In thinking that if you won't go out alone at night because you've got a vagina, you are actually a bit pathetic?

[solidgoldbrass]

Because, statistically, if you have a vagina, you are far more at risk of being murdered if you stay at home If your home has a man in it. Yet time and time again there's this 'Waa, waa, I need an armed escort or a male owner to protect me if I'm ever going to set a foot out of doors after dark. It's so unreasonable to expect me to use public transport or walk anywhere...'

I think our reactions are completely understandable. It has also changed the way I talk to my young DD about assessing risks when out and about. I am not paranoid but I know, from experience that these things do indeed happen and that being aware is much more important than trying to appear pc all the bloody time.

I was raped by a stranger.

I don't give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I will continue to not take a risk and walk anywhere that I, personally, consider risky. And I will continue to extend that to my DDs and their friends. Because I care about them, and I want to protect them.

I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I went through. There are one or 2 posters on here who will remember my original thread, and who I was raped by.

I am very lucky to be here today. Relatively unharmed. Before that, I thought I could do as I please. Now I know that, although I should be able to, I can't. Not without an unacceptable risk. And anyone who thinks differently is being ridiculously naive.

I'm sorry to say SarahStratton but I completely agree with you. I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through.

Since I haven't read the entire thread, I expect someone else has already said this - but opportunistic attacks by people you don't know aren't that likely to happen in your own home as opposed to out late at night in sparsely populated areas.
Sure, you're more likely to be attacked by your own man (if he's that sort of person) in your own home - but why would you leave yourself in that position?

Avoiding risk is sensible, wherever it may be found.

Stratters, that's shocking - didn't know that. :(

My parents lived just down the road from where Marsha McDonnell was murdered. I used to get that bus. I used to walk that road. I sure as hell was a lot more careful about where I went and with whom after that.

And I know that "why would you leave yourself in that position?" is equally ridiculously naive - all sorts of reasons why women in that position find they are unable to make the escape that could save them, I know that. But they are living with that risk all the time - and with help and support, they could avoid it - and with a better judicial system, they could be kept safer afterwards as well.

It was a long time ago now, Thumb. And I think I've mostly dealt with it.

I also agree with SarahStratton and many, many others on this thread. I am so sorry to hear what so many women have been through and it does piss me off that just because some women -myself included - choose to be risk averse we are accused of letting down the sisterhood. A casual acquaintance of mine was raped in broad daylight whilst walking through a local park. As far as I know he was never caught.

If DP or DS offers to pick me up I happily accept, if not I get the bus, train or taxi. And on the advice of friend who is a police officer (female), whenever I get in a taxi I always ring home and loudly tell DP, DS or the answer phone that I'm in a taxi, what company it is and that I'll be home in 20 minutes. I'm also lucky that I live about a 30 second walk from a bus stop but I would never think about walking any great distance home alone in the dark.

Maybe it's also because I was a teenager living in West Yorkshire when the Ripper was at large. That sort of thing sticks. It doesn't prevent me having an active social life or from going out after dark. I just choose to make sure that I get home safely.

sgb I think you need to admit defeat in this.

you have succeeded in upsetting alot of ladies for the sake of a random rant.

Fwiw. Walking along in the dark late at night UPS the risk of attack/rape. You're stupid to deny it.

For eg.

Rapist on the prowl in the day = no, someone might see

Rapist on the prowl at night = I have less chance of being caught coz its dark and not likely anyone will see.

Nope. No intention of 'admitting defeat'. I stand by what I said.

Ps. I'm sorry you had to experience that ss

But its total bollox

Statistically speaking, the risks of getting attacked within a few hundred yards of my particular workplace after dark is fairly high- given that it happens several times a year.

Statistically speaking, the risks of getting attacked in my house by my husband would seem to be rather low, seeing that it has never happened in the course of nearly 30 years.

I shall still continue to walk home alone after dark since I choose to take a risk and that is my prerogative. But it is not pathetic to recognise that there is a risk and where the risk lies.

And by the way I am a lesbian, so I don't have a male "owner" but my DP and I take care of each other and give lifts and organise taxis so that we don't have to walk home alone in the dark. I don't care what anyone thinks. Twice in the past couple of years I have not done this and on BOTH occasions I was flashed at.

Well done for taking steps to be safe cherry x

ah but you see Cherry, from SGBs point of view it was OK to be flashed at, because you werent being intimadated into staying safe!!!

I hate to say this but on the second occasion I was with my DD who was then 6 years old. It was so vile and disturbing.

SGB, YANBU.

I blame the car culture meself.

You really detest women, don't you solid.

When I was at my Mums for beer and carols in the pub just before Christmas, she insisted on walking me to the bus stop as it was dark! Even though she had to walk back again by herself Then about half an hour after I left, she phoned, and insisted on chatting to me until I was inside my front door 'just in case'

Mum, I am a 27 year old mother of 2! I am capable of leaving the house alone! Although I am pleased that you care :)

INEED my mum is 63, Im still her baby.

I know MJ I still am her baby! Just find it funny that she wont let me out after dark! Funny in a good way though :)

The man who raped me is now in prison for rape and murder. He is a serial killer, and I was one of his early victims.

I hope to God SGB,that neither you nor anyone you know, ever has to go through anything like that. I have been told, on more than one occasion, how lucky I am to be alive.

Your attitude sickens me. So much that I can't sleep.

Oh Stratters! (((hugs)))
You aren't going to change her mind.
But then most people on this thread don't agree with her anyway - take comfort from the saner ones who think it is sensible to avoid unnecessary risk. Hope you can get some sleep soon.

OMG Sarah I had no idea about that. I'm so sorry.

I made my brief comment upthread about sitting on the fence in response to SGB's OP - I hadn't actually read the thread at all, but I can see perhaps I should as I realise just from looking at the last page it has become quite a heated debate. I will retract my over-simplistic statement until I have read the thread properly in light of the last few posts I have seen.