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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious that hubby left toddler home alone?

428 replies

Tinaland · 10/01/2012 15:48

My husband left my 18 month old home alone while he went to buy cider. It was 9pm and DS was asleep in his cot (he can't climb out) but was restless as he's got a cold. Hubby was only gone about 5 mins but I am furious and feel a bit sick that he left him.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/01/2012 16:35

the thing is crabby what if he'd woken up with the noise of the door being shut and had attemted to climb out but had fallen and banged his head. He could have been bleeding or unconsious or something for 5 minc before the oh came back, noticed and responded. 5 mins is a hell of a long time for a baby in that respect.

going back to the previous post, an overheating plug could start a fire while all the occupants are asleep in the house.. likely taking far more time than five minutes to wake them up.

there is every possibility that the father could trip and fall in his own house and knock himself unconcious, and nobody be able to help. Presumably if the shop is so local, he probably knows the people in the shop and if he tripped and fell in the street, was mowed down by a speeding bus, or any other delay, he would be able to either speak and tell people that there was a child in the house, or neighbours would know..

five minutes while a child is sleeping is no more risk than being asleep in the house while your child is sleeping..

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:35

Spirermama I'm not mad! :(

Honeydragon · 10/01/2012 16:36

I'd be furious. Cider is hardly an essential is it? If he'd realise there was hardly and electricity on the metre or something I could possibly understand.

SuePurblybilt · 10/01/2012 16:37

Spidermama:"So you'd actually leave the father of your child, break up the family, because he left a sleeping toddler in the house alone for five minutes? "

Nope, I'd consider it a major problem because he felt the need to drink X amount of cider outweighed the need to make sensible judgements about the safety of his child. Because someone who thinks their own selfish wants outweigh their responsibilities is a bit of an arse.

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:37

Spidermama, you only have to read the papers over xmas to see that even when parents are in the house with their children they can all perish in a house fire.
So it is not unreasonable to think that the risk of popping to the shop for 5 mins leaving your child alone is not worth it.
I would rather be safer than sorry, thats part of being a parent isn't it risk assesment, some people are rather lax about it, sad really.

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:38

'five minutes while a child is sleeping is no more risk than being asleep in the house while your child is sleeping..'

Disagree. If the smoke alarm went off, it would wake me up. It wouldn't help much if I was down the road in a shop.

My children are always within hearing distance, and I do wake up if they are sick or cry in the night.

CrabbyBigbottom · 10/01/2012 16:39

Jocie I take your point, but that could just as easily happen if you were hoovering/watching tv/listening to the radio downstairs, or in the garden etc. Unless you sit in silence within earshot of your sleeping child, it's always conceivable that the baby will wake up and fall out of their cot without you knowing.

DaenerysTargaryen · 10/01/2012 16:39

I've done it.

shoot me now

thankfully dp hasn't felt the need to 'pack my bags'

belgo · 10/01/2012 16:40

Has anyone mentioned the most likely delay in him getting back to his baby?

What if there had been a queue in the shop? I've waited ten minutes to be served in my local shop.

Ragwort · 10/01/2012 16:40

Agree with Spider - there are some totally OTT reactions here ............. I regularly left my DS in his cot asleep when I went to post a letter, sometimes I would bump into a friend and have a chat at the end of the road. Of course something might happen - but you can't live your life totally thinking about 'what if there is a fire' etc etc.

As to whoever said 'SS would be round in a shot if they knew' - I find that highly unbelievable - I do voluntary work with young vulnerable women, some of whom have babies and would love the support of Social Services - who are totally uninterested. Sad.

TheRealMrsHannigan · 10/01/2012 16:40

I agree with Belgo. At least if you are in the house and there was an injury or fire etc, you would not have the guilt, should anything bad happen, of knowing you'd pissed off to the shop to buy alcohol.

WorraLiberty · 10/01/2012 16:40

Look how many MNetters post to say the kids are in bed and it's 'Wine 'O' clock

Do none of them ever get slightly tipsy?

Do they all have partners who are tee total or stay home as soon as their wife opens a bottle of wine?

I don't know if the OP's DH was being unreasonable or not.

Going out to get alcohol and leaving the baby home is not something that would enter my head...if I didn't have it in then I wouldn't bother.

But some of the posts on this thread are leaning towards hysteria really.

SuePurblybilt · 10/01/2012 16:41

Yes Crabby but if you're a) sober and b) actually in the house, surely you have a much better chance of hearing and doing something about the problem?

Jnice · 10/01/2012 16:41

I think going out for diapers would be bad too, you could manage until SO gets home.

Of course bad things can also happen if you are home asleep but you have to sleep. It's not optional. Going out for cider for most people is optional. In which case the best option is to go without cider for one night.

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:41

my dh does not drink at all.

Wink
Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:42

So you guys have never taken the bin out, had a drink in the garden with the kids sleeping upstairs, nattered to a neighbour over the fence for longer than five minutes?

ThisIsANickname · 10/01/2012 16:42

Here's the thing, (and it's kind of a big thing) the LO is your husband's/DP's child too. As much as it may grate on your nerves, they are allowed to make choices in the watching and raising of them.

Sometimes we may disagree with those choices, but you are not the sole authority in your child's life.

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:42

I think the word cider has made you lot think he's an alcoholic

QuintessentiallyShallow · 10/01/2012 16:43

Doubt I could be run over by a car in my own garden, next to my own fence, nattering to a neighbor!

squeakytoy · 10/01/2012 16:43

People take chances and 99.9% of the time, absolutely no harm comes to anyone and life just carries on. You can have as many what ifs as you like, but houses rarely explode just in those five minutes that you are not there, nor do children throw themselves out of cots in those five minutes either..

I would take the risk. My parents took that risk I am sure. I know my mum would nip into the next door neighbours house when I was a todder having my afternoon nap.

People also make mistakes sometimes too..

My mother once got the bus home from shopping, then wondered what was missing and realised she had left me fast asleep in my pram outside Boots. I didnt come to any harm and she was back within about half an hour!

bonkersLFDT20 · 10/01/2012 16:43

Is the issue here, that he went to get cider or just that he was left alone for 5 mins?

I am really surprised that people would leave their husbands because of this.

Many bad things can happen to a child while you're right there with them...indeed there are threads about the awful things people have done themselves (dropped out of buggies, dislocated arms, spilt tea etc etc).

I would personally be more concerned that he was tipsy on my return. I think an unsettled baby is probably safer in their cot than in the arms (on the stairs) of someone who's had a few drinks.

Either way, I still would not leave my DH over it...unless they really didn't think they were in the wrong, but in that case it would be more a lack of respect than anything else.

Kayano · 10/01/2012 16:44

Can we please not mention cider til next month twitches I am craving it.

I would say DH was wrong but if it was a one off 5 minutes
I would give benefit of doubt this time and chin him if he did it again.

Spidermama · 10/01/2012 16:44

I don't know how you can live like this. Always planning for the worst case scenario. Focussing intensely on avoiding freak accident deaths. Does it leave much time and energy for enjoying life I wonder?

You probably take more of a risk every time you take your child out in the car or cross roads. You need to re-think your risk assessments.

Sorry thisisanickname. You haven't posted anything mad! Yet. Wink

Gumby · 10/01/2012 16:44

You better ring social services

Sometimes I put kids to bed, run a bath, put my iPod ear phones in., pour of glass of wine & relax of an evening.....

OTTMummA · 10/01/2012 16:46

It isn't a given that if the husband is knocked down by a bus/car he will be in a fit state to tell someone about the child, infact is he was knocked unconcious he wouldn't be able to at all would he.

Squeaky, i could of dropped down dead at the top of the stairs holding DC1 as a newborn and crushed him to death with my weight, there isn't anything i could do about that, but thats the point, as a parent, you can control to a certain extent the risks you take with your childrens saftey, ie, leaving them alone and defenceless while you pop out to get some alcohol, not knowing what could happen to you is one you can, if you choose to avoid.