AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

[nevermore]

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

I can virtually guarantee that if I'm in the middle of putting the washing out or something outdoors,my eldest's head will poke out of the door or window and inform me that my youngest is stuck upside down in the toy box (or something similar) and I need to come and do a rescue......

And if the severely hungover and fuzzy headed adults had not been there, there would have been no fire.

You cannot let life revolve around what-ifs. What if the keyboard I am typing on suddenly develops a fault and electrocutes me? etc.

At one point you have to allow your children some independence. As I said earlier in this thread, we don't know these children, the parents in question do.

cory

For those who said their children can't use the phone please, please teach them how to ring 999. What happens if you faint and hit your head or something like that?
We take calls from children, and a lot of the time they are very very good and calm. If they ring from a landline we can get the address and they can usually follow the instructions we give. If they're not tall enough to open the door we find another way, posting keys through letterbox, opening a window etc
Teach them how to ring 999 early and what it is for, it's a skill they may need as an adult anyway just like making a cup of tea or how to boil an egg

Sorry will stop ranting now
A first aid course is never a bad thing either, I wish they would teach basics in all schools even if it just to put water on a burn and put pressure on a cut

exotic - turn the cooker on and leave a teatowel draped over the hob - pull it off in a panic and let it brush against their clothes...

My mind boggles! I leave an 8yr old watching TV telling him I will be back in 10 mins and that he can ring me on my mobile if he has a problem, or pop next door where I know my neighbour is in, and he waits until I am out and turns the cooker on and places a teatowel over the hob WHY?!
I would think that I had failed as a parent if I had such a stupid DC! I certainly wouldn't go out leaving him.

People learn by experience, if you remove all risk from a DC how do they learn to deal with it? The only time that I had a power cut when I was babysitting was for an 8yr old girl. It happened before she went to sleep and she was the one who found the torch and she was the one who phoned her parents about candles because she was better at seeing the numbers on the phone (days before mobiles and numbers lighting up).

If you have a DC who is irresponsible then don't do it BUT do start on things while you are there with 'what would you do if.....' , make sure they can use the phone, start letting them boil kettles, chop onions etc. They will never become responsible unless they are given some responsibility.

What happens if you faint and hit your head or something like that?

A lot of mothers think they are immune! It is strange, they never think it can happen to them but they are certain it will happen to a DC if they are unsupervised for a couple of minutes. Weird. Any mother alone with her DCs can have an accident and knock herself out. I tripped over the back door step and broke an arm when the DCs were small-done in seconds out of the blue. I could easily have knocked myself out at the same time and they would have to have done something.

Is this not a case of, on the whole, people with younger children simply having no understanding of how capable an even slightly older child can be?

I was serious when I said my 7 year old DD1 would love to be left alone with DD2 and to be honest although I would never leave her home alone with her she is perfectly capable of providing short term care: she can change a nappy, feed her a meal and comfort her if she falls over and bangs her head. She loves doing this and I am quite certain doesn't consider it any sort of burden or chore.

She can bake a cake (although tbf I closely supervise it in and out of oven) and my 5 year old is perfectly capable of making a sandwich and using the phone.

I agree with exotic how on earth do children learn to do anything without experience?

I think you're right.it's obvious on this thread that some people think 4 and 6 year olds are roughly similar in competence. I remember once on a similar thread listing the things my 9 year old could do, and, I think I wasn't,t believed. They were quite normal things, like make a cup of tea, read a train time table and use a sharp knife, but the parents of littlies were sceptical.

Is this not a case of, on the whole, people with younger children simply having no understanding of how capable an even slightly older child can be?

Partly, also I think it is a typical cotton wool parent reaction, based IMO of people being unable to correctly see risk ( as the poster above you notes)

My lovely, capable (and complete role model for my children) 8 yr old neighbour is a full time carer for her mum..... She would laugh at all the horror and gasping on mumsnet. She gets on with it - if something needs cutting she cuts it, she has even been known to USE MATCHES, if something needs buying she gets on a bus and goes and buys it!!!

So OP - yes - I think YABU.

Of course mad ax murderers always knock and wait............

In our house the living room window overlooks the front door - if it was my kids they would look then answer if it was one of my friends. After all, they could be coming to say that I had fallen/been hurt/delayed etc.

If it were not to be one of my friends, they would not answer. Perhaps the same happened with the kids in the OP case....

TBH everlong the fact that you, a grown woman, don't open the door in the evening ( we're not talking early hours of the morning here) speaks volumes

Does it, Sara? I don't open the door either if I'm not expecting someone. Why should I?

I've been living on my own for 15 years without a man to protect me, it is truly a miracle I am still alive

I have anxiety and agoraphobia, is it ok if I don't open the door? Or am I just being a pathetic woman?

You think it's ok for an 8 and 6 year old to open the door late evening? How would they know it was a family friend calling? It could have been anyone and I know the risk of it being a knife wielding murderer is minimal but even I wouldn't just open the door at night if dh was out.

Says it all really.

Most 8 yo could understand "don't open the door until I come back" anyway.

Of course yellowraincoat - you've acknowledged that you have anxiety disorders. But to suggest it's normal and sensible not to open the door unless there is a man in the house is a bit bonkers.

Not really, people could have any reason not to answer the door. Even when I'm feeling well, I can't always be arsed to speak to people. And I certainly wouldn't suggest an 8 year old alone in the house opens a door when they have no idea who's there.