to think some parents are totally unrealistic about how schools work?

[CailinDana]

I'm a former primary teacher (now SAHM) and I loved my job but the attitude some parents had towards me and my colleagues was one of the worst aspects of being a teacher. Despite having never taught, and being a maximum age of eleven when they were last in a primary school, some parents seem to think that they know far better than teachers how to run a school.

Some threads on MN give me flashbacks to those parents. It just makes my blood boil when parents seem to be putting everything teachers do under a microscope as though they're bound to be doing something wrong. Some parents seem to be under the impression that teachers are minor dictators, completely controlling everything in the classroom with no professional standards or supervision. Other parents believe that a teacher, one solitary adult, should be au fait with every little aspect of every child's progress and ability (eg reading books) at all times despite having at least 25 children to teach. Who do they think teachers are? Where do they get these ideas from?

I do definitely think that parents should be involved in their child's education but I have seen good, hardworking teachers ground down by overbearing parents who question their every move. Teaching is a difficult enough job without feeling like people who have no real understanding of the job are constantly monitoring you. AIBU to think that to a large extent parents should trust teachers to have their children's best interests at heart and that they should try to have realistic expectations of what teachers can actually do?

echt it depends how it's put Lots of parents with children with ASD/ challenging behaviour are well aware that they are thought ineffective because of the tone used and the "helpful" suggestions.
I am one of the few who have never experienced this most likely because my ds behaves better for me than for anyone else and behaves far better at home than he does in school though.

echt yes I can fully see your point. But it depends on just how many times you are asked that question along with having a teacher who point blank refuses to believe there is anything wrong with your child and wont listen to any suggestions or reasons for it. I did say SOME teachers but most mothers/fathers have met at least ONE of those teachers in there childs lifetime.

CailinDana Wed 11-Jan-12 19:50:30
"The thing is, insanity, no matter who is involved in developing an IEP, the teacher is the one who has to implement it. If others in the IEP meeting are suggesting things that will just not fit with the classroom situation it's up to the teacher to say that"

Yes, but there is also the little question of the teacher being required by law to make reasonable adjustments to the classroom situation in cases of SN. Dd's teachers were always happy to explain why having a disabled child in the class simply did not fit in with their classroom situation- it did not seem to occur to anyone that it might be the classroom situation that needed changing.

also echt what some teachers (unless with a sn child themselves) are not aware is that during a medical assessment process. One of the first lines of enquiry is a thorough grilling of the parents, lives, right down to their shoe size. Each child, any traumas and so forth. With a child with an invisable disability that unfortunately shows in my son as bad behaviour because he cannot explain himself (he is not violent) by running away to a cupboard. The very first you are quite often met with is "its your fault" followed by parenting classes, and worse to find out WOW its not your fault after all. So this question makes parents of SN cringe big time.

Also parents of SN children especially newly founded have already torn themselves apart blaming themselves, thinking what they could have changed, what did they do wrong etc Its a horrible lonely road to travel.

cof33pot, I have no argument with the experience of the grilling by various professional bodies, but any teacher would still have to ask that question or be grilled themselves for not having asked something very obvious.

The tone I would always assume to be professional, though the parent, having been asked so many times, might well see it differently. Much in the way you have to keep repeating info when being bounced around systems on the phone.
Excuse the less serious scenario.:)

:) excused although I think the music intermissions are the most agrivating!

I think experiences differ when a child has more obvious difficulties. Ds started school unable to speak still in nappies but perfectly able to read, write and compute. He had a diagnosis and a statement in place before nursery so I think I was spared the judging (at least I think I was)
But for more able children whose difficulties become apparent only later I think it's quite common that a parents ability to parent is questioned.

It happens among other parents in the playground so I'm sure it happens inside school too.

CailinDana we are not all like that and annoying parents let the side down. Just as poor teachers let the side down. But most reasonable people can work this out for themselves. Annoying parents bug me as they take up so much of the teachers' time which I feel could be time better spent.

Truth is, some parents have unrealistic ideas of what goes on in the classroom.

And some teachers have unrealistic ideas of what goes on in the home, particularly when it comes to families struggling with SN.

However, most teachers are professional and sensible people who have a good understanding of the needs and possibilities of the children in their care. And most parents are experienced and sensible people who have a good understanding of the needs of their children and what can be achieved at school.

It's just that the Others, whether parents or teachers, stand out like a sore thumb.

And some parents have unreasonable expectations

And some have reasonable ones that aren't met.