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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:46
Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:46

gumby- you could be right, if certainly affects the way I view the situation. Cider is nasty Wink

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:46

Gumby, I kind of want your life right now.

Spidermama · 10/01/2012 16:46

Worraliberty GREAT name. Grin

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:47

Sometimes I have in the past ran to the end of the road to post a letter leaving the kids alone & sleeping
Our tumble dryer is in the garage so I leave them to get the washing in, a car coukd easily knock me down doing that
I'm giving it until 17.27 before some mentions MM

CrabbyBigbottom · 10/01/2012 16:47

"Doubt I could be run over by a car in my own garden, next to my own fence, nattering to a neighbor!" No but a tree could fall on your head, or the fence could collapse and you be mortally wounded, or a plane could crash land on you head... best not to go in the garden any more - think of the children!!

I'm not sure why you're feeling smug that your DH is teetotal either Quint - that'd bore the fucking pants of me. Different strokes for different folks, eh?

ThisIsANickname I couldn't agree more!

PurpleRayne · 10/01/2012 16:48

One of mine learned to climb out of the cot at eighteen months. It was unexpected :-(

grubbalo · 10/01/2012 16:49

I agree he was a bit stupid but also agree all the dealbreaker comments are way too OTT. He's said he won't do it again - fair enough you were annoyed but he presumably weighed up the odds and (ok, misguidedly) thought it was ok.

And yes, I've been known to have drunk a couple of glasses of wine when I've been on my own with the children. And there were times at Christmas when neither DH or me would have been safe to drive. Am certain we weren't the only ones to be in that position. And also fairly certain my DH would be pretty "with it" after 4 pints, I'd certainly not be worried about him being in sole care of the children after him having that over the course of an evening - and yes, I suppose he'd have to ask a neighbour to drive him to hospital if "something" happened - but then so would our 16 year old babysitter. There are some real over reactions on this thread.

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:49

Thisisanickname Grin

Why are people wishing lorries to strike me down in my lounge?!!

SparkleSoiree · 10/01/2012 16:49

There is still a risk. I can tell the difference in tone of my children's cries/noises if something is an emergency or not. You do not have the ability to decipher if you are not even within earshot of the house. So who will be looking out for that small risk on your behalf?

My concern, if it were me, is that my DH choose to leave our child in a house for an apparent 5 minutes with that risk exposed (however small) to satisfy his need for alcohol. More than one issue there.

Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:49

Exactly the point, we take risks all the time, but this one was stupid and not worth it.

Not saying its a deal breaker but the whole situation (DH and booze in general) would have me worried about his priorities and ability to care for his child. That in itself might none a deal breaker if things continued that way.

Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:50

Grrr, none = become

somedayma · 10/01/2012 16:50

probably because I don't have kids...I don't see what the big deal is. What is possibly gonna happen in five minutes?

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:50

'One of mine learned to climb out of the cot at eighteen months. It was unexpected :-('

Really? Unexpected?!! Did you think they'd never learn to climb out?!

DaenerysTargaryen · 10/01/2012 16:51

I think quint was being a bit sarky...

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:51

Dont be daft Crabby? How often do planes fall down in peoples gardens? And how often do trees suddenly fall on peoples heads? Statistically, more often than people have accidents out on the street?

SuePurblybilt · 10/01/2012 16:51

Spidermama, what do you mean 're think risk assessments'? It's not exactly practical to not take children out of doors, is it? It's quite easy not to leave them in the house when you go to the Spar for cider. Sorry but you make no sense.

And I would disagree that most of us are living life worrying about the worse case scenario, that's ridiculous. I am extremely pro-risk, or pro-managed risk, in childhood, I teach outdoor adventure to pre-schoolers ffs. I don't think this situation is a sensible or necessary risk, that doesn't make me a crackpot.

DaenerysTargaryen · 10/01/2012 16:52

dd1 didn't gumby! never! I'm expecting dd2 to do it any minute now at the grand old age of 4 mnths Grin

SardineQueen · 10/01/2012 16:53

I wouldn't do it and DH wouldn't do it
But honestly I don't think it's the end of the world and he is mortified and won't be doing it again so that would be good enough for me I think

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:53

I don't know why some of the posters seem to be reveling in their blase attitude to child saftey, like you think its a superior way to bring up children?

I didn't realise it was mad to want to keep your children safe when you can.

now i am Confused

Sidge · 10/01/2012 16:55

Prioritising the purchase of alcohol over the safety of a child makes someone an absolute twat IMO.

I would be raging.

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:56

It's not mad, but it's not enough to break a marriage up over

SuePurblybilt · 10/01/2012 16:58

OTTMummA, it always turns out like this. Same as the smoking/drinking AIBU threads, they just end up with a few posters congratulating themselves on their laid-back, hip approach.

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:58

"Dont be daft Crabby? How often do planes fall down in peoples gardens? And how often do trees suddenly fall on peoples heads? Statistically, more often than people have accidents out on the street?"

I once dislocated my knee when being a bit silly and doing a hop in my garden. For anyone who hasn't dislocated a knee, my left leg was completely useless and I wasn't good for much besides writhing around in pain on the ground. If any children in my care needed me, I couldn't have gotten to them. End of.

Based on that information, if I posted being furious about my DH being a bit of a twat and jumping from the stepping stones in our back garden on his way into the house, meaning that he was at greater risk of being hurt and therefore unable to attend to the needs of DC, would you all think my anger was justified?
Or would you tell me to remember that although, yes, he could have gotten injured, the liklihood was minimal and he wasn't so I should probably calm the fuck down?

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:58

I think the bit that I take exception to is that he was MORTIFIED.
Why was he actually mortified?

Was he so tipsy he did not think clearly? Was he too tipsy to think about the consequences?

I honestly dont get why on earth he was mortified after, unless he had not realized what he was doing. .... Sad