women who 'get on better with men'

[bejeezus]

I would have said this about myself into my 20's. I have 2 acquaintances who are women who 'get on better with men' 'have more male friends than female'

Neither of this women IMO have what it takes to be a good friend. They are both quite fickle and seem to lack empathy,I wouldnt trust them or rely on them. I can't really put my finger on what it is about them; they seem a bit fair-weather

On reflection, when I was younger I was less open and was probably emotionally immature (compared with peers) and didnt really have any great girl-friends when growing (not that I recognised). Since having made good female friends,that i do appreciate- there is nothing like it. I think girl-friend relationships are much deeper and enduring and there is nothing like it

Whats your experience of women who 'get on better with men'?
AIBU if I think they are a bit rubbish?

I have had some really shocking experiences with women who I thought were friends. 2 of my best friends trying to get off with my boyfriend would you believe! Yes, we have more in common with eachother but it's not always good things in common. There is lots of jealousy and competitiveness and cliquiness. I have recently started back at work from maternity leave and there is an even mix of men and women in my team. Most are very nice but there is one woman who has made it plain she doesn't like me already. Sure enough the men are all very nice and kind and helpful. And before you get nasty it's not because I flirt with them.

choco and limited

and that is the same difference in perception that applies to a promiscuous male/female --'lucky' vs 'a slapper'

Sorry you have been bullied Spuddy - there are some nasty people about.

I must admit I do love a candle (especially a Yankee candle) although not as much as my DH who is nuts for nice-smelling tealights. :) How you can have a conversation about a candle for more than 30 seconds though is beyond me!! How on earth can you discuss candles at length??

Yes yes yes chocobo! So true.

Arf, that was in relation to men being just as bitchy.

There's an example further up the thread, with the poster whose exclusively male group of best mates regularly ditched her to go on lads only holidays. If they were a group of women no one would hesitate to label leaving one friend behind as bitchy, cliquey, and cruel.

And make bullies at school employ namecalling and bitchy psychological tactics as readily as girls. The myth of a bloke with a problem with you just throwing a few punches and then everyone shaking hands and being friends again is just that - a myth. Male bullies are incredibly emotionally cruel but no one calls them bitches.

I can only go on my experience but when a girl makes a nasty comment people call her on being a bitch. When a man has made a nasty comment to me (and I have had far nastier comments from men) then if I get upset I have been told that "he is just having a laugh".

I have known some horrible bitchy women who I am no longer friends with but I put that down to them being not very nice people rather than being that way because they are women.

I personally think the world would be a much better place if we all stopped generalising based on gender or race/sexuality whatever and just treated each person as an individual and upon what they are like as a person.

bejeezus - you're right about social perceptions of behavoiur differing down gender lines. What i said above wasn't intended to say "mum/sister is a slapper", instead i was trying to say "we can look more deeply at the motivations - and some people only look at one side and thus get these things terribly wrong".

One way forward might be to try and work out what comforts or scares people who seem to be acting in an extreme way.

Totally agree HoldMeCloser

Annamy social perception comment wasnt meant as a response to yourpost

I get what you are saying. I definitely feel that my prefernce for male friends when I was younger was down to my emotional immaturity

My DH gets on with either sex. He is quite happy coming out with just the "girls" but most of our male friends and family find it really odd and don't know how he does it. I find that really quite insulting.

I don't understand why immaturity = male friends unless you were an outrageous flirt or something...then yes you were probably immature...

Mumcentre - i don't think it's the male friends, it's the "only male friends" that is immature. If you're happy to be friends with people whoever they are, and it turns out that 95% of your friends do happen to be of one gender, because of circumstance, then no problem.

But if you're massively insecure about mixing with one gender or the other, then it might have the same effect but for rather different (and less helpful or sustainable) reasons.

I must have had a totally different experience then - all my peers (as i said previously only people i have met who think differently are older generations) have thought males equally bitchy to females, and have had equal views on men and women having sex (i grew up in a very liberal middle class area though).

I'm sure there is the same proportion of men who are dullards about football/cars as there are women who can be tedious about diets/candles etc.

However, i have just met more of the latter than the former.

btw i wasn't an outrageous flirt as an undergrad. But I was an outrageously vile snob, playing to the gallery to fit into an institution where some parts only let women in in 1989 (and the master of that college went on record on TV in about 1989 saying "women just don't have the thinking skills for university, do they)"

Or men being tedious about candles as in the case of my DH

*sorry the TV thing was about 1999

mumcentre - because I could get away with 'banter' and not talking about myself in much depth

I wouldnt apply that to friendship with men now as a 'grown up',but some poster have. But it applied as a late teenager/ early 20's

As I got more confident and wanted to share experiences and thoughts of the world..I found that I warmed towards women in a way that I hadnt in yonger years

To anyone who talks about what a scintillating environment it is working with men instead of women: have you ever attempted in an even limited male environment, to express an opinion about 'male' topics such as sport, fitness, comedy, drama, crime, law, economics, politics, current affairs, history, WW2, WW1, the Falklands War or any other confict in the history of the world etc etc?

In other words: real issues that most men think of as their territory without question and some women are willing to concede.

It is wearying but I'm a determined little person and I insist on giving the benefit of my opinion.

On the whole, the men who don't want to defend their opinions, because they can't and have no qualifications apart from what's between their legs, don't like it. The rest of them can cope.

All in all, bitching about the shortness of someone's skirt doesn't even come close. Because some men do that too and worse.

I always got on better with men for the simple reason that I wasn't one, I wasn't expected to understand them and they weren't expected to understand me. Within the gender mystery was a lot of respect. I often found that my female peers lacked that. Not because they were women, but because I was too and therefore it was assumed I'd know what the fuck they were on about.

I don't prefer men. I'm just not expected to understand them.

i had to really force myself to by a nice smelling candle for xmas and i couldn't bring myself to light it - such is the psychological scarring!!

Honestly, if you saw it on a comedy show you'd think well that's just unrealistic, no one is that boring and pointless. BUT THEY WERE!!

limitedperiodonly Yes I have, and as long as I didn't waffle (something I find hard) I have never experienced many issues, other than from the terminally sexist.

Same on the flip side, I've worked in all women environments too, and can keep up with a general conversation if I adapt my language (but never my opinion) if I ever did experience hostility it was because I was another woman, one who didn't happen to share their views.

There's men out there who are twats, there's also women out there who are twats, but I'm expected to 'get' them.

aldi I like your explanation

I think it is very self aware and honest

and maybe how i felt,but didnt know it!

i agree aldi i hate being 'colluded' with as if i know wtf some women are on about, (just because we have the same gender) then looked at like an alien when i don't.

aldi/spuddy agree - goes back to what I said about treating people as individuals

aldi I agree with you.

All male or all female environments are usually bad. A male friend doing the same job as me who worked in an exclusively male environment was the first I'd met to admit that.

The best places I've worked have been mixed - and the best were mixed for gender, class and race.

But the best environments are people who get on with people: full stop.