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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
TheRealMrsHannigan · 10/01/2012 16:18

Those saying nothing bad could happen in 5 minutes, I recently had to watch a fire safety dvd at work, it filmed the development of a house fire, started by an overloaded plug socket in the living room. Within six minutes, the heat of the fire in that room was over 800 degrees, and burning plastics had created toxic smoke. By 5 minutes that fire was well underway and the stairs were impassable.
Please do not believe 'nothing can happen in 5 minutes'. That dvd was certainly a wake up call for me.

OP, luckily your toddler was ok, this time, you need to make your OH see how serious his actions were.

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:18

Do you have a source for that, PL?

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:18

He wasn't drunk when he went out, but had consumed 2 bottles of strong cider and a beer when I got home

Small bottles or 2ltr bottles?

TheProvincialLady · 10/01/2012 16:19

There isn't a specific age - it is all about appropriateness ThisIsANickname.

toddlerama · 10/01/2012 16:20

YANBU to be furious. Do you think he knew this was wrong and did it anyway, (in which case you can't trust him with anything) or was he shocked by your reaction (in which case it wont happen again, lesson learned). It seems bloody obvious that you don't leave a toddler alone in the house for any length of time but maybe he has no clue. In which, make sure he's up to speed on ALL the basics and assume he is an idiot.

We lived next door to the local shop when DD1 was a baby and neither of us ever went there whilst she was asleep. Even though the garage at the bottom of the garden was further away and we did go to the freezer there Confused. We both kept saying it was a silly thing to be in a quandary about, but we still never did it. Just would have been 'wrong' to leave our property. In fact, I once woke her up and put her in a snowsuit so I could get a pizza from the shop Blush.

CrabbyBigbottom · 10/01/2012 16:20

God almighty what utterly over the top responses. Hmm

Presumably if he'd climbed out of his cot then he'd have had to negotiate a closed door too? How likely is it that a fire is going to break out in five minutes?.

And since when has it been irresponsible for a parent to have a few glasses of alcohol in their own home?? Hmm

Original poster
Tinaland · 10/01/2012 16:20

750ml, 8.2%

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 10/01/2012 16:20

A source for the child who died in the fire? Sorry no, but I did read it in the Guardian if that counts.

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:20

I nearly set fire to the kitchen and I was stood right beside the cooker. I had left a cloth too close to the stove and had accidentally switched the cooker on. It was amazing how much smoke there was, considering I turned it off within a couple of seconds.

Fire happens incredibly quickly.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:21

ProvincialLady It's only illegal if you leave the child in danger and haven't taken precautions to ensure their safety when they're alone.

If for example he had left a fire on in the room with some washing hung in front of it, he would probably be prosecuted for leaving the child alone for five mins.

If it had been an electrical fire for example, that no-one could have known would happen, then I'm sure he wouldn't be prosecuted as he wouldn't have done anything illegal.

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:22

Hmm sceptical
Confused confused

Although i don't know any back story, it was my first thought tbh, i can't believe a grown adult would leave his child alone in a house for anything other than an emergency, and i do not consider getting some cider an emergency.
The only reason i could think of was that the husband deliberatly doing something selfish and dangerous to make the op think twice about leaving him to 'babysit' again.
Trust me, i have know and heard a lot of men doing shit like this to get out of childcare.
So to me, it wasn't an unreasonable conclusion.

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:25

'Although i don't know any back story, it was my first thought tbh, i can't believe a grown adult would leave his child alone in a house for anything other than an emergency, and i do not consider getting some cider an emergency.'

I totally agree with that. I would be less concerned if he had gone out to buy formula milk or emergency medicine (although I would still consider it to be a lack of judgement), but it's the fact that he thought it acceptable to leave a baby to go out and buy alcohol. Very irresponsible.

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:26

OTTMummA and I agree with your second conclusion as well.

Tinaland does he ever show resentment when you go out?

Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:26

We live in an apartment and I wouldn't take the bins downstairs with my baby in his cot. I'd take the kids with me if I had to. What if the lift broke or some other random thing? You wouldn't know what the random thing is until it happened.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:27

750ml, 8.2%

So that's about 4 pints of cider and a can of beer?

Was he drunk when you go home?

SparkleSoiree · 10/01/2012 16:27

I would be furious. That action is wilful neglect surely?

jocie · 10/01/2012 16:28

the thing is crabby what if he'd woken up with the noise of the door being shut and had attemted to climb out but had fallen and banged his head. He could have been bleeding or unconsious or something for 5 minc before the oh came back, noticed and responded. 5 mins is a hell of a long time for a baby in that respect.
Thankfully nothing happened but the potential is there, and yes bad things can happen even if you are being attentive 100% but at least you (and everyone else ) knows that you were at least there and could responed immediatly.
As the op has said her oh seems sorry and so its unlikely that he will repeat this.

Whatmeworry · 10/01/2012 16:28

If he had gone for something other than booze, say babies nappies, would that change things?

Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:29

4 pints of cider and a beer? And OP was only concerned about the 5 mins away?

Wow. So many examples of how not to parent in one evening.

Spidermama · 10/01/2012 16:30

It was 5 MINUTES!! The toddler was in bed. You are all mad.

It could conceivably take five minutes to go up and comfort a crying toddler even if you were in the house. Maybe you're on the loo or, say, stirring something.

Honestly the hysteria on this thread absolutely beggars belief. All this stuff about, 'what if there were a fire?' etc ...

Next you should make sure he never, under any circumstances, uses a pen in the same room as your toddler because he could have someone's eye out.

God people get some perspective. Risk assessment is wildly out here.

Original poster
Tinaland · 10/01/2012 16:30

He's fine with me going out (he's out more than me!). He was a bit tipsy when I got in.

OP posts:
QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:31

What if he was run over by a car? What if he lost his key and could not get back in? What if there was a fire?

Why THE FUCK does he go out to buy alcohol when he has sole charge of his baby?

This would be a total deal breaker for me.

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:33

Not in my eyes whatmeworry.

You could go and get some when the partner came back, and put a towel underneath the child until then.

Spidermama · 10/01/2012 16:34

Wow people are actually saying it would be a 'deal breaker' for them. So you'd actually leave the father of your child, break up the family, because he left a sleeping toddler in the house alone for five minutes?

Get a grip.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 10/01/2012 16:34

For all those talking about head injuries and houses exploding it wouldn't change anything if DH had popped out for nappies instead of cider.

OP has said her DH is feeling bad/guilty for leaving child and upsetting OP so don't think there is any premeditation to get out of childcare. Just a stupid error of judgment. Everyone needs to calm down - its unlikely OP's DH will do it again.

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