To leave a message for DH's plastic vagina?

[Schnullerbacke]

So we're moving soon and I just found the above mentioned in a bag in our shed. I want to leave a message with her, along the lines that at least she cannot talk back (he doesnt like my outspokenness and uncompliance) or 'easier than working on our marriage'. I know that it doesnt substitute for a proper talk between us but I really want to leave a message behind. So, any ideas welcome.
I am so going to close this account down when done

MrGin I've laughed so much

Maybe the gardener or neighbour etc left the substitute vagina in the shed?

I am pmsl at the idea of stretching it so he thinks his knob has shrunk!

Gribble stretch it!

Is it wrong to want to email Tony and ask what his secret to really smooth legs is?

Tony in a wig? - how very dare you, that's my second husband you're talking about < can't type for crying with laughter>

Vandal grease ? My ribs hurt.

put poo in both the holes so he gets a nasty surprise.

I've got a feeling this is going to be one of those threads we'll all remember next new year's eve

Make a small sign to place over the shed door "Love Shack" maybe?

And YY to the ketchup and tampon

Do you really think he goes into the shed and uses it? As a bloke, I really doubt it. Especially at this time of the year!

Hold the press: woman gets gross oversize vibe at hen party and stores in shed as has no idea what else to do with it.

And, as for the idea that this yucky thing is somehow different from a vibe because it is a "secret". Has every woman on here sworn to tell her husband every single thing she does sexually on her own? So, if you have a quiet frig when everyone is out, do you feel obliged to share this info with your "D"H? There is such a thing as oversharing.

To the OP, I think you are reading way way too much into this and are using it as something convenient to hang all your other relationship baggage on. To everyone who owns a vibe (or other sex toy) yet thinks this object is pathetic, you are hypocrits. Personally, I would prefer my wife first and my hands second, with an ice cold shed-bound fake vag coming in a (very) distant third. But that is merely a question of personal taste, not moral judgment.

put eyes on it so it can watch him, like a painting that follows you wherever you are in the room...

loveshack pmsl Katie

It has to be the tampon with ketchup, it's brilliant!

I'm crying here at those plastic prick pics

put something like pepper in it that when he uses it will burn his ahem sensitive skin. Or better still put itching powder in it!!! Then leave it as you found it! Have to agree about leaving a message in it. Like well at least i know who the other woman is now.... always knew no one else would have you!

Stranded, because it's utterly hilarious, that's why, as would a post from a man be saying he'd found an enormous rubber cock hidden in the shed.

Yes Katie

And for who asked about the toothy ones-

techcrunch.com/2009/10/23/just-in-time-for-halloween-the-fleshlight-succu-dry/

I feel so diiirty

So, if a husband was rooting through the utility room, and found Tony neatly stacked in the cupboard propped up next to the folding ironing board...they'd ask no questions, pop the cigar back into his mouth, close the door quietly and get on with their lives would they?

And to my knowledge my Dh has ALWAYS been interested in the knowledge that I've been having a sneaky finger buffet for one in the downstairs restaurant whilst he's in Aldi or whatever. Infact it makes his day to hear about it.

more to the point, what do I tell my DS that I am laughing so hard at that I have tears running down my legs?

How weird this whole thing is. I don't know why you want to leave a note on it. You're saying he doesn't want to discuss your problems, you sound passive aggressive.

Am literally crying with laughter here at some of the posts. Probably not the response you wanted, op. Definitely don't condone the use of pepper, itching powder etc that has been suggested though.

Er, a grown up who hides their toy away and goes to the shed to play with it in secret?

Tears coming down my legs

Larry, if he was any kind of a man he would keep it in the house with the full knowledge of his wife, he's obviously not much of a man though because he'd rather fuck a bit of rubber (and hide it in the shed) than discuss his relationship (or lack of sex) with her.
If , for some reason I was unable to have penetrative sex with my DH for a prolonged period, I wouldn't object if he wanted a masturbatory toy, we could use it together ( and I wouldn't need to know if he fancied a go of it alone sometimes) , if however, he bought it secretly and hid it I would be totally furious. Do you see the difference here?

I guess finding a disembodied vagina isn't as funny when you feel like the man who owns it has been treating you as an insensible penis receptacle isn't so funny. I'm sorry OP. I'm laughing at him and the situation, not at you.