think it's weird can think what they like. I can never change their minds.

I've only posted here is that any extended BFers who are lurking on this thread know they are not alone.

Then why do we have morphine if paracetamol is a painkiller too?

Not all forms of comfort are equal the same as not all painkillers are equal.

A hug and a kiss may work in some circs but if you have the ability to induce endorphins (the bodies own painkillers), oxytocin being released (the love/bonding hormone) and cholecystokinin (the sleep hormone) through nursing your child when they have seriously hurt themselves/they are seriously ill why would you watch them suffer just because??

A couple of examples:-

1. DD2 was seriously ill with a virus just before her 3rd birthday, she had climbed into DD3's pram and was drifting in and out of consciousness as she hadn't eaten in days and her fluid intake was minimal.

Luckily my MIL turned up then and took us to A&E (DD3 was having an asthma attack at the same time!). When we got there DD2 was assessed as being so dehydrated she needed IV Fluids and the nurse said they would have to take her blood sugar as children this dehydrated have very low blood sugar.

I did something I have never done before - I made my DD2 nurse (she was refusing everything else even pink milk), she nursed without complaint (previously if I offered she just shock her head but this time I just latched her on rather than offering) both sides like a newborn. The nurse came back to take her blood sugar and it was 5. No IV fluids and no low blood sugar. She had perked up enough to have a cup of cows milk ( horror she drinks cows milk too!!)

Funnily enough, I'd much rather DD2 had a big 2 sided bf than IV fluids and a hospital admission . She was sent home that evening after finally doing a wee. This was the virus that triggered her JIA - I don't know how she could have coped with the pain of it without nursing, her meds helped with the inflammation but didn't really do much for the pain. At her last appointment before she was declared in remission there was talk of naproxen - for a 3y/o with a ravaged stomach??

2. DD3 has had numerous admissions for bronchiolitis (very strong history of atopy on both sides) - hooked up to the monitors (O2 sats, heart rate) while nursing you could see her O2 sats go up and her heart rate come down. That didn't happen with her NG tube even while she was suckling her fingers in a nursing pattern.

Nursing is good for children, I get no joy from it (really and truly) but DH and I decided that we would 'let' our children get to the point of outgrowing it themselves rather than bringing them to that point prematurely. Why is that wrong, given the multiple 'benefits' of it for the child and for the mother (in terms of lowered cancer risks, etc not because they are emotionally dependant on it)?

I'd love to see these studies that have been mentioned that talk of harm to children because they chose to nurse into childhood. Any links?

I describe it like that because when one births a baby, one's breasts come into play as the source of nutrition and comfort that they are designed to be.
Once that infant has weaned, they become my tits again.

To be fair, Pictish can call her breasts whatever she wants it's not really anyones place to tell her otherwise.

Sorry last paragraph got mangled (RL interrupted), but you get the idea.

If you are BFing a toddler and see no reason to stop you are not alone.

Erm...I agree with you, except that still bfing a child of SEVEN is inappropriate and unneccessary, and just....blick!

Serenitysutton: "What I find ridiculous is the constant validation through what one does in Mongolia, or a desert tribe.

Surely you can see the irony at dismissing your own cultural norms to adopt those of another culture? Particularly when those cultures are envitably third world and desperately poor, uneducated and undeveloped."

It's not validation, it's about understanding that views on breastfeeding and diet in general are culturally-specific, not universal and instinctive. There are places in the world where it's quite normal to eat cat or dog - you might find that disgusting but that disgust is learnt, not innate.

The comment about the cultures being "uneducated and undeveloped" is rather unpleasant and says more about you than it does about them, I'm afraid.

"There was a thread last night about a dd starting her periods at age 9!! And that's not uncommon these days. Hope that doesn't happen to this 7 yr old!"

That's a really odd comment! What's the connection?!

The oft quoted 'nine year old' who supposedly was still nursing and was featured in the 'Extraordinary Breastfeeding' documentary first aired on Channel Four in February 2006....actually weaned like her younger sister at seven years old.

The documentary lied in several respects, I have read two articles from the child's mother one one is here, the other one (which I can't refind atm) talked about how the Channel Four producer gave the children pens and asked them to draw pictures of breasts and prompted them to talk about breastfeeding, all filmed scenes slanted to the documentary look interesting. Not a reflection of everyday life for that family at all.

---

The answer to every question raised on this thread can be read in Ann Sinnot's excellent book entitled 'Breastfeeding Older Children'.

Including interviews from children/adults whom remember nursing whilst young children, reading about the positive results of extending/natural term nursing on their lives.

Looking at why the people who have not experienced being part of a successful long term nursing relationship, have the cultural 'yuck...it must be wrong' attitude towards nursing older children. Outlines the studies which show nothing but positive results from breastfeeding toddlers and older children.

Very helpful book, especially when threads like this can be very hurtful to nursing mothers....labelling a natural fleeting biological interaction between yourself and a beloved child in such unrealistic aggressive terms.

So many unproven and unreasonable comments have been made about the act of breastfeeding, about nursing children of several ages, about nursing mothers. Sigh. :(

It boils down to this, if you haven't been part of a long term nursing relationship, you will never truly understand the point, even if your best mate does it and you watch and criticise, you'll still not 'get it'

But not understanding something does not make it wrong, it just makes it 'something you don't understand'.

'Sucking on my tits' wasn't intended as a sexualised term...it was intended a blunt description of what a seven year old would be doing to me, if I still allowed them to breastfeed.
There is no nutritional benefit to breastfeeding at seven, so it's not 'feeding' - it's sucking.