Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 16:08

somebody having a dump in the same house would hear the thump of a toddler climbing out of his cot

unless your OH takes a dump at the local offy, of course

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:09

nothing bad happend, but it could've, and I'll struggle to trust him to 'babysit' again.

Cider isn't an essential item he couldn't continue his night without is it?
It isn't acceptable to leave a small restless baby alone for 5-10 mins at all.

Him looking after his own child isn't 'babysitting' either, it makes me want to vom when people think this is what a father is doing when he has children to look after, like he is doing the mum a favour,,,please!

And your reaction, that you will struggle to trust him again alone with your child is probably exactly what he was aiming for, so you don't dare have a night out again, enjoy yourself without him, and he gets out of having a boring night of 'babysitting'.

was he at least apologetic?

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:09

I may be completely missing something. Is he the father?

It could have. But bad things could happen if he was taking the bins out or bringing the laundry in. Just the same as something bad could happen if he was paying every bit of attention that he should. I mean, something bad could have happened if he bundled up the LO and brought him with.

But it didn't. Hold onto that. Remember that your DH thought he was safe (in a place that he can't get out of and bundled up nicely). He made a mistake but it's not like he went to the pub for an hour. He was gone and back in 5 minutes.

By all means, tell him that you are uncomfortable with it and that you'd appreciate it if he didn't do something like that again. But I don't think it's worth some huge row.

TheProvincialLady · 10/01/2012 16:09

(Sorry for lowering the tone but I am now laughing at the thought of dialing 999 with half a poo in my pants)

AnyFucker · 10/01/2012 16:10

or yes, smell/see the smoke of a house fire

unless you want your little family to be newspaper headlines, OP, I suggest you read your partner the fucking riot act

fishie · 10/01/2012 16:10

it isn't only that the toddler was 'ok' in the home that is the issue here, what if something had happened to dh on his journey?

squeakytoy · 10/01/2012 16:11

A house is not going to burn down in five minutes.

Supposing you had to go down the garden to bring washing in, or get something out of your garage/shed?

TheProvincialLady · 10/01/2012 16:11

Or, ThisIsANickname, tell him that if anything happened to the child while he was at the off license, he would be going to prison as it is not only irresponsible it is illegal.

squeakytoy · 10/01/2012 16:12

what exactly is likely to happen to a sleeping child in the space of five minutes?

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:13

Did no-one see the ' at the start and end of the word babysit?

I think that means she knows he doesn't 'babysit' his own child.

How far away is the shop OP?

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:13

OTT, the Hmm was because (unless I have completely missed some backstory) you have no idea what the OPs DH was thinking or why he did it and you are planting these bizarre seeds of oppression. Nothing said (yet) has indicated that the husband didn't want her going out or punishing her. She is the one who referred to the LO as "her" child. She is the one who said "babysit."

You are jumping to all sorts of unfounded conclusions that have me somewhat confused.

So I posted a confused face.

mumto2andnomore · 10/01/2012 16:13

I would be fuming too and if he thought it was ok I would be worried what other errors of judgement he may make. Its not the same as going to the loo/taking the bins out at all.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:13

What is illegal Provincial?

SuePurblybilt · 10/01/2012 16:14

It's not worth a row? He prioritised cider over the safety of his child. I'd say it was worth at least one.

Original poster
Tinaland · 10/01/2012 16:15

Woah, lots of responses, thanks!

Yes he's the father, he's mortified and apologetic, pretty sure he wouldn't do it again (and hasn't done it before). He wasn't drunk when he went out, but had consumed 2 bottles of strong cider and a beer when I got home :/

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 10/01/2012 16:15

I don't agree with what OP's DH did at all and would never do this myself BUT it was just 5 minutes and there are always threads on here about women leaving their DCs to nip to the shop and no-one reads them the riot act.

Yes, your DH was out of order but just tell him never ever to do it again and try and put it behind you.

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:15

I thought all children can't get out of their cot until the do, which could be any day, any time etc, i was mighty suprised one morning to hear a thump and little foot steps running into my bedroom when he was 20 months.

And it doesn't matter if he is the father or a sodding paid babysitter, NO ONE should leave a baby alone in a house at any time, its just a thing you don't do!

TimeWasting · 10/01/2012 16:15

He's made sure he doesn't have to stay at home in charge of the child again.
Wankers and their tactical incompetence is bad enough when it comes to badly washed pots, putting child in danger for alcohol is v. v. shoddy. Sad

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:15

TheProvincialLady I was under the impression that there wasn't technically an age minimum that you could leave a child alone.

If I am wrong, then I would probably add that to the reasons that he shouldn't do it again, that's for sure.

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:17

I'd be far more angry that he was getting drunk on duty than the fact that he left for 5 minutes, TBH.

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:17

squeakytoy my child, aged 19 months, climbed out of the cot, banged her head and had blood trailing across her face. We were in the house and heard her immediately. She was still half asleep, very dazed, we took her to A&E where they checked her out. She was fine thankfully.

That is what can happen to a sleeping child in a cot within five minutes.

TheProvincialLady · 10/01/2012 16:17

Leaving a toddler in the house alone. If SS heard about it they would be round like a shot. If there was a fire and the child was harmed, the parent would go to prison. There was a case a couple of years ago (admittedly the parent was away for longer but she left a sleeping child to go shopping and the house caught fire and it died).

Original poster
Tinaland · 10/01/2012 16:18

Shop about 2/3 mins walk each way.

OP posts:
Pozzled · 10/01/2012 16:18

Absolutely irresponsible. It's not comparable to taking a dump, or leaving the house for 30 sec to take the bins out. Maybe if the shop was literally next door, it was an essential item and he had a baby monitor with him it would be ok. But in all other circumstances it would be a real-breaker for me.

jocie · 10/01/2012 16:18

as someone else mentioned its not just that the child could have woken up and been crying ( for the full 5 mins ) as child could have been woken by the front door banging (and it could well have been more than 5 mins as how often to people say 'oh it was just 5 mins' when actually their not sure the exact amount of time)
But also what if somethign had happened to the oh on route to shop, its not beyond the realms of possibility that he could have had some kind of accident. who would have known that there was a baby in his house alone!