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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be 'judgy' over my friend leaving her 8 & 6 year old home alone for 10 mins?

283 replies

nevermore · 06/01/2012 15:52

Popped round to see a friend the other night and her two boys answered the door saying both parents had popped out. Was rather shocked since they are 8 & 6. OK it was a short time and only a few streets away but they went by car (therefore risk of being involved in crash) and it was late evening. I told her I was shocked and thought that if police had called they could have been in trouble. More worrying though to me is fire etc. Am I being a smug suburban mother (am certainly not perfect) but I find this quite shocking & suspect we may fall out a bit over it.

OP posts:
Oakmaiden · 07/01/2012 22:22

exotic - turn the cooker on and leave a teatowel draped over the hob - pull it off in a panic and let it brush against their clothes...

But just because it is possible doesn't mean it is, on the balance of risks, likely...

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 22:22

That wasn't my point Smile. My point is, if the unexpected happens even as an adult you dont know how you're going to react until you're in that situation. Like I said, each to their own, personally I wouldn't leave them.

workshy · 07/01/2012 22:31

I don't even leave my 10 year old well I would for a little bit but tried it for 10 minutes and she freaked herself out with all the little noises in the house and never wants me to leave her again

I think 8&6 is far too young and I am always shocked by how many people think it's perfectly ok

our primary won't even let the children leave the grounds without an adult until year 6!

cory · 07/01/2012 22:37

But that is your dd, workshy, not everybody else's. My ds was perfectly happy to be left for an afternoon last year when he was 10 and certainly didn't freak out; he relished his me time. I remember being the same at his age (several noisy brothers).

My nephew stopped going to after school care when he was 9 and spent his afternoon alone fixing his own meals and practising his music; it was his choice and he came to no harm. Though admittedly this was in Sweden where they are more relaxed about these things.

A school naturally has to be more careful as they cannot know each child closely and have to have the same rules for all children. Even so, our primary lets Yr 5 children walk home alone- which I would say is a good deal more dangerous than sitting at home watching the telly.

Oakmaiden · 07/01/2012 22:48

our primary won't even let the children leave the grounds without an adult until year 6!

Whereas the one I worked at was happy for them to walk to and from school unaccompanied from year 4 - so 8 years old.

We also had a Play scheme nearby - ofsted were happy for that to operate with children aged 8 and over coming and going unaccompanied....

McHappyPants2012 · 07/01/2012 22:52

8 is too young, especially as they answered the door

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 22:59

Here's another example. One night my radiator in the bathroom started pissing out water. It went through to a light fitting downstairs and blew the electrics. The kids were terrified, whole house in darkness. Pretty harmless, but if I hadn't been there what would they have done?

countessbabycham · 07/01/2012 23:03

thefroggy I find a power cut scary enough let alone the kids if they were in by themselves!Mine would be terrified! Similarly if a daddy long legs flew in!

cory · 07/01/2012 23:06

But at some point presumably we do have to leave our children alone at the risk of them being freaked out by power cuts or daddylonglegs, non? Sooner or later they will have to start learning to be grown up.

So who decides when that point should be? And is it likely that it will be the same for every child?

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 23:12

True cory, how would you have reacted to a power cut at eight years old though? On your own, whole house in darkness? Honest question.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease · 07/01/2012 23:12

I think they are far too young to be left on their own. I can't believe so many people on here think its ok to do so!

cory · 07/01/2012 23:19

thefroggy, not sure I would have done worse at 8 than at 13 tbh. I was quite a calm competent person at 8 and well used to being out and about or alone in the house on my own; more hormonal and emotional by the time I got to 13 (and had read more horror stories)

highlandcoo · 07/01/2012 23:26

Have only read first and last two pages so sorry if this has already been discussed - what is the legal position on this? I could be wrong but if something happened to the kids, wouldn't the parents be charged?
I wouldn't leave mine alone in the house till end of primary school age. That gives them plenty of time to become independent before they go to uni or whatever I think

fuzzynavel · 07/01/2012 23:29

Depends.

I'd pop to the shop for something. I'd go across the road to speak to a neighbour.

I don't think I'd drive anywhere though. But then I live in London and don't need to.

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 23:29

Really? At eight would you have calmly found the fuse box and turned the electric back on for it to blow again, then found a torch and calmed your six year old screaming sibling all whilst water pissed through the ceiling and flooded the kitchen? Would you be ok with that? If so I salute you Grin

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/01/2012 23:30

Power cuts are not that common anymore. I cannot remember the last time we had one. They are not something I worry about when I nip to the shops without my dc.

Dd1 has a mini laptop with a fairly decent 9 cell battery, so I would imagine they'd attempt to locate that, by the time they'd managed to find it I would be back. We also have recently purchased several warewolf and ghost scaring torches. Much of house is darkness most of the time atm in order to fully test them out, so I doubt they'd even notice a powercut atm.

countessbabycham · 07/01/2012 23:31

We get power cuts quite regularly.One of the delights of a rural area!

countessbabycham · 07/01/2012 23:33

highlandcoo I don't think there are any ages set in law.But I may be wrong.

cory · 07/01/2012 23:42

thefroggy Sat 07-Jan-12 23:29:25
"Really? At eight would you have calmly found the fuse box and turned the electric back on for it to blow again, then found a torch and calmed your six year old screaming sibling all whilst water pissed through the ceiling and flooded the kitchen?"

tbh I wouldn't have been able to deal with the water pissing through the ceiling at 15 either- not sure I would have known what to do when I was a uni student either, except call a caretaker/neighbour

as for the power cut on its own, finding the torch would be sufficient for a 10 minute wait would it not?

in fact, I seem to remember that this did happen one evening when I was alone with my brothers as a child and we lit a torch and waited for our parents to come back

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 23:47

Then like I said, you have applause from me Grin

My kids would however have been very frightened at that age!

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/01/2012 23:49

When I was 25 and dd1 was just 4 my sister and I managed to set the grill alight, I mean properly on fire. At one point there was flames almost touching the ceiling. My sister and I stood flapping and arguing over whether it was a fat or electrical fire or both and what we should do about. we eventually settled on ringing our more sensible sister who shouted at us.

Dd1 wandered out tapping away at her NDS and nonchalantly announced "You could always try putting a damp tea towel on it, like on Nina and the Neurons" and calmly wandered back out.

Sometimes the children cope better than adults.

AnnieLobeseder · 07/01/2012 23:54

I clearly remember being 6 years old and out in the woods with my brother, who was 4 or 5 (this was in Korea) and coming across an electricity sub-station with the gate unlocked and open. My brother wanted to go in and play; I didn't let him. I was sensible enough to know it was dangerous. We used to catch buses into town to buy sweets. To be fair, we were supposed to walk, not catch the bus as my mum worried we'd get on the wrong one and end up in the next town over. But we did it anyway, got there and back.

When I was 8 and my DB was 6 we were running feral. This was in South Africa (I get around a lot), supposedly we were being looked after by the domestic help while our parents were at work, but all the neighbourhood kids just did what we liked - went out, walked for miles, played in empty lots. We showed up at home before our parents got in.

I leave DD1 (6yo) alone for 5-10 mins here and there. I tell her not to open the door and leave her with the phone set on speed dial to call me if she needs me. I think she worries about it more than I do. She's very sensible and has never shown the slightest inclination to light the hob or play with matches.

How on earth do you teach your children independence if you never give them any? Children used to be considered adults at 11 or 13. I can't believe some of you wouldn't trust children as old as 10 to be left alone - why are you not teaching them to look after themselves?

It's all very well to say that something might happen. But if you give your children responsibility and put them in mildly risky situations, they learn how to deal with risk and solve problems. If you wrap them in cotton wool and never let them do anything on their own, how will they grow into free-thinking independent adults?

countessbabycham · 07/01/2012 23:54

coryI could do with you next time DH has gone to bed and I'm up watching The Walking Dead(or such like) - I always have to have a torch next to me because I'd shit myself if we had a power cut Grin

thefroggy · 07/01/2012 23:57

yes dooin, sometimes they do, but there were two adults present, that is the difference. Your dd knew you were there to deal with it so didn't worry or panic.

cory · 07/01/2012 23:58

ah well, I think the trick may be not watching The Walking Dead in the first place, countess Wink