To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

Malificence,

You have so much anger for a guy you don't know based on so little, it is incredible. Do you have any evidence that he "fucks" it, to use your delightful terminology? If it is in the shed, it suggests to me it is discarded. Maybe he thought it would make a handy pot for some begonias.

I see your difference but don't know why you would be furious. You seem to think you have a right to know all of your husband's doings, even if harmless and solitary. I would not like to be in such a suffocating relationship.

I have bought my wife one vibe (sorry if TMI) but if she has another one squirelled away and uses it when I am out, would I care? Not one iota. I would think good for her. Some people don't want to share everything and have every right not to.

larry PMSL @ "quiet frig"

If you had a non existent sex life and a troubled relationship with a wife who refused to discuss it, and found a large plastic cock hidden away in a place she spends time alone you might feel differently larrygrylls

I wouldn't like to be married to you either Larry.

You're no Tony, that's for sure, he doesn't talk back

I had a friend who found a fleshlight in her fitted wardrobe. It was in a black bin liner.

She emptied it out in front of the builder who'd come round to do a quote for new wardrobes.

Excellent.

DH bought me a vibe for my birthday last year, he calls it "outsourcing"

It's broken though from overuse

The whole 'fleshlight' thing makes me suspect I've been right all these years about men being a little too attached to their torches.

Mildly PMSL

A vibrator is not the equivalent of a fleshlight, a fleshlight is a replacement for sex with a woman, it's meant to feel realistic - a vibrator is normally a non penis shaped enhancement to sex / sometimes the only way a woman can have an orgasm.

A very realistic dildo with balls and veins seems to me the equivalent, a replacement penis, I don't see too many men being happy with that.

Hey girl, hope he gave you a better time than he gave me.

Thats true. The reason Rabbits became so popular is that they don't look like cocks.

Oh Lordy. I have just looked at Zara on Holiday. I am weak from laughing.

So is it all about aesthetics then? Own a sex toy that looks like a body part and you are pathetic. Also, own a sex toy without telling your partner and you are pathetic?

Let's face it, a guy coming on here expecting everyone to join him in ridiculing his wife because he found a penis shaped toy hidden away would be told he is clearly inadequate, must have a very small dick (nowhere is as obsessed with size as MN), and he should not let the door hit him on the arse as he fucks the fuck off to Looserville! Weird.

I know a MNer who's met Larry's wife (she's a Mumsnetter too) and they post under their real names.

I bet she's delighted you've mentioned her "vibe"

I'd bag it and bin it.

If he doesn't use it, he won't miss it and therefore it won't matter that it's been binned.

If he is using it, I wonder if he'd really come back in from his shed and ask 'Have you seen my plastic wank-fanny, I'm sure I left it in the shed'

'You have so much anger for a guy you don't know based on so little, it is incredible'

Agree with above statement.

Also feeling sorry for the OP's DH TBH. He's entitled to fuck plastic if he want's to, I do too, and (shock horror) without DH's consent.

Way to go, ridiculing your DH on here (and encouraging posters to do the same), poor bastard.

I am sensing more hylarity than anger to be honest - maybe my sense of humour is better tuned

even if I can't spell!

Are some men posters seriously upset that we make fun of a guy who refuses to discuss his relationship and instead goes to wank into a tupperware twat inside a shed?

I'm not angry, I think it's funny and would tease DH something rotten for not telling me about his plastic woman.

He would take the shame well, though.

Anger?
No, plenty of contempt for a very inadequate sounding man though.

So you also wouldn't mid taking a ribbing found to own a dildo in your shed?

I mean really if this guy uses it why would it be in the shed....maybe he uses it to keep warm whilst he works in the shed it's cold you know being cold always makes a guy look less...impressive.

DH bought me a vibe, see earlier post, so no shame required here.

It's the secrecy that's so funny.